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Rahn

Contributor
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    11
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About Rahn

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    virginia beach

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Husband
  • Date of Death
    July 5 2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    None

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  1. Thank you everyone for your words. I really am trying to live through the pain. When i am not feeling the pain i feel guilty about not feeling it. I look at a picture or i think about her and i am there all over again. I just want to wake up from this nightmare but i can't let myself.
  2. What is the point of going through all this pain. What's the point of being left behind to watch my daughter who was best friends with her mother cry and be crushed again everyday under the weight of missing her mother. I so wish it was me because then her mother could help her though her pain. I was suppose to go first. I suffer with depression. She loved life. I didn't want this life anymore she did. So she gets taken and i get left behind. It's like some kind of cruel joke. There is no just reason to leave someone like me and take someone like her. Today is a bad day in a string of bad days. Not eating or sleeping makes it worse. I just don't see the point. It's 8pm and i am sitting with the plate of food my daughter put next to me. It would be the first thing i ate today but the thought of eating makes me feel worse. Food seems like a pointless waste of time. When does the peace of mind come?When does this start to hurt less? Nothing makes me feel better. It's like she just died last night. I don't even remember her laugh anymore.
  3. Tom, that is great that you met someone. As i do not believe in coincidences the signs look good for you. Any happiness after the intense grief of loss is welcome. Good luck.
  4. Katie I am sorry for your loss. What you are going through seems so unimaginable to me. It has been 34 days since i lost my wife and we were together for 25 years. I have only had one day in the last 34 that i did not cry uncontrollably. 94 if i count the 2 months she was in the hospital. I am writing this to you for two reasons. The first is to express my most heart felt condolences. I feel the pain, emptiness, and disbelief that Wanda is gone everyday. Everyone else can tell you about it getting better but I am still in alot of pain. I pray yours will be tolerable soon. The second reason is I have battled depression for years before my wife got sick. I was seeing a doctor and on meds when we found out her cancer was back and it was everywhere. I almost did not survive it. Had it not been for the people at the suicide hotline, my brother, my mother, and my wife herself from her hospital bed i would not be here. It was the thought of the pain that was the hardest thing for me. I did not want to live through the pain. I was not thinking about the pain it would cause my kids. I was thinking about my pain and the depression made it so much worse. Depression is worse than any physical pain i have had. In the moment it seems like everything. My pain was just about my wife was going to die. It sounds like your husband had so much more pain going on. I can't imagine. I am not making excuses or anything like that. I just wanted to convey my experience to you. It comes down to that last second that changes everything. There may have been nothing you could have done even if you knew how bad he was feeling. I am sorry that he went through with it. Sorry about the wreckage that a personal decisions sometimes leaves in its wake. I hope you and your kids will be ok someday. Ron
  5. Sorry for your loneliness of being in the hospital. I just spent two months in the hospital with my wife before she passed. I could not imagine not having someone there for even a minute. I hope you get better soon.
  6. First please allow me to say this. Happy anniversary Wanda. Today would be our 22nd wedding anniversary. 25 years since we started dating. I am saying this here because i have no were else to say it. I am sure sleep will not come to me tonight. Today promises to be a hard day to live through for me. Now to my issue. My 21 year old daughter lives with me and her 20 month old daughter. She just finalized her divorce from her cheating husband last week. It has been less than one month since Wanda died and i am still having the worst time dealing with it. My daughter and her mom were best of friends. They did everything together. She is sad and cries sometimes but all things considered is handling this so much better than me. I feel guilty because i feel like i am making this so much harder on her by being depressed and crying all the time. I wish i was stronger and better at this but i am not. Not only am i grieving but i feel terrible about doing it in front of her. I can't control it and i am bringing her down even when she is having a not so bad day. Help.
  7. Wow Tom I am sorry that happened to you that way. I feel the deepest since of loss and i had the opportunity to say goodbye. Even that is never enough. I have only had one day in the 3 weeks since she died that i did not spend more time crying on the verge of panic than not. I can't say any more than sorry that happened.
  8. My wife Wanda passed on July 5 2018. We were together for 25 years but we were going through a rough patch before the cancer came back. I never left her side from the time the doctor told her the cancer was back until she passed. We talked ever night and forgave each other for our parts of the problems we were having. I find that i can't remember all of the good times we had together. All i can think about is everything i missed. All the times she wanted my time and i stayed working or did other things that in retrospect where not as important. All the time she wanted to go for a drive and talk and i didn't go. The weekend that she wanted to get the kids together and go out that i didn't go. I can't get past the guilt. I can't ever get that time back and she is gone. I look at all the family pictures of the fun we had but i can't remember any of that. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how did you get past it?
  9. As i am reeling from my wifes death and everyplace i go and just about everything i do reminds me of her and hits me like a sledgehammer. I was thinking of picking up and moving to a new state for a fresh start. Has anyone in here done that. If so did it go well or was it a mistake. I am in need of some feedback for some people that have suffered like i am now
  10. Thank you to everyone that replied to my post. It was helpful to hear.
  11. My name is Ron and I just lost the love of my life for the last 25 years on July 5 2018. Breast cancer took her from me and our 4 kids. We spent more time together as a couple than we did apart. She was 45 when she died. We did everything together. I was holding her hand and our only daughter was holding her other hand when she died. That was the worst moment of my life. We did almost everything together. Now it hurts to do everything because it is without her. Eating hurts. I loved to cook because she loved my food. It hurts to try to sleep because i know i will wake up without her next to me. I don't know what to do with all this pain. How do you keep waking up everyday without your loved one.
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