ElizabethMC

Kayc, Yes, I lost him last year. It's hard to keep track of people here, I know. I did post last year in my previous comments. I'm going to ask my brother to give my husband a big hug for me.....Knowing our loved ones are so joyful in God's light really helps. You are in my prayers, Kayc. What a wonderful soul you are.

Kayc, I am so sorry. That is so sad and tragic. ..and then to lose your sweet puppy dog... I also ask myself why some people live lives that don't have this kind of pain. I don't understand... I just wish my husband were here so he could give me a hug. ..and I wish you comfort as well.

My sweet, beautiful bother suffered renal failure in 1991. He has received three kidney transplants since then. The last transplant began to fail a couple of years ago, and he began dialysis last year. In August, he began to develop calciphylaxis, an insidiously horrible disease. It progressed very quickly, and he was admitted into the hospital in late August. I'm sorry to say that his pain has been unimaginable. He said it felt like a blowtorch on his legs. The pain couldn't adequately be managed without the risk of suppressing his ability to breathe, so he has had to endure horrible pain. Over the weekend, the doctors gave us news that we knew was inevitable: He can't be saved. He comes home from the hospital today where he will no longer receive dialysis, and he will gradually slip away. I am beyond sad. My brother is the kindest, generous soul I've ever known. When he passes into God's light I know he won't have to answer for hardly anything. I miss him already.

Hi George...I don't check in anymore, but some comments show up in my email. I am really sorry for your loss and your pain. I hope you at least have the comfort in knowing that you'll be reunited with Mary when it's your time to go into God's light.

Yup, I decorated for Christmas. I put a white vined Santa between the two reindeer, and a huge lighted wreath on the bay window behind them, along with other stuff... I decorate because it does make me feel better. When the house looks happier, I feel 'happier' . I know my neighbors enough to say ''hi'' and have small talk, but that's kind of it. I pretty much keep to myself. I really only needed Iver. Now that he's gone, I only want Iver. Anyway, with all my decorating, I can only imagine that they must be thinking... 'Boy, she sure is happy now that Iver's gone'.......lol There's a study that claims that smiling, whether you're happy or not, produces a chemical reaction in the brain that can help you feel happier. I am a smiling fool. I walk around the house smiling. I watch TV smiling. Heck, I'm smiling right now... I really try to be grateful for what I do have, especially my health. I feel great compassion for those of us who struggle with physical pain, in addition to the emotional pain. Just how hard does it have to be?? As always, you are all in my prayers, that God will help us.❤️

Gwen, I really know how you feel about the holidays in general. I can muster the spirit for Halloween because it's ingrained and it's a time to contemplate all things unknown about the other side, which will make me feel Iver's presence all the more. I wish I could say I'd be embracing Thanksgiving and Christmas but I know they'll feel mighty empty . I trick myself into not feeling devasted by living in the moment, as I refer to it. Whether I am watching something good on TV, reading a good book, enjoying a good dinner, I immerse myself in the contentment if not enjoyment of the moment. It really helps me. 🙂

Thank you, Kay. I get fewer trickatreaters every year. That doesn't stop me from stocking up with full-size candy bars, ever so hopeful for a crowd...I keep the receipt so that I can return the leftover candy. That's the plan anyway...😄

Karen, Thank you and thank you for the laugh. I got a mental image of you protecting your lawn ornaments... Speaking of barking mad dogs....mine couldn't be more insane when the kids come to the door. I have a combination door, so I remove the top part, allowing me to reach out with the candy while the door is closed. My pup is barking all the while in a scary Halloween way. They don't get the treats without the tricks...😄

Hi everyone...I think about you all. It's Halloween month. All my life I've loved Halloween more than any holiday. I loved the spookiness, the unknowing, the possibilities. My husband, Iver, loved my Halloween spirit, so I decorated for him. He'd want me to still love Halloween. I made 'spooky' ghost pumpkins this year. I desperately try to live in the moment. It's not too bad in the moment. I wanted to share a photo of my pumpkins. I'm really happy with them. The reindeer are Christmas decor, but I leave them out all year and decorate them per the season. You are in my prayers, Elizabeth wow! That's really big...😊

I understand that completely. I feel left behind too. I do know that I can 'survive' this a thousand times better than my husband could have. So for his sake, it's for the better he went first.

Well, after 36 years, sometimes I think Iver might be happy to have some 'Elizabeth-free' time...lol ...Whatever makes him happy, I want with all my heart.

This morning I bagged all Iver's shoes, except his beautiful high-laced Rockports. Next to my 6-1/2s, those shoes look so huge and manly and quintessentially him. I wanted to talk about how this made me feel but I didn't want to tell my family. Hearing these things makes them sad. I figure you guys are already sad.... ( I say with a big heart).

Tom .....That sounds like heaven on earth. I'm sorry it's so painful to do things now that used to be so magical.

"Glowing" is my arch enemy... The Cape is glorious this time of year...not to rub it in...but we can get very humid weather here throughout the summer. I hope things work out for you with this family matter. Life is hard enough as it is.

Most days I'm OK.... Some days are profoundly sad. I cleared out Iver's bedroom drawers but I can't put anything in them. Sometimes when I think too much about it, I can't believe he's really gone forever. There's no one for me for the rest of my life. Being around other men makes me feel sad because they don't hold a candle to my Iver. I wish I had some answers. I think about the people on this board all the time. I am always praying for you.