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widow'15

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  • Content Count

    186
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About widow'15

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    wife
  • Date of Death
    04/08/2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Tacoma, WA

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  1. kayc: So very sorry for you and Arlie. Prayers are with you and your sweet boy. Dee
  2. Kayc: My heart breaks for you. I know exactly how you must feel as I have had to face this decision last fall. I found out my beloved Maddie who will be 12 years old in August had bladder cancer. The tumor was in a place that could be removed, but this kind of cancer always returns. I had to make the decision on my own that I would spend the money and give her a chance not only to keep her alive, but also to keep me from giving up totally on my life. I received comments and remarks, "Isn't that going to be expensive"? and another comment, "Why would you do this?" I rationalized my lonely life, that unlike many women in my position, who love to travel, love to shop, go to beauty shops, etc., etc. I get no enjoyment out of any of those activities, and since my husband passed in 2015, my Maddie is my reason to get through each day. I was told by her oncologist I could expect her to live comfortably for at least a year. She recovered from the surgery well, and her chemo treatments were not difficult for her. The last two ultra sounds have been positive, no cancer has returned. I know the day is coming when it won't be good news, but like this grief path, I only take one day at a time and am thankful for each morning when she comes into my bedroom to wake me with her cold wet nose nudge. I did promise her that when she got to the point where she is suffering I will not allow her to suffer. I am only telling you my story and without any judgement. I know where you are and wish I could say something to take away the pain. Your Arlie is such a handsome boy and his smile would win anyone’s heart. My prayers are with you and Arlie. Take care. Dee
  3. Shirley and JTB: I too have noticed seeing the repeat of 44 or 444 throughout my day. I googled the incidence and came across the article similar to what Shirley shared. Many times I started to ask this forum if anyone else has experienced seeing a repeat of numbers, but thought I would be considered more weird than I often feel about myself anymore. I would love to believe it is a divine sign telling me I am on the right path. Maybe it is a beginning for me since I so much want to have a direction. Shirley, thank you for being informed and well versed in your explanation. I do enjoy reading your comments. Dee
  4. CairnLady: I hope you will share pictures of the Butterfly Garden when all is in full bloom. Butterflies are messengers of our loved one looking over us. Michael's Garden is wonderful and a true expression of your love for him. Thank you for sharing. Dee
  5. Marg and Gwen: Me too, had an "laugh out loud" moment. Thank you Marg for that. Dee
  6. Katie: Even though you are struggling so much it is a good sign you are still responding on the forum as well as choosing to be in therapy. You may feel alone, but you have all of us pulling for you as you face each day. You are strong. Big hug, Dee.
  7. kayc: now that's a perfect Mother's Day present. Nice. Dee
  8. JTP: So sorry you have had to join this forum, but it is a good place to find those who do understand. I lost my "Bob" in 2015 after almost 51 years of marriage. Your introduction does not say how long you were married, but it really doesn't matter how long you were married - it just matters that someone you loved so deeply is no longer with you. I can't advise an easy path to take to get you through this pain. Each one of us have our own path to walk. Mine has been to take one day at a time and take deep breaths whenever I don't think I can do this anymore and there so many days I still don't think I can do one more minute of this life. You are blessed to have a support system of family and friends close by. Take care and know you are not alone. Dee
  9. kayc: Hope all went well with your surgery. It doesn't sound like anyone drove you to your appointment??? It is understandable you didn't sleep well. Our spouses were our support system in so many ways. Prayers for you as you wait for the results and your safe return trip home. Dee
  10. Best Wishes on your Birthday, Mitch. Dee
  11. Karen OB: So sorry you are at this place in your life and have become a participant in this forum. Since you are here now, you have chosen well. There are lots of nice supporting folks here that will help you just by caring how you feel. You are only 3 months into this grief so I can't imagine how frightened you are to face an occasion that is suppose to be celebrated when your heart is unable to remember how to beat. Not sure what I would do in your place to be honest with you. But, maybe by September you will have a different feeling. Just take one day at a time and get through it before you tackle the next day. I lost my husband in 2015 and am still only able to deal with one day at a time. Dee
  12. Gwen: So glad your friend was there. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Dee
  13. Gwen: So sorry you're having another bad day. I, too, hate weekends so much. Hoping your doctor has your medication figured out. At least you treated yourself with a Best Burger. Some days I stop at a local sandwich shop and order a Turkey Gobbler on whole wheat smothered with cream cheese and cranberry sauce with a small side salad to treat myself and tell myself I deserve it. Bring it home and sit in a quiet house with the company of my sweet Maddie. I thought about your question, on how does one find contentment when you face being alone and don't care about things. Had a long phone conversation with a high school friend today - we've known each other for 60+ years - and all she could talk about was how she enjoys going to hairdresser, makeup, etc., etc. All I could think about is how I don't like to do all those things and don't have the energy to try. Funny how life can change us in so many ways. Take care. Dee
  14. Johnny: I wholeheartedly agree with brat#2 - "do what feels right to you and hope you don't have to spend it alone". So sorry you are having to face this. Dee
  15. Kayc: Positive thoughts and prayers as you wait for surgery to remove Melanoma and then the waiting to learn what your next step will be. The waiting and wishing and hoping and praying is so hard. Hugs. Dee
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