sbm1111

thank you all once again. it is great knowing i have the support of this page to voice how i feel because i cannot confide in other i feel the burden building up sometimes. I feel