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CairnLady

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    36
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About CairnLady

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife
  • Date of Death
    07/10/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    None

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Frankfort, Ky

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  1. Darrel that sounds like a great plan! i am in Kentucky now. When I was a child we would come here in the summer to visit my uncles, aunts & cousins. I loved it so much, those trips here, had the best of times, and I always loved horses (used to ride in my younger days) Of course now everyone has passed away, except for a couple of cousins. I always wanted to live in Kentucky since those days, but of course wanted Michael here too. it is bittersweet and a cruel twist of fate that I finally came to live here, under these circumstances. I am here to stay though, and my dogs are very happy here, and their happiness matters most to me now . it reminds me of “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”
  2. Mitch i feel I’m in the same kind of stuck place. Every morning I pray for peace in my heart. Then I tell Michael how much I love him and miss him terribly. Then I start to cry. Like others I have physical challenges and feel cheated, robbed of my future that was “supposed to be” with Michael and am very isolated and alone ( except for my dogs) when I try to think of how to make “a new life”, I simply have no answers. All I see is “empty”
  3. Darrel Best wishes to you on your move. Hope all goes smoothly and safe. Moving is a very stressful thing, but so happy for you that you are moving towards a place that you look forward too. I have moved twice in the 2 and a half years since I lost my dear Michael. I’ll spare everyone the unhappy details, but I think part of my motivation was trying to run away from my grief and trauma. Needless to say it didn’t work, as I can’t escape from me, wherever I go, there I am. Please know I always think of “one foot in front of the other” when things are darkest for me. Thank you for that
  4. Another one of my counselor’s pearls of wisdom she tells me is: ”It’s OK to be Ok” i find that I have to repeat that to myself like a mantra. it doesn’t always work unfortunately.
  5. I constantly beat myself up. When my counselor tells me I need to stop doing that and being so hard on myself, my response is “But I’m so damn good at it”
  6. Darrel, My beloved Michael was a wonderful cook and baker. Like a master chef without the formal training. He made so many delicious meals and desserts. A simple trip to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich or the rattle of pots & pans is enough to trigger tears for me. The last thing he made for me before he died was his lasagna. I’ll never be able to eat lasagna again. I hope you had a peaceful birthday, and that some small joy, or something to let you know your dear Cookie was with you. Bless you.
  7. Happy Birthday Peace and health be with you.
  8. kayc Unfortunately, I do not know the original source. it was sent to me in an email from another widow who runs a widows meetup group in NJ and simply said she saw it as part of the obituary for an unknown woman’s husband some time ago.
  9. Thought this was very beautiful and moving. As Darrel so eloquently stated, faith and hope are free..... Wet eyes alert.... Together In Heaven My dearest friends and family there are things I'd like to say: first of all I'll let you know I arrived here safe today. I am sending word from heaven where I'll dwell with God above; there are no tears and sorrow, there is only peace and love. I had to leave you as my time on earth was through; loved ones waited for me just as I will wait for you. God gave me many tasks he wishes me to do; high up on the list is watching over all of you. Don't think I do not hear you because I am out of sight; remember I am with you every morning, noon and night. When your load gets heavy don't cry too many tears; then I can whisper to you what you will need to hear. I always will be near you to guide you through each day; remember when you need me I am just a thought away. Our love will build a highway and our memories a lane; I'll walk right down from heaven and be with you again. Remember when you miss me and I am on your mind; although you will not see me I'll be just a step behind. When your life on earth is over and your soul is finally free; believe me when I tell you, you'll be coming home with me."
  10. I too hope that 2019 is a better year for all of us. Darrel, my thoughts and prayers go out to you this day, which I know is so terribly hard for you. I too had to make that decision and sign those papers. In a few days it will be two and a half years for me. I have yet to make it through an entire day without crying an ocean of tears. My mountain of anxiety starts in the early hours each day, and soon thereafter the tsunami of grief comes and gut punches me in to the abyss where I flounder, reliving those horrible events. Some days I can climb out in a relatively short time, other days it’s an all day battle. Only in the late afternoon and evenings am I mostly ok, most likely because I am simply exhausted emotionally. It is my hope again for this year (as it was for 2018) that I can finally get to a place where I can make it through a day without tears. I didn’t make it today. Dear Lord, I pray, please help us all find peace, comfort, and the strength to carry our grief each day.
  11. All this time I never even noticed that “Donate” button, so thank you Marty T for this post. I just made a donation and glad to do it.
  12. I’m so glad you’re here kayc...the years have given you an insight and wisdom that I cherish. I am still very much a cork lost in the ocean, and your words offer hope to me when I have little. Your advice on finding something good in each day is an example, and I have made it a practice for myself each day.
  13. Amy, I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your children. I too lost my beloved husband suddenly and traumatically in July 2016. Your grief is so raw and overwhelming at this point. When you feel you have the strength, I would like to suggest a book that I found to be most valuable to me on my grief journey. “I Wasn’t Ready To Say Goodbye - surviving, coping, & healing after the sudden death of a loved one” My prayers for you and your children.
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