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widow'15

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Tacoma, WA

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    wife
  • Date of Death
    04/08/2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

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  1. Ana: When I read your comments today I tried to think how to respond to your question. Being old enough to be your mother, or even your grandmother, I searched my brain how I would respond to a daughter. And can only say, try to trust your own feelings what is right for you and not let others direct how you feel. I will assume you have sought counseling for your loss? Just know you are in my thoughts. Hugs, Dee.
  2. Thank you for that compliment, kayc. I am not as strong as you, and others are as you fight the grief war alone. Your "sharings" have helped me keep going, be it the wrong direction or not. I do hope your eye glasses are received correctly soon. Loved reading about the gift you received in the mail. 😆 Hugs, Dee.
  3. kayc: I hope you will not have to ever move from your home that you love so much. I wished I didn't have to make this move, but the reality is the worry and expense of maintaining my home does not make sense. I have a few more years on you and am dealing with vision problems and bones that hurt in the winter months .......plus my son was worried about me being so far away, etc. Making the decision to do this move right at the covid shutdown didn't help either. I'm stubborn enough, I will get this done in spite of myself. LOL. Gwen: As stated above from kayc's statement, is what started this plan. Another motivation was not wanting to leave 51 years of stuff for my kids to have to sort through......it just began to feel like it was time to take my memories of my dear husband and move to a more manageable home. My grand kids are growing up and I need to try to spend some time with them before I become that cranky old woman. Their generation already has Gramma asking, "what, who, what do you mean, explain that to Gramma, please." Like walking our grief pathway, we each have to walk it in our own way. I hope you won't ever have to leave your home that Steve and you shared since it gives you peace and comfort. When Bob and I moved into our last home in 1997, we both laughing agreed that moving was not fun and that the next move would be with only our toothbrush as we moved into a nursing home together. Well, that plan didn't work as we planned. Dee
  4. Gwen: I have also kept Maddie's toys. Her favorite was a jointed multi colored caterpillar that had a squeeker in it. She would use her nose to make it squeek to persuade me to play with her. She loved playing "chase me" around the living room. I miss my silly, sweet girl so much as I know you miss your beautiful girl, Ally. Like Alvin said, "Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault really." Hugs, Dee
  5. Alvin: Beautiful quote and so totally true as so many of us here on the Grief Forum will agree. To lose our life partner and then have to let our fur baby go a few years later only reminds us of our loneliness. My Maddie has now been gone over a year and my husband gone 6 years, each loss chips away at the heart. I envy your ability to write your thoughts so beautifully about your dear Dotti and your life with her. Being able to escape into your thoughts and put those thoughts on paper is a gift. Dee
  6. Mel's diet is very interesting. I would think green beans, carrots and canned chicken must keep her nice and trim. How did you discover she liked oyster crackers for treats? Their little inner time clocks are usually right on the mark when the time to snack or eat strikes. Yes, it's amazing what it takes to provide comfort for our fur babies. I did pass along Maddie's beds, she had one in every room, to my grand doggies..... except the special foam one that she would lay on at the front window. I over did it in purchasing it, but it was worth it cause it gave her a throne to view her front yard kingdom. I just can't let it go yet. I'm sure once my son has grieved the loss of his Nevada, he will be looking for another dog to rescue or adopt and the "throne" will have a new owner. Yesterday I was talking to a neighbor who needs to re home a domesticated wild bunny who chooses to live inside and is litter box trained. The female bunny retreats to her wire kennel when nature calls. I have never known bunnies could be litter box trained. I was tempted for a moment, but then thought I'd probably end up stepping on it as I shuffle around my house. Dee
  7. Gwen: Like kayc remarked, Ally is such a beautiful girl. I feel your pain having to let her go ..... time doesn't erase that pain, be it a year or less. My son had to make the decision to let his 15 year old yellow lab go last weekend. He is grieving needless to say. Dee
