Lynne Joyce

I lost my two dogs and my husband within three weeks of each other last August and my mother is on the point of dying. I don’t think that it is a case of imagining that I have been abandoned, it is an actual fact. The people who visited my husband right to the end have all disappeared as if by a magic trick. I have compared notes with other widows and it seems that this is commonplace. They have their reasons. I wrote this poem to make sense of it - Moving On I’m starting to get being widowed But I still haven’t figured out how Those who used to be friends Right to his end Have stopped being friends with me now. I know I’m a social pariah, But I still do not quite comprehend What it was I acquired When my husband expired That made those relationships end. Most of the people who knew me Now never visit or call, They don’t message or phone, Though they know I’m alone, They show me no interest at all. It was shocking that it was so sudden, Soon after he died I was dropped, Once the rituals were done Those people were gone, And all interaction just stopped. They say you find out who your friends are When the going gets tough, and that’s true, So the friends I have left When they are bereft Will find that I’m true to them too. Those who left me have done me a favour, They have outed themselves and saved me From wasting my time On a strange pantomime With jokers without loyalty. Moving on, moving up is my mission, New people, new places, new things The future is bright, Without having the blight Of the anguish abandonment brings. 04.02.2018

It seems to be normal for people to abandon you when you have been bereaved. My husband died in August and most of the people who visited him to the end plus friends and my step children have disappeared as if by a conjuring trick! I have compared notes with other widows and they had exactly the same experience. Some say that people don’t know what to say do they drop out, others say that once you are a widow you are perceived as a threat. Whatever the reasons it came as a shock to me. Looking at the positive side, they have done me a huge favour by identifying themselves as people who are not worth wasting my time and emotionally energy on.