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CairnLady

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  • Content Count

    54
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About CairnLady

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife
  • Date of Death
    07/10/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    None

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Frankfort, Ky

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  1. That sentence touched me deeply. It says it all, so eloquently.
  2. Sending my condolences, and wishes for solace to you. May the peace you feel be everlasting.
  3. Kayc, You did what you had to do. Arlie is your baby and only you knows what’s best. My prayers that you two have many more good days together. I completely wrote off my 2 self-absorbed sisters (half sisters actually) after my husband died because of their callous, hurtful and outright cruel judgmental bull crap. I’ll never have anything to do with them again, and I am OK with that. It’s actually one of the few things in my life now that I am OK with.
  4. In my humble opinion, I think people try to “fix” because it scares them, makes them feel uncomfortable or forces them to think about things they don’t want to, or haven’t yet had to face. Mortality, death, loss. They want to “fix” so THEY can feel better. Im not saying this is true in all cases, but I do think it’s true a good deal of the time. Just my 2 cents.
  5. My thoughts and prayers for you and your dad. Peace and blessings to you both.
  6. Kayc, I am so very sorry, my heart is breaking for you! I too have lost many of my fuzzy babies over the years, each one was devastating. The last one was Jackson who also had cancer. Lost him less than a year before losing my husband. Things like this just make me hate the world sometimes, why must out hearts always be ripped apart! Your immense love for him will guide your path and you will make all his days the best they can be. Arlie is blessed that you are his mom and you’ve given him a wonderful and happy life. Sending you and Arlie prayers and blessings.
  7. I have no interest in dating or “finding someone” no matter how lonely I am because no matter who it is, they would all have the same problem. They wouldn’t be Michael. He has my love, my heart, my soul. Forever.
  8. Sometimes I become furious and hateful towards my husband for dying on me and leaving me to suffer this way. Then I become riddled with guilt for feeling that way.
  9. Gwen, I so agree about wanting/ needing that feeling that we mean something in this world. I loath this prison from which I cannot escape that my existence has become. It is not a life. I am also isolated, alone, lonely, desperate and filled with dread each day. No family that gives a rat’s butt, no friends. The only real peace I get is when I can manage to sleep for a few hours each night. If it weren’t for my 2 dogs, who I love with all my heart, and who love me, I doubt I would still be here.
  10. Thank you all so much for your kind words! I’m looking forward to when things begin to bloom, so I will post more photos when that happens. Blessings to all!
  11. Today, May 25th, is my husband Michael’s birthday, his 3rd birthday in Heaven. He would have been 57 today. I am very sad today, lots of tears (but that is my life now, isn’t it?). I’m not very good at finding the right words to express my feelings, but today I will pick distraught. Michael was everything to me. He. loved to garden and grow things. He loved nature and animals. He loved to cook, and he was an awesome one. People always liked him right off the bat. And he loved me, with all his heart. The most special gift of all. For his birthday, and as a memorial to him, I had landscapers come in (started last month) and made a butterfly garden for him, and I also planted a vegetable garden in his honor. There’s even a trestle with mature Concord grapes. All of it is for him. The plants in the butterfly garden are still young, but the variety ensures beauty starting in spring and all through summer to early fall (there’s tulips and daisy bulbs, butterfly bushes, hibiscus/ bee balm, Blazing Star, lilac, Bleeding Heart, Holly Hock, Black eyed Susan, Milk Weed, Holly hock, liriope, Milk weed, Original Lily and cone flower). Theres also a bird feeder and bird bath, a custom sign I had made and a plaque. In the vegetable garden I planted tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers, red onions and sweet peas. I took some photos I would like share. I will always love you Michael, and will miss you every day for the rest of my life! I hope you like your garden, my love.
  12. You have to follow your own heart on this.
  13. George, So very sorry for your loss. This is the group no one wants to join, but you will find understanding and support from the folks here. This is a place where you can safely post all your thoughts and feelings. I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly in July 2016. Almost 3 years and I still struggle with grief. One day at a time, and to borrow a saying from another member, one foot in front of the other. Sending you wishes for peace in your heart, comfort and solace.
  14. JTP, I am truly so very sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved husband Michael suddenly in July 2016 (coming up on 3 years). I still struggle. We were married 27 years. I absolutely understand. I see myself in your words. As Dee said, I do my best to take one day at a time, otherwise my grief overwhelms me. It indeed is a monster. I am glad you have a good support system, but sometimes people says things that are callous and hurtful because they cannot begin to fathom your pain and what you are going through. Only those who have suffered this greatest and most horrible loss can understand. I send you my sincere wishes for peace in your heart, comfort and solace.
  15. Kayc, Wishing you a speedy recovery. Rest and be extra good to yourself.
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