kphil

Well unfortunately I have an update for you all... I found out yesterday that he's been lying to me since we broke up. He still had been telling me every few days that he loved me so much and that we'd be together again after he took this time to himself, but I found out that a week after he broke up with me because he "wanted to be alone for a while," he started talking to another girl. And not just another random girl, but a girl we go to school with, and girl who is my sorority sister. She slept over at his house 12 days after we broke up... Not even 2 weeks after. And he had all of our friends who knew keep this from me, and he was continuously lying to me. I had asked him so many times if there was another reason for this, and if there was anyone else, and he would swear on his DAD'S GRAVE that there was nothing going on with anybody else. How could someone do that? How could someone swear on their recently departed dad's grave, and be lying about it? Was he lying to me to protect me and my feelings? Was he lying to me because he wanted to be single and do whatever the hell he wanted but still string me along until he was ready to be tied down in a relationship again after a few months? I'm sitting here now wondering what else was lies. He couldn't even respect me enough to wait a month until after we broke up to move on and try and be with someone else. And he lied straight to my face about it this entire time, too. How could you do that to someone you love? I don't doubt that he loves me, that's one thing I know is true. But I don't understand how somebody could do that to someone. He told me just two days ago that he doesn't want me to have hope and wait for him, but he also doesn't want me to move on because he doesn't want us to be over, and he doesn't want to lose me... Getting with somebody else just a WEEK after breaking up to "have some time to heal and be alone for a while" is one hell of a way to guarantee that he'll lose me. I could never trust him again after this, after all these lies. I don't think I could forgive him for this, and I definitely don't think I could ever be even friends with him after being disrespected in this way... I can't believe he would do this to me.

Today marks 3 weeks being broken up, and it's felt so much longer than that. We've talked a few times here and there, but it's mainly been radio silence. It hurts more than anything being apart from him. He's my best friend and I feel empty and alone without him. Distracting myself is really hard. I can enjoy whatever I'm doing, and whoever I'm hanging with, but afterwards when I'm alone I just break down, and it's hard to think about anything other than him. I've decided I need to try and let him go. Not move on, but let go. If we're meant to be, we will be. We'll be together again one day if that's what's supposed to happen. I'm not sure I even know how to let him go, but I know that I need to for my mental and emotional sake, because I can't keep breaking down day after day. We're both going through this break up, but he has a lot more on his plate. I'm just healing from our break up, but he's healing from the death of his father, and trying to do it without the girl he loves, his best friend. I just want us both to be okay. And if being without me for a while, or even forever, means that he can find himself again and be okay again, then that's alright with me. I love him more than anything and I just want what's best for him. So I've got to let him go. "Sometimes love is the same as letting go."

We've decided to cut contact indefinitely. He said he is so sorry and he loves me so much but he just really needs this space and time away from me. I told him I won't reach out anymore, and I won't contact him. I told him that he can contact me when he needs me and/or when he's ready to. I don't know how to not talk to him and I'm so scared because now this feels real. How do I not talk to him? It's scary not knowing the next time I will see him, or hear from him. It breaks my heart.

I did end up going to his birthday dinner last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it was weird between us. When I left he walked me out and we sat on his front porch for a bit talking, and he said it was too weird between us. He said it wasn't us, and he didn't like it. He said that if this is what us being friends looks like then he can't just be my friend, and that last night made him realize he really has a lot of thinking to do in these next days, because he just really is lost and doesn't know what to do. We've been "broken up" for a week today, but we've talked every day, both texting and on the phone. We decided today that to be fair to me, because it's so confusing right now as to what we really are, and what he's wanting/needing, we're cutting all contact for a little. Because even though we've been "broken up" for a whole week now, he still hasn't even had time and space away from me because we've talked daily (and when we've been talking it's like nothing is different, we talk/joke/flirt like we normally do) and he's seen me now two nights in the last week (once when i brought him his gifts, then again last night at his dinner). I realize he needs to see what space and time away from me is for him to even know if that's what he needs or not. So I told him today before I went to work this afternoon that we need to just cut contact for a bit so he can understand what being broken up really is, and what life really would feel like without me in it. We couldn't even make it a week without talking with each other, so I KNOW it will be hard for us both not to reach out to each other for a bit. We decided that for now we're going to just take tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday without speaking definitely, then reconnect at some point next week just to see what this little glimpse made him feel like. The we're going to go from there. Baby steps I guess?

