Pari

Its the hardest and most unexplainable feeling after loosing a parent, feeling abandoned, angry, really angry, I know I feel that way, I lost my mom its just over 100 days! mom left me to be in God's care on the 25th of jan 2018.. the incident still haunts me. I cannot eat sleep or focus on anything, I am really really sore. this diarrhea and stomach cramps refuse to leave. This is a very very big change for me and very very hard. Being the only child of my parents and having lost my dad when I was 7.. my mom was my everything for 37 years...I sacrificed my life and always put her needs beyond my own because seeing her smile was the most beautiful thing ever. I left working within the office environ,ent so I could be with him at the home, I am glad I did that atleast when it happened she was not alone and I was here, I felt so hurt and helpless see her go through that pain of that heartache suddenly that I froze for a few moments.. being alone to go through this is not nice. So know so much has happened in the 100 days. My birthday, prayers.. people walking out.. I strongly feel that time does not heal. time reveals. Know I am alone. I have nobody to call my own. I have God by my side. Everything is hard, but the simple things... like when I send a whatsapp it would always end with "my name & mom at the end" know I send messages and its me (just standing alone) then it hit me, no more being behind mom and being protected by her, I am alone know. No more guidance to make decisions... I have to make my own know... something as simple as filling in form that requires "next of kin" details broke me down... I have no one, there is no one anymore. Its very hard... yes ppl have the best of intentions I just feel they want to know your business, when you really need them then nobody is around... The religious month of fasting is coming up - I have absolutely no idea how I am going to deal with this. I miss her, her presence. I just miss he lots.