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widow'15

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About widow'15

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    wife
  • Date of Death
    04/08/2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Tacoma, WA

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  1. Gwen: No, never watched Men of a Certain Age - sounds hilarious. Dee
  2. Gwen: Really??? Your answer made me laugh out loud. Tell me you were teasing. Or, maybe I have a sick sense of humor. I remember my last colonoscopy when my husband drove me home after the test, I was starving and we stopped so I could fill up on some carbs at a pancake restaurant. I can still his blue eyes staring at me as I blabbed my head off. Couldn't stop talking and he just sat there and listened to me the whole meal. Miss my sweet husband. Dee
  3. Kayc: Our fur babies have alarm clocks that aren't always timed with ours. I really don't know how you can drive without coffee. I wouldn't dare get into a car to drive without my "fix". But, guess, we have to do what we have to do. I recently had to change my primary care doctor because of her retirement. I had been with her since about 20 years ago and followed her even though she moved her office about an hour away. Luckily, I was able to find a new primary care doctor, another female, that is only about 5 minutes away. I seem to be more comfortable with female doctors? The new doctor immediately referred me for two tests, a bone density, only 15 minutes away; and an ultra sound at a hospital located in downtown Tacoma, about 45 minutes away. Have not driven that area since my husband passed away 4 years ago. Brought back so many heart wrenching feelings as I had to drive myself. If he were here, he would have driven me and waited in the waiting room. I was holding my breath when she was asking when my last colonoscopy was. If she orders one, I will have to schedule it when my daughter comes for a visit. The last one, my hubby was there. More heart wrenching feelings. My hubby was there.
  4. kayc: Sorry to hear the Easter plans didn't work out. And yes, we are too often having to make the best of what our life is now. Dee
  5. Gwen: Oooh what I would give to hear that wonderful sound of my hubby snoring as I tried to sleep. Dee
  6. kayc: I am hearing you where our kid's life is so busy or different than when they were young and our parents were always included in holiday celebrations. My daughter lives 6 hours away and is dealing with her health issues. My son lives an hour away with a family situation that I had wished he hadn't gotten himself involved in. My two grand kids have different mothers and sometimes there are other children from the second mother's marriage in the mixture. I find myself home alone on these special days a lot. But, I find with my age, I am happier home alone with my fur baby, Maddie, in a less noisy environment. I just had my two grand kids (age 12 and age 7) for two nights last week and am finally getting my house and my sleep back to normal. Was fun to have them visit, but boy does my age show it. I realize your grand baby is still an infant and they do change so quickly. Hopefully, you'll find yourself on the road for a Blessed Easter with your family. Dee
  7. Johnny: If it will warm your heart, then you do it. You need to find those little things that give you happiness and some peace on a daily basis. Dee
  8. Johnny: You chose well. A lovely picture of you and your Rene'e. Dee
  9. Johnny: Sorry to see that you have had to join this club. But, you will find solace by writing and reading comments on this forum. I just had to face an anniversary on April 8th - I lost the love of my life on April 8, 2015 after being married almost 51 years. He drove a 1999 diesel truck and now each time I hear a diesel truck my heart stops. It is good that you can dream of Rene'e. I can't seem to dream of my husband as much as I would like to. When I do dream, if I don't write down the dream as soon as I wake, I will forget. I agree, it is comforting to dream of them. Even after four years, I still say what you say: "I wish I could just go back to the life I once had". But, I am so Happy I did have those years with my blue eyed man - and I was always amazed how his eyes twinkled when he teased me, always making me smile. Like so many have said, "Take One Day at a Time". Dee
  10. LOL Gwen, PB is always on my grocery list and I can't get through the day without a PB and jelly sandwich for lunch. I have to buy the smaller jars since the old hands can't open larger jars. Will try the activity of the scraped out jars on Maddie. So funny. My husband's choice was PB and banana. Dee
  11. I'll second that motion on peanut butter, Shirley. My 71# Australian mix has to take a daily pill and she never has cooperated on downing pills, small or large. One time when she had a UTI , I attempted a very large antibiotic pill with all kinds of enticements, with no success and unfortunately, the vet told me the pill could not be ground up. But, the antibiotic could be given in a shot. Spendy, but was able to get her over her UTI. And someone, maybe Gwen, mentioned the peanut butter which solves this daily pill - even tho it is a small pill. In fact she tells me when it is time to take the peanut butter/pill mixture. Silly dog. Good luck, Dee.
  12. Oh Gwen: My heart breaks for you as I read this. Dreams can seem so real. If you should have to watch anyone's face in the real world as you share, please ignore what you think someone is thinking. You have the right to feel this loss. Please know I care how you feel. I have been trying to remember a dream I had last week, and I can't remember it. I can only remember the other person who was in it besides me. My memory will soon forget about it and it will leave me. Hope this dream leaves you quickly. Dee
  13. Kayc: Your grandchild, Vincent is so adorable. How good you got to spend time with your family and celebrate a birthday in such fun way. And, your son is really amazing - he can do anything can't he? From repairing autos to making beautiful birthday cakes. You were an amazing Mom to have shared some genes with him. Dee
  14. Marg: I have to disagree with you. You are strong. All of us who get out of bed every morning and get on with the day without our partners are demonstrating some strengths. All those years you worked, went through your serious health issues and now having to deal with being without Billy does not show weakness. Our kids will find their way somehow after we are gone cause we have done all we can for them while we are here. I am not very religious but I try to be and I try to tell myself they are in God's hands now. Each Eleanor Roosevelt quote does drive my brain in so many ways. Thanks for sharing. I will print and find a place on my refrigerator that is covered with grand kids' art work to remind me what I need to do each day. I like the one “Do one thing every day that scares you.” I have not read C. S. Lewis' book but his quote does explain why I feel so afraid all of the time. Take care of yourself and thank you for sharing. Dee
  15. Gwen: I am grateful for my kids and can't imagine how I would go on without them. I seldom get together with them, so am alone a lot. My daughter lives 6 hours south of me and my son has a crazy life with two families he has to deal with - His divorce means he only has his son 50% of the time. I am more of a nuisance to him I'm sure. Yes, he is carrying a heavy burden with the loss of his Dad. He regrets his life kept him from spending more time with his Dad plus the indelible picture of his Dad dying of a heart attack in front of him in the hospital. Too much for a son to have as his last time with his Dad. Life would be unbearable if I didn't have them and I am so sorry you feel the disconnection. Grief is enough not to have a shoulder to lean on and get a hug every once in awhile. Dee
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