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About widow'15

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    Advanced Member

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    Tacoma, WA

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  1. widow'15

    Solitary Grief

    Marg: You are blessed to have your family so close every day and I think I know what you are saying about "God left me here for a reason". I constantly wonder why am I here and just what am I supposed to do with myself. Everyday I ask myself why did God take my Bob from me when I need him so much. I know now I am not a complete person and was the closest to being complete when I was married to my husband. My two children are not always right here every day, but so far when I can't function they find a way to help me as best they can. I am thankful for that and try to remind myself there are so many of those who don't have anyone to help. I will disagree with you though, your words that seem to flow so easily, are not words of a person with a cold heart. You give me joy reading your "word salads". Gwen's willingness to volunteer has been a Blessing to many by showing them they are cared about. Dee
  2. Gwen: So sad you have to endure the insurance company run around game. I am surprised you were able to get a real person to talk to. Seems anymore all that is available to one is a recorded voice repeating a multitude of options telling one to push #1, etc. Am hoping you can get this issue settled soon. I second your complaint of it being dark at 4 pm. The Pacific NW has been sunny recently but it is reaching the low 30's and 20's during the night which drives my achy bones crazy. I hesitate to complain to my doctor too much or she will prescribe some pain pill that will have worse side affects. If you need to vent - please do. As you can see from everyone's remarks, you are in our thoughts. Hope you can feel our support. Dee
  3. Gwen: Sorry your were in ER again and know you must be somewhat relieved you are home in spite of being alone in such a time. Interesting that giving up nicotine can be such an ordeal on the body. I understand the withdrawal, but to think your lungs having to work harder can be an issue. Please know you are in my thoughts as you get over this hurdle. Dee
  4. Gin: Glad to hear your grandson is back home and feeling better. Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers that another medicine alternative can be found. Dee
  5. Gin: I hope your grandson is better this morning. When I was a child, my uncle who lived upstairs in the same duplex with my family would have seizures. Hopefully he is home once again. And this is my 4th one without Bob. I too am trying to get myself into some kind of Christmas Feeling. My Granddaughter will be spending the night with me on Sunday evening so I plan to have her help me decorate. I have what I call a "Christmas Memory Tree" which is a tree made out of driftwood that my mother in law created years ago - it's not a typical Christmas tree to say the least. The branches are wrapped in silver tinsel rope and small white lights and I hang my children's ornaments they made in grammar school (my kids are 50 and 44 yrs old now) along with other memorable Christmas ornaments and photos. My two grand kids get a laugh at their Father's artistic ability. I purchased a wreath from the Boy Scouts last weekend and it is hanging in my front entryway. So hard to push through the pain of the loneliness, especially this time of the year. Dee
  6. Very well said Gwen. So very sorry for your recent loss CaptJack8642. Dee
  7. Gin: So sorry you sound so frightened but understand your grief intensifying your fear. This being alone without someone to help us is so worrisome. Since you say you have power, just try to stay put and not get too anxious to get out. Thinking about you and hoping the storm is over. Dee
  8. widow'15

    Profound Quote

    Gwen: I won't wish you a Happy Birthday, but I will wish you Birthday Wishes that you have a decent day tomorrow and maybe find a short period of time when you aren't in physical pain. I sympathize with you and your never ending pain. My daughter suffers with chronic back pain. She has had two back surgeries and every kind of pain medication to enable her to live her pain filled life. She has a friend that has a pain pump. Would this be something that might give you relief? I had never heard of it. Birthday Wishes - Dee
  9. Katie: So very sorry for your family to be so ill. It seems like more challenges are everywhere for you and your sweet ones. Your Mom sounds so loving to be there with all of you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Dee
  10. TomPB: Funny you shared this as this is exactly how I felt yesterday spending Thanksgiving Dinner with a neighbor. I did my best to be part of the kind neighbor's Holiday celebration and I am Thankful I was invited. But once back home I asked myself , "Really, who am I anymore?". At least now, I know I am not loosing my mind. Hopefully, I will soon have an answer. Thanks for sharing. Dee
  11. Amy: Yes, do whatever gives you comfort. It has been three years since I lost my husband, I still wear my wedding ring. It's not that simple for some of us. Only you will know when it is time. I also wear his wedding band on my right middle finger. And, yes the waves will come without any warning. Take care of yourself. Dee
  12. widow'15

    It hurts so bad

    Amy: So sorry to read your introduction to this forum. I lost my beloved husband in April 2015 unexpectedly. Your happy marriage was not nearly as long as mine. All of us here have different stories but all of us were not ready to say goodbye to our partners. The only advice I can tell you that has gotten me to this point, is as others have mentioned, is "Take only one day at a time". You along with your children will have much to deal with in the coming years. I was sixteen when my Dad unexpectedly died as the result of an automobile accident. Hopefully you will have family and friends living around you for support. This on-line discussion group has gotten me through many a rough spot just by my signing on and reading that what I am is feeling at the moment has been experienced by others. This tells me I am not losing my mind. Take care of yourself and your children. Dee
  13. widow'15

    Solitary Grief

    Gwen and all: I decided to accept an invitation from a sweet neighbor who lives down the street. The family has two children who adores my fur baby Maddie. They have spent many days this past year throwing her ball for her to chase. My son's girl friend's mother also invited me to spend the day with them but I felt I couldn't impose on my son to have to drive almost an hour to pick me up, then drive me home afterwards. My being unable to drive at night can be a real problem in these short winter days, and besides I didn't want to be away from Maddie for a good part of the day. Actually, I would prefer to be home but since the neighbor was kind enough to offer an invitation I accepted. I can walk home. This will be my fourth Thanksgiving without my beloved husband. In the past, he would be planning to brine the turkey, prepare it to be put into the oven Thanksgiving morning and making sure to baste in a timely fashion. I would be busily preparing the cornbread dressing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, potato casserole, pumpkin pie, and/or apple pie, etc., preparing for the family to be with us in our home. Seems like I lived in another world from where and how I have to live now. I am Thankful I have some Happy Memories of past Thanksgivings to fall back on. Next, how to endure the upcoming Christmas Season. I heard a Christmas Carol on the radio today and felt that emptiness in my stomach and heart. I do hope each of you have a Thanksgiving that is not too painful and I am Thankful I have a place when I feel so alone I can sign on and see that I am not totally alone. Blessings. Dee
  14. Yes Gwen, Marg profoundly said exactly what you do by sharing your time with the nursing home residents. You are the Angel who remembers the forgotten. God bless you for doing so much good. Dee
  15. kayc: So beautifully stated to Katie. Your beautiful thoughts seem to flow so lovingly. I know for sure I am happy I found this place. And, I wish each and everyone of you some peace as we have to walk this path without our dear ones at our side. Dee