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Sandra M.

Contributor
  • Content Count

    24
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Sandra M.

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday March 1

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Santa Cruz, CA
  • Interests
    Buddhist studies and meditation, hiking, reading, film

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Spouse
  • Date of Death
    12/27/17
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice of Santa Cruz, Santa Cruz, CA

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  1. I had my first visitation (while I was asleep, but it was a real visitation, not a dream) from my husband a few nights ago. I had had a very difficult two weeks, missing him so deeply. His visit was such a wonderful surprise and healing. During it he was nodding his head and smiling, to let me know it was really him. When I woke up I felt a peace that I had not felt since he passed last December. If you've been asking your loved one to visit you but it hasn't happened yet, don't give up! It might happen when you least expect it!
  2. Gwen, Like kayc, I, too am so sorry for what you went through, and all alone. Is there no one you could have reached out to? Myself, I find it very, very difficult to reach out to people when I need help, so, now that I, too, am alone, and without friends, I guess I am also asking myself because I can just see myself driving myself to the ER rather than reaching out to anyone to help me. Not always the best course of action.
  3. Dear Elizabeth. Thank you for the wish you sent to all of us. It's beautiful. I cannot think of anything better to wish for us. Sandra
  4. Linda E and Tom PB, This site feels like a virtual group home to me Sandra
  5. Dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. For me it hasn't been words from others that have brought me comfort so much as it's been their open hearts behind their words. I truly appreciate your openheartedness towards me and thank you for it. I, too, wish that I had words of comfort to offer you as you are having to live with what most likely is the most pain you have ever had to deal with. I am going through this pretty much alone. I have one family member, my sister, and no close friend. My sister lives on the east coast and emails frequently but that's not having a someone close by. I'm just telling you this because I wanted to share that I went to a counselor several times after Jim passed and really let loose and cried from a very deep place. Those sessions have proven to be what has been most helpful for me. I don't know if that's something you might want to think about. I get comfort, too, from knowing that my sweetheart is now free from the suffering of living with cancer for six years and is in what Buddhists call a Buddha realm. Be gentle with yourself and appreciate yourself for having the strength to go through this. And, keep coming here. I have found comfort here many times in just the short amount of time since I joined.
  6. Thanks so much Steph! I'll check this out. Peace to you, too! Sandra
  7. Linda E, You are so clear on this. Thank you so much for sharing! I have never been within the norm of this society. It feels good here--where I am among those who DO understand what I am going through. Thank you again.
  8. Tom, There are meditation techniques that can be used to break attachment without breaking the bond of love. Also, not all attachments are negative. My brain is just too foggy to think clearly right now, but I hope this makes a little bit of sense. Also, as you said, we have to be where we are. I'm attached to Jim but our relationship was a lot about healing each other through our love and starting a business together in which Jim built prayer wheels that were filled with mantras used to heal people. We didn't think of it this way, but we used our attachment to each other to do good things. Also, it was a high Buddhist lama who wrote that if we have been with someone intimately for a long time in one life it means that that connection is very deep and we will be together again in the future. I am so, so sorry to hear of the sudden way in which you lost Susan. It must have been and must continue to be such a shocking thing to deal with. It sounds as though you have found a good counselor, though, which is good to hear. I am still at work and it's finally time to pack it up and go home. Thank you for the links. I will look at them later. May we all find ways to work with our pain.
  9. My heart aches with yours, Gwenivere. Hoping you are find some relief from your pain.
  10. Wow--that message you got is so awesome!! And the fact that Susan came through without any prompting really confirms how she really IS with you! I bet that that changed your thinking, and I am really happy for you!! By the way, how long ago did Susan pass? No special reason for asking, I'm just curious. Interesting that you mentioned meditation because it is also a LARGE part of how I am able to survive this grief world. In fact, I often feel Jim's presence engulfing me when I'm on my meditation cushion. Sending my best wishes to you. Take good care of yourself.
  11. That's what Jim and Sandra were, also. We were constantly telling one another "I don't know what I'd do without you," and, because we were/are so closely connected spiritually, I never thought that one would have to do without the other. I thought that our souls would leave the planet together. But last December 27 I hit the painful reality that that was not to be. I find some relief from missing Jim so darned much when I remember that his love is still with me (One of the last things that he said to me was, "I will never leave you; I will always be by your side.") and that we will meet and be together again. Switching from being together spiritually and physically is a painful transition, but there is some solace when I am able to tap into Jim's ever present love for me.
  12. Sandra M.

    "Grieving people are annoying"

    Here's an article I really like. I'm new here and still navigating around the web site, so I hope this is a good forum for this post. https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm/
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