Thank you guys for the advice! It's been very helpful. I'm feeling much better. I've been reminding myself constantly that if we are meant to be, then we will be. And if not, the world keeps spinning and as much as that would hurt to be without him, I would be okay. I've been hanging out with my friends constantly, going on long walks in my neighborhood and exercising more. I even got a haircut today and gave myself some new coloring, as well! It's all been helping me keep my mind off of it and feel good about myself! I still haven't decided about his dinner, which is tomorrow night. I went over and brought him his birthday gifts today because I had already bought and made them, and I wanted him to have them in case I don't end up going tomorrow to his birthday dinner. It was really nice seeing him for a little bit, and we were able to discuss more about how he's feeling. We have a dog together as well, so it was great seeing our sweet girl. He still would really like for me to come tomorrow but he understands that it's a lot to ask of me. I'm going to see how I'm feeling tomorrow before I make a final decision to go or not. I just feel so sad for him because he is so confused about what is best for him right now. He wants to be with me but he knows that right now he has to learn how to be okay alone. He told me today that he'll be starting to see a therapist this upcoming week because he really wants to help himself heal and figure out how to cope better with his dad's passing. I am so proud of him for taking that step all on his own.

Hi everyone. I've been reading these the past few days to help me, but I've decided to post my own because I really need some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 20. On Valentine's Day of this year, my boyfriend's dad passed away completely out of the blue. It was entirely unexpected and it shocked us all. We were down at school (A little over 2 hours away from home) at the time, so we drove back home and spent 5 days there before coming right back to school. We both had to dive back into our studies ASAP. My boyfriend focused so intensely on his studies (ended up with a 4.0 for the semester) and I think he used that as a way of pushing off his grieving at the time. Flash forward 3 months later, now we're back at home for the summer break. My boyfriend has realized being home this past week that he hasn't been able to fully grieve, because at school he's used to his dad not being there, but not at home. I think he's in shock all over again, and he's a complete mess, as expected. A few days ago he broke up with me. He was crying the entire time, telling me he loved me and he wasn't sure what he needs right now but that he thinks it's best for him to be on his own for now. He said he wasn't sure if he could handle a relationship right now. He said if we stayed together right now then he thinks it would probably ruin our chances of a future. He thinks this time apart will give us a better chance for our future together. Today is only day 3 of not speaking with him and I am a total mess. I understand and respect why he is doing this, but it's so hard because our relationship is so strong and so good. I hate how much he is hurting and I want him to be okay again, but I'm having a hard time understanding why he can't be in a relationship with me while going through this next part of grief. We've been through so much already, and I was by his side these past 3 months since his dad's passing. I want to be by his side during this time too, but he's made it clear that I can't be right now. He needs time and space on his own to learn how to be okay on his own, alone without his dad in his life. He still wants me to be part of his life, but right now just as his friend. His 21st birthday is in 3 days. He wants me to come to his birthday dinner with his family and closest friends, still. I have all his gifts I made and bought for him. I want to go so badly, and he says he really wants me to come, as long as I feel comfortable enough going, but I'm worried I'll cry the whole time I'm there. I don't know how to just be his friend when he's been so much more than that for years now. He keeps saying he needs space and time and that he's so sorry and that he loves me. But I don't know how to give him space. He's my best friend, my true love, and my person. I don't know who to talk to about this because not many people around me understand. He wants us to be together later on. It just scares me not knowing how long this will last, because it would break my heart even more if this ended up lasting forever. I love him more than anything in this world and I want him to heal properly. If that means me taking a step back from his life for a while then that's okay. I just don't know how to just be his best friend right now, without also being his girlfriend. I guess I'm posting on here because I just need some advice from you all going through similar situations. I need some advice on how to cope with this and how to give him space without overstepping these new, unfamiliar boundaries.