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Lothar

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About Lothar

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    NA
  • Date of Death
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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Rome, Italy
  1. Hi there, I just wanted to update my story and maybe give some hope to others into my situation. Ok, long story short: me and this girl stayed as simple friends. I am now engaged to a girl that I love with all my heart, that I met short before everything above happened. It seems to good to be true but one year after I think I found the one. We are planning of marriage, kids and moving together. Everything is just so right, I feel like God truly blessed me. Then here it is. Never ever lose your hope in a better future. For all the sorrow that I've been trough I am now filled with pure joy and love and I couldn't have asked for a better woman at my side. Thank you for everything you did for me when I was in trouble. Wish you all the best.
  2. Thank you Rae for your words, guess you are definitely right. I'm really sad to read about your story, I know the feeling on "walking on egg-shells" and it sure is a couple destroyer as far as i'm concerned. I can see that he was really confused, and although his pain must have been unbearable i think that people should recognize when their special ones are giving all their best for the sake of love and compassion. Unfortunately, this almost never happens in these kind of situations. As we all know even too well. Things were probably out of my control from the beginning, there is no point into blaming myself to death since i couldn't possibly change the outcome without going back being a simple friend, which i didn't want to do. As you said, it is futile to focus and "what ifs", given life does goes on and if you dwell in the past you will not be happy in the future. This helped me a lot, and I thank you for your point of view. You are also right on facing inner issues during the stages of a break-up. I will try to grow from this as much as i can and be a better person for the girl who will come. And also yes, this can be her way to deal with big problems in life, and it is a scary red flag now that you make me think about it. Then, I have an update. I discovere via online obituary that her father passed out last sunday, 13th of may. I don't know what to do now. Shall i call her for give my condolences? I think she may view this as an intrusive behaviour. Shall i just text her? I do not like this either. I don't even know if i have to do such a thing, cannot see any positive outcome from this except bothering her. I thank you all for your support. Really I could have not find a better and safer place to share my feelings and fears.
  3. Dear Kay, thank you very much for your heartwarming and wise words. Yes, i'm reading all the threads in this section and, as you said, the pattern it's definitely there. Sadly. I'm learning a lot from this place. I knew about your story, and reading what you went through made me really sad, but also built a lot of respect for how you stayed strong in such a terrible situation. I couldn't image the pain and the suffering you endured at that time, and even if it did turn you into the wise and strong person you are now i just wish things went differently, because you sound like the woman we all should have by our side when life gets rough. I hope that God would take all the tears you shed during those dark times, and craft a beautiful gift for the golden-hearted lady you see in the mirror every morning. As for me, i'm trying to start healing, given we didn't have any past together to forget, but i still blame myself for my actions. Maybe i acted clingy or needy or selfish, maybe if i had listened to her things would went differently. I don't really know. Could be that i'm the "Prince Charming" type of a guy. You know? The one with the white horse, the sword and the shield, always ready to fight till the end, whatever the costs, for love and justice. She just needed a friend. Silly me for not understanding that simple fact. Pressured her without even knowing what i was doing. Lost her. Well done Lothar, clap to yourself in the mirror. As for now i'm at a loss about what to do. Well, i know i just have to focus on myself and my healing process, and must resist the urge to contact her and ask how she is doing. But i don't think i'm ready to give up hope yet. It has been 6 days of no contact by now. And i'm stuck at the dreaded crossroads: should i leave or hang in there? I know i cannot text her, not even to ask about how she is doing. Should i wait like a month and then text her? Should i just surrender and move? Both options are terrifying to me. I could hang in there for nothing. But if i don't and there is something left for us, i will know that i gave up on that after only 6 days. It's the "possibility of us" that is tearing me apart and making this choice impossible. We didn't have an actually story, i know. I just foresaw something in her i wish i could discover, and see if there could be a future for us. Sorry for bothering you and all the other members, please be patient with me. I'm well in my 30s, but i just fell for her like a was a teenager. Don't even know where my head was or is at the moment.
