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About RockyTopp

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    San Bernardino
  1. I met my now ex-boyfriend at the obstacle course training gym he worked at and I knew right away that he liked me. He bent the rules a little and emailed me his number, so we started talking more and I invited him up to take him horseback riding and paintballing while I had time during spring break. Within a few visits (he lives an hour away) he had met my entire family and friend group. We are both very driven people so we were wise with how often we could meet and never wanted to leave each other once we were together. This was my first relationship and he made me feel very secure and loved, he would give me small sweet kisses whenever the situation allowed and I could feel all my worries wash away when he did that. About two months into our relationship my friends of 8 years left because I expressed I felt they had disrespected my mom who’s roof they were living under for quite a while. He supported me through this and gave me an amazing birthday I will never forget. He started a new job just after and I was busy with finals in school so we talked less than we used to, but made plans to see each other. I began to worry when I didn’t hear anything from him because it was unusual for him. He didn’t want me to meet his parents so I had no way of finding out. Eventually he texted me apologizing and explaining that his best friend committed suicide the day prior and he went on a bender with his friends (he doesn’t normally drink). I told him he could talk to me, but that I understood if he didn’t feel like it and gave him space. He then messaged a few days later that it had been a rough few days, I told him I was relieved to hear from him and asked if there was anything I could do. He said he was doing better and talked a bit about the funeral. I asked if he had ever told me anything about this friend but I didn’t hear anything until a week later when he broke up with me because he was not in the right mind set to be in a relationship. I could tell he took his friends suicide hard because he stopped talking to me and that it was the reason for braking up because we were so happy before. I offered my friendship to him because I know that’s what he needs right now, but really I wish I could tell him that if he ever felt he was on the right path in the future and still had feelings to let me know, but I know that is definitely not what he needs right now. I do believe we could be friends because we were essentially friends first and it being my first relationship I was not used to being a girlfriend yet. He is an amazing person and just wants to good in this world and I would like him to be a part of my life, however that may be. Many people say to surround yourself with friends and family but my close friends left and my mom’s brother is dying in the hospital so I don’t want to stress her out even more by her seeing my cry over this. The only other time in my life I was this distraught was when we had to put my beloved dog down (I had never cried or been in so much pain in my life). The hardest part is knowing we would have been great together under different circumstances and little things that remind me of our relationship together. We were supposed to go on a mud run next weekend, but it was moved to a week before his birthday in early September. Mostly I am confused on whether or not I should contact him and what about or how.
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