pam4him

I am so sorry for your loss. I can kind of relate as today would have been my dad's 74th birthday. I've been feeling a little melancholy even though it has been 2.5 yrs since his passing. What you are feeling and going through IS grief, which sounds to have you going through a bit of depression. You sound ok to me, just trying to figure out how to adjust to your dad's absence. I am not a proponent of "time heals all wounds" because it hasn't really worked for me. I found it's more about moving through grief to the acceptance of what is and adjusting to the change. Small steps can help you keep moving forward in this transition time. Try to stay out of bed a little longer each day, look for joy in what's around you, take walks and really notice your surroundings, yoga, meditation, soothing music, etc. I don't mean to sound trite, but we sometimes have to make ourselves do the everyday necessities to help re-adjust to a routine. 62 days is not that long ago, so try not to be too hard on yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Mom was your cheerleader in life. Moms are like that, no matter what we do, they love us. Try to comfort yourself in the knowledge that she knew you loved her and she most likely forgave you for the past, especially since you got off drugs, have a home, etc. As for the family, people grieve differently and it may just be too hard for them right now. Perhaps you can reach out to them in your speech. Perhaps mention how she stuck by you, always wanting better things for you. Was she your inspiration to leave the drugs and create a better life? Maybe talk about how you hope to honor her memory by being the son she knew you were. Try not to feel guilty, you did tell her bye when you kissed her. It sounds like you both knew it was time. Please consider checking into www.griefshare.org for resources to support you through this. Again, my condolences and prayers are with you.