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Jillian

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About Jillian

  • Rank
    New Visitor

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Spouse
  • Date of Death
    April 11, 2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Nil

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Selkirk,MB Canada

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  1. Yes, I will always love him. He was an amazing man.
  2. Yes we are very blessed aren’t we. I miss him dearly.
  3. Thank you. Larry was a wonderful person, and at one time loved me more than anything. We had a remarkable relationship which people commented on a lot. On one of our cruises we had a young man who was our waiter for the entire cruise. One the last evening he asked if he wanted to make a comment we said sure. He went on “I don’t really know what marriage is all about”, he said,” But whatever it is, you two have found it!” We blushed and thanked him. We were married for about a month when we moved into our first house. We met the neighbors and Dale said to us, there is something about the two of you that makes. 2 + 2 = 5. This was a theme throughout our marriage, we seemed to stick out of a croud because of how we were as a team. Larry was given a way to leave this world not only as a man but as a spouse who cared enough about me to set me free from the gruelling life mine had become because of his. He gave me the freedom to live a life filled with the freedom to grow as a person in a way I could not do if I was confined to being his caregiver. I am taking piano lessons, voice lessons and planning a trip to Germany visit our foster daughter. Our last trip was to Alaska and it was, for me, an exhausting and gruelling experience. He loved me so much he let me go when he could see that my life was being altered negatively by his.
  4. Thank you. Larry was a wonderful husband and father The question “Why not?” has been on my mind as well. I feel I have a task ro accomplish but I do not know yet what it is. Larry had accomplished his task and it was time to let him go. My mind and spirit are still locked in grief and the answer to “What is my task?” has not made itself clear. I feel lonely but I also feel I must retreat for a time. For now my heart is broken and all I can do is give it time to heal.
  5. Thank you. I do have some hard times , none of this is easy. This summer I will go to our different haunts, Grand Forks, Brandon, Gimli, Morden, Birds Hill Park to say goodbye to the times we shared there, mourn the loss of the times we will never have there again. I miss the man he was before he developed this. I still ask why, but there is only one answer, why not? He was a strong person and he showed us all how a man can die with dignity even if his body is ravaged.
  6. Thank you. This end was not how we imagined our retirement. Larry was exactly one year short of reaching retirement. We did not have the opportunity to fulfill our first retirement dream, to see Canada’s east coast. I am still three years away, but I will make that trip in his memory. Shortly Before making his decision he looked at me and said with such assured confidence, “I won’t make it to 65 Dear”. I knew it to be true at that very moment as well.
  7. Hi. I have cared for my husband for 12 years. He was initially diagnosed with Blephrospasum Dystonia and later developed Ataxia which made both of our lives a living hell. In January he lost his ability to swallow his medication and foods. He was in such pain we went for what would be our last of many trips to the ER. When the doctor arrived and asked what she could do for him he said “I just want to die!” Her response, “Ok, lets make that happen.” She left the room as my husband, my daughter and I sat in stunned silence. Thus began our journey into the realm of Medical Assistance In Dying. Larry was admitted, given Morphine and a Fentenal patch and we began a process I had never heard of. After he was admitted and settled my daughter and I went to our respective homes and contemplated this new turn. The next day I was at my husbands bedside when the nurse came in with papers requesting my signature giving them approval to end my husbands life. I sat still stunned and just looked at them my husband asking me to sign them. In a flash the nurse returned for the documents. Her comment, It is what he wants. I told her we needed to meet as a family to discuss this, and with pleading eyes look into my Larry’s eyes. He agreed. The next day my two daughters and my Larry and I discussed his wish to die. I did not sleep that night. For 12 years we have given 150% to making the best of our lemons and now just like that we were going to quit? Our youngest daughter did not want this to happen. Larry decided to give her the time she needed. He and Michelle had many long talks. One morning the wakes me. Larry calling from his room “I know what to do. I thought about it all night. I will die on my birthday.” I dressed in two minutes and off I went to the hospital. He was sure this was the right thing. In the end we supported his decision. April 11, 2018 Larry was scheduled to die. It was a long two months. Larry passed all the criteria paperwork was filled in and the wait began. I have to go back and see the video he sent to our foster daughter in Germany to remind myself why we thought this was the right thing to do. I play it every day. I printed pictures we took in the hospital so I have a constant reminder of why. I ask myself this question so often but when I view this video I am remembering why. He struggles to talk, he struggles to breathe. This is why. His body let him down. The vessel in which he lived had deteriorated to the point it could no longer house his spirit and we had to let him go. He came home the day before and we spent his last full day together. The next day after school and work we had a birthday party for him. The grand kids knew nothing of what would happen after the party. The MAID team arrived at 8:00. The Winnipeg Jets were playing their first playoff game. It went into overtime. The team prepared him to receive the injection. Suddenly the Jets score in overtime winning their first playoff game. “Larry are you ready?” Oh we forgot Paull’s urn. He asks , “What if my hand opens when it’s over and Paul falls out?” “ Don’t worry Dad, I am holding your, hand he will be safe” Michelle answers. He turns to me and says, “You will remember to return the wheelchair .” I promise I will. The next thing I know I am being asked to move so they can check for a heartbeat . He is gone. My life is forever changed. DB468BEA-D48E-46DC-B10E-DF3C9DF70984.MOV
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