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A&K

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  • Content Count

    155
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About A&K

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife, DIL, Mother, oldest son and three baby girls.
  • Date of Death
    In laws three baby girls and son and my husband.
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Norwich, CT

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  1. Hi everyone.🙋‍♀️ I’m sorry it’s been so long again. Gosh, its a new year, a whole new decade. Is that difficult for anyone else? I feel like I’ve left people behind 🥺 I am continuing to struggle. My complex grief and complex PTSD is overwhelming and consistent with causing huge bouts of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I can function “ok” with most of it. But the panic attacks are severe at the moment. Nearly daily and multiple times. It’s absolutely exhausting. I hate having that in front of the boys. Caleb especially worried for me. Sometimes I have to go into the ER becaus
  2. I’m finding it so hard to get up in the morning or sleep at night or eat much. My anxiety, depression, and grief are utterly overwhelming. I’m in therapy and on medication. But still I struggle. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve lost my way. 😢 I don’t want to let my boys down. But I’m just not that strong. My heart has so many missing pieces from losing my husband and our children. Sometimes I find it a real struggle just to breathe in and out. And I feel so alone in the way I feel.
  3. Thank you. It feels good to know we are still thought of. My boys are the reason I keep getting up each day and keep breathing in and out. As long as they are breathing I won’t stop and I will keep fighting against this overwhelming grief. Katie ❤️
  4. Hi all. I’ve not been here since February. I’m sorry. Things have been very hectic with Caleb and Ryan. And I’ve been really “stuck” in this grief and pain. Suicide of a loved one is so tough. I’m really struggling. I am suffering with PTSD my therapist says. I have been trying so very hard to just be the best Momma to the boys that I can possibly be and I fear on a daily basis that I am not living up to that. 😢 And I miss my lost children so much too. So much that I am paranoid something will happen to Caleb and Ryan too. I would not survive should that happen. Im just real
  5. My emotions are so raw. I’m still numb but at the same time I ache so bad. I’ve been tearing up just by stupid little things. I’m so stupid. 😞
  6. Happy belated birthday to you Marty sorry I’m so late love, Katie and the boys.
  7. Hi. I can’t believe it’s been more than six months now since my dear Allen took his life. I’m still so very heartbroken 😞. I’m numb still and hurting all at the same time. I don’t know if being hurt and numb simultaneously is possible. Caleb still aches for his dad. And Ryan is just too young at 19 months. I exist for my boys. They are my sole reason for getting up everyday. I will ache for Allen for my entire life. My girlfriend asked me the other day if I saw myself ever dating again and I said absolutely not. My heart and life belonged to Allen. How could she ask me such a thing
  8. Hi everyone. It’s been a while I know. Christmas was harder than I ever imagined it could be. On top of having two sick boys. I ended up going to the hospital from my therapists office because I couldn’t contract for safety with her or my Dr. My Mom brought the boys to the ER so I could see them and explain to Caleb mostly that Mommy needed to be away to be taken care of and that I promise nothing wasn’t going to happen to me and I would return. And it wasn’t their fault. Ryan of course is too young to understand. But Caleb understood. I then was admitted to the psych unit for 18 days
  9. Happy holidays to all. I wish we all had our loved ones back. Im a mess without my Allen and our kids. I’m just a mess. 😢
  10. I miss my babies! My heart hurts! It’s so wrong to lose your children before yourself. It’s just not right. 😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔.
  11. Thank you ALL here. im shopping for Christmas for the boys and I’m super sad and triggered that I’m missing Allen doing this with me and missing Gracie Noah and the other babies that belong here. Life isn’t fair. I want to scream it on top of my lungs or punch something but I know I can’t rationally do this. My heart is broken so much. Caleb has been talking about Noah a lot as he has the most memories with him. And he misses his dad so much. Our family is so broken. 😢💔
  12. So we made it through thanksgiving but not unscathed. Myself and both boys are sick. We all have strep throat and Ryan also has a double ear infection. So mom is over with homemade soup and cuddles. I miss my husband very much. Caleb really misses his dad right now. This is a long bumpy road...
  13. I miss my Allen. There just aren’t enough words. This was his favorite holiday. He would do most of the cooking. He loved family all around. It’s a sad day. Now. 😢
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