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About widow'15

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
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    Tacoma, WA

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  1. Gwen: You are a great dog mom. If you weren't you wouldn't be struggling with this decision to have a plan. As long as your Ally is still moving around a lot sounds like she is not quite ready to leave you. Yes, do love and enjoy every minute with her. Each day is a gift to you. Hugs, Dee.
  2. Oh Gwen: You know I am feeling your pain and your fear as you have to make this decision. You are doing what you need to do in a loving, caring responsible way. I don't know what I would have done had my daughter not been able to be here when I had to let my sweet Maddie go. My heart is breaking, and tears are streaming down my face knowing how painful this is for you. I am here if I can help in any way. Love to you, Sweet Ally and Melody. Dee
  3. With a lot of self encouragement, I accepted an invitation to go to my son's house for dinner today. The offer to drive an hour to his home would force me out the house which I haven't left since June 9th when I went out to pick up my Maddie's ashes from the mortuary. I know Gwen, you are shaking your head and wondering how can she stand to stay home for such a long time? I sound like a crazy person, I'm sure. The difficulty of the day was leaving my house without my Maddie in the back of my car eagerly waiting for a chance to run outside with my son's two dogs. After spending a comfortable day eating outside in the warm sun with my two grandchildren, my son and his fiance coming home was even more sad when I opened my garage. Still, there was no Maddie to greet me, no one at home. No one, nothing but an empty house. My Father passed away when I was 16 years old and there have always been a feeling I lost out on many years of memorable events a daughter enjoys with a Father. He was only 40 when he died, my Mother was 38 with two children and limited ways to earn a living. If nothing else, his early death taught me there is no guarantee in any marriage that a husband will always be there to watch over a family. This event forced me to be sure I needed to first have some kind of training to be able to support myself before I could be persuaded to marry anyone. My son struggles without his Dad and finds it difficult to even talk about memories of him. I worry about his pushing his grief aside. I feel he does it so not to experience the sadness and pain. He will have to find his own way I know. Just so hard to be a Mother sometimes and keep my feelings to myself. But, was glad I encouraged myself to leave my house today. I was able to watch the kids be kids laughing and playing together. Dee
  4. Gwen: Sorry, I have had the same question in my head that Karen is asking? Dee
  5. kayc: Sorry to see today is a sad day for you. The reminder of them never leaving us is comforting. My heart shares your pain as I read the poem. The years that we face without our loved ones, husband and fur baby, doesn't seem real some days. Life now is an unhappy dream. Waking up every day alone with no other living being making a noise in the house, no conversation, no routine anymore........... is more than anyone should have to bear. Hugs, Dee
  6. Oh no Gwen: What a disturbing situation for you. Being blindsided describes an awful issue mildly. I can only hope whoever you were speaking with was mistaken and that this will be rectified for you. Keeping you and Melody, and Ally in my thoughts. Hugs, Dee
  7. Marg: So happy to read you experienced a "bitter sweet feeling" doing what you love. We need to find those moments of happiness whenever we can. I totally understand even though I don't fish. This beautiful lake is so close, hope you get to return soon. Hugs, Dee
  8. Laura: What wonderful news for you and Helen. Best Wishes to you both in your future together. It is refreshing to hear happy news for a change. Dee
  9. Gwen: Unfortunately I think all of us have had to make the decision how to handle a connection relationship. I know I experienced a long time relationship with someone since high school, and all of a sudden the connection broke. To this day I don't know what changed, but it did. Since high school we used to talk on the phone sometimes for hours - usually because she felt it necessary to relive her high school years. Even though I understood her need due to her choices in life, I would let the long telephone conversations go on and on. I had found my happy marriage, and she had walked away from her marriage. I tried to be her long distance friend, but suddenly it was evident she wasn't interested in continuing. I removed her from my Facebook Friends so I wouldn't have to see her posts and comments. Once that was done, I felt peace inside me. I should have blocked her phone number in my smart phone cause she has texted me twice with updates on a classmates passing and another classmate's health. Have blocked her phone number now. I may be misreading your pain, but I wonder if her decision to replace her fur baby so quickly could be causing you distress. Last week, my husband's 92 year old aunt called to chat and I shared with her that I had to let my Maddie go. Her response to my news was, "Are you going to get another dog?" Those words really hurt cause I knew I could never replace something so dear to me. I had to remind myself that she was 92 years old and not that much into dogs, although she did know how much I loved my Maddie. I just told her, "No, I'm too old to have the responsibility of caring for a dog. It wouldn't be fair to get another dog." I hope my response makes sense to you. Hugs, Dee
  10. Yes, kayc, in our thoughts. Good that you stayed on top of the follow up appointment. Dee
  11. kayc: I am assuming this is on your leg? Dee
  12. kayc: So sorry to see you will have surgery really soon. Keeping good thoughts for you. Dee
  13. Mitch: When I saw your sweet Tammy's face pop up on the forum, I thought for a moment you were going to have some happy news since I haven't seen you for awhile. So sorry today is one of those reminders of what should have been a happy day, but now reminds us what we lost. My heart goes out to you today. Hugs, Dee.
  14. kayc: I guess I never thought of our "blind date" meeting to be a beautiful love story. We used to laugh about how the love story began, actually. My husband had a way of making me laugh at so many things in life. In the beginning of our relationship, I think I was mostly attracted to his sense of humor and his love of being outdoors. I know you kept that letter George wrote asking you to marry him, right? The cards and letters Bob wrote me are tucked away, and I do try to read them, but I can't get through them yet. Marg: So perfectly stated: If only there could have been more years.......wanted more of what we had. Hugs all, Dee
  15. Gwen: Breaks my heart to read Ally's future with you. I know your fear as you watch her change. Just treasure each moment you still spend with her and your "hermit", Melody. You and your girls are in my thoughts. Hugs, Dee.
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