  4. Thank you all in advance for your support. I'm not an english native speaker, so please forgive me for my poor writing skills. THE STORY Met a girl on a dating app and we became friends. We lived in different cities and we just maintained a good friendship for almost 2 years. We went together through good and bad times, even without knowing each other in person. I know, it's strange but that's how it went.Finally we met one time for a lunch, when she happened to be in my town for work. It was a really good time.Then we meet two weeks later, she stayed by my house and we slept together, talk and felt a deep connection with each other.It was amazing, I just fell head over heels for her. I wasn't really interested in her before meeting her in person. Then... well, it just hit me like a train.I crushed on her for good. THE PROBLEMTwo days later, her dad was hospitalized. Pancreas cancer, liver metastasis. Months if not weeks to live. She told me everything thats was going on, that she won't have the time and the will to give me attentions and that i could move on if i wanted. She was honest from the beginning. I did my best to be there for her, message her daily (since we were long distance) and try to support her by staying at her side during this difficult time.Things went fairly good for a few weeks, then she started to grow distant and to treat me just as an ordinary friend. Which i was comfortable with but also felt like a rejection.Well, things went worse and worse from that point on. Maybe i was not so comfortable and i struggled all i could to not pressure her, thinking of the terrible situation she was into, but it was like i had to strangle my newborn feelings with my own hands.I offered many times to go to her city to be beside her, she refused because her weekends were with family of course. She warned me about what was going on, and she didn't want to make me waste my time. I just said i would be there for her, and that was my choice. Unfortunately, every time i asked to visit her she got more and more upset. I don't know what i was thinking, maybe the circumstances and my infatuation for her played a role in this huge screw up. Anyway, i told myself it could be no harm: i just wanted to show her that i was willing to stay strong during her hard times and that i was willing not to withdraw from her. I proposed i could go there during week, because my schedule wasn't too busy at work atm. I asked this several times because i wanted her to feel i was truly there for her, distance or not, and thought that people in this kind of terrible situations sometimes don't have the energy left to ask for help or think straight. Also, i missed her very much. Well, i was wrong big time. What i saw as a reiterated sweet offer, she saw as reiterated unbearable pressure.She snapped badly, told me she couldn't plan anything at the moment and that i had to realize her father was dying.I apologized, told her that maybe i did a mistake but that was because i greatly cared for her and wanted to prove that i would be by her side even in difficult times.She went no contact for 4 days. THE FINAL BLOW During this frame of time, I sent her goodmornings and goodnights, talking lightly because i thought she would open to me whenever she was ready, knowing i was there for her.Wrong again. She snapped again. "YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ASKED HOW I'M DOING. YOU ONLY TALKED ABOUT YOURSELF.", she texted me.I said that she was really upset with me the other day and this was my way, clumsy all you want, to show care and that i was there for her to talk if she needed because she was important to me.I called her, apologized for my mistakes, told her i did really care and that my intentions were good and sincere.She said i could repeat this all i want but this won't make up for my errors; she reviewed all my mistakes fo the last 2 months one by one (one time i got jealous that she went on dinner with a male friend... my fault, she was not my gf, but anyway i didn't make a big deal of it, i just said that i was jealous with a smile, more like a game between lovers), speaking with great anger towards me.Finally she told me not to contact her, because things were not working between us.She said that if she wants she will be contacting me. As of today, it has been 5 days of no contact, but the damage is already done. THE UGLY TRUTHI know, i totally screwed up and i don't even know where to start to blame myself. I should have listened to her.I guess i was too eager to be in a relationship with her, i don't know really. Maybe the infatuation clouded my thinking process.I just feel numb because i truly saw something in her, and i put everything i had with pure heart on the table, willing to stay by her side in her darkest time.And maybe that's the real problem. She wasn't in the mindframe for a boyfriend: she needed a friend. And I did all the worst things possible on this planet when she was just asking for a friend. And i was a selfish idiot.I'm really really sorry for her and her family, and i wish i could do more. I think of her constantly and pray for her and her family everyday. I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going through and i blame myself for my inability to be the man i wish i was in her time of need. If i had a time machine i would use it and give her the support she deserved.Would appreciate any advice, and sorry for the long post.I've been a lurker in here for quite sometimes and, since i've found this to be a great place full of awesome people, i just thought this was my time to ask for help.
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