  8. Hi all: I agree with kayc and her definition of FB. When I opened a FB account back in the year 2000, it was fun to see how friends and family spent their vacations and got to see those I didn't always see, especially a few high school friends many years ago. But, now, since so many were voicing their political beliefs, I gradually stopped following some. Now the few left I'm "friends" with, makes me feel so sad to see all of them having a life, it magnifies what I don't have any longer. I am a member of a macular degeneration group that offers interesting information I'm still learning about this disease. Also, the little community I live in has an informational site that alerts of activities as well as alerts of break ins, coyote sightings, wandering pets, etc. I will miss that neighborly feeling once I get moved. Today, had a "handyman" person come and take care of a few items that the realtor felt should be done in preparation for listing my home. This emptying of the house is taking much too long in my opinion, I'm feeling like I don't want to do this anymore, but I know I can't give up yet. My car is loaded with boxes ready to drive out and my son came last night after work and hauled away a load of "stuff" that I will have to find places in my "little" gramma house this weekend. The tears keep streaming each time I open a cupboard and find more memories. Even after Bob being gone 6 years, it feels like he just left. I have to let the tears flow, wipe them away and continue on because I know I can't reverse my decision. Dee
  9. Gwen: Like kayc stated, I too wish there was something that could be done to help you get through this tough time. Don't feel you are boring us, we are here to allow you to vent your fears. At least you have set up options of reliance, i.e., alert buttons, mobile vet and 911. In spite of your pain, your brain sounds like it is working for you. I haven't been chiming in lately, cause my brain is drained of what I should be doing next. Still trying to get everything out of this house. It is slow going, cause I can only do a small amount of packing. As I look back at "my plan" I should have started two years ago. Please know I am thinking of you and Mel. Hugs, Dee
  10. Dee P: My label on this forum is Dee, also. Reading your post you state you are 28 so I am old enough to be your Grandmother and feel sad that you are having to find your way to a Grief Forum at such a young age. Losing your partner at three months, you are in the early stages of grief. The only advice I can offer is try to take each day one minute at a time and one step at a time. I hope you will find the strength to slowly face the grief of losing the young man you loved so deeply as difficult as it is. Good thoughts to you. Dee
  11. Yes Gwen, I was in the right turn only lane. I did wait for green light anyway. I agree people seem to be more and more rude on the road. My son, the truck driver, says he sees it all the time driving the big long semi trying to do his job delivering pallets of groceries from a Costco warehouse or one of those big box grocery stores or those big heavy items everyone orders on line. He sometimes has to move slowly as he backs between narrow apartment complexes, hospital loading docks, etc., etc. Or, on the freeway crazy people cutting him off to get in front of him not realizing it isn't easy to stop that big truck on a dime. People just seem not to want to wait for a minute. No, you are not a failure, Gwen. You are living in an unforgiving situation at the moment. I looked at my misadventure of the little speeding grey car as a tap on the shoulder to just WAIT until I feel perfectly confident or the light turns green. Like you, I miss being 100% as well. I just spent about 3 1/2 hours working with my son on a VA site trying to upload documents to no avail. We tried four different computers and kept getting the run around trying to verify who I was. I gave up and decided to address an envelope that will be dropped in the mail on Tuesday. Now if the post office doesn't shut down, I can check this chore off my list. LOL. Can't wait to see what next week brings me. Happy 4th to all. Dee
  12. Gwen: So sorry to see you had a fender bender. I so understand your feeling nervous about driving now. Each time I have to get in my car I am really nervous about driving. All of the trips to my new place, an hour drive, I have to schedule the drive depending on the time of time. Can't leave my old place, heading east, before noon or the sun will be in my eyes. When I return from the new place, heading west, I have to leave before the sun starts moving towards the west. Even with sun glasses on and the tinted windshield, the sun blinds me. And, I never drive in the dark. I don't want to stop driving cause I will become more helpless but I know the time is coming when I probably will. On one of my trips out to my new place as I stopped at a red light I inched out and thought I didn't see anyone coming from the left. Well, evidently I goofed caused next thing I knew I heard this fast little grey car without lights on, blaring his horn, zooming past me and probably giving me the "finger wave". I felt so very stupid and was so thankful I didn't cause an accident. So, don't feel like you are singled out .... these things happen. So, I told my self next time I am not going to take that free right turn, I was going to wait for light to turn green. So, following my thought process, the next time I'm sitting at the red light waiting for the green light and the yahoo behind me honks at me for not turning on red light. I'm sure he was in a big hurry and couldn't wait the minute and half for the light to turn green. Grrrr. Dee
  13. Agreed Marg, it is so true our special someone will always live in our heart as long as we keep them there. I continually get angry when I receive a piece of mail that says "Ms", I am still a "Mrs". Special thoughts going out to you today, Marge. Dee
  14. Gin: So sorry to read you are having hand problems. There is so much we need our hands for just to function daily on our own. I hope your appointment on Tuesday will give you some answers that won't mean surgery........that dreaded word we all here shudder to say. Will be thinking good thoughts for you. Hugs, Dee
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