I joined this site about a year ago, and procrastinated and avoided and forgot, etc.
One problem I have is that I am not sure where to file my grief. The most obvious source of grief for me is my mother, just turned 90 and in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. Lately she has trouble recognizing me. Sometimes she will fly into a rage and spit obscenities, something she NEVER did when healthy. And she's in Pennsylvania and I'm in Calif. so I only get to see her once a year.
Then there's my father, long gone, passed in 1995. I look like him and share some personality traits. His loss was not sudden, and I thought I was ready for it, but now I see that a quarter of a century later there is still a big hole in me where he used to be.
And it seems I am also grieving for myself, 65 and never had the life I imagined when young. It's mostly my fault but that certainly doesn't make me feel better.
I ignored all this for years, until my therapist pointed out how deeply grief is affecting my life; even grief decades old. I didn't know that grief could last like this.
I would like to have a face2face grief group, which I think would serve me better, but even here in San Francisco I have been unable to find one. UCSF has one but I don't qualify because Mom is still alive, sort of. A stupid rule in my opinion. So if anyone knows of such a group in SF, please let me know. Until then I will try not to avoid this site so much.
Be well, everybody.
Dave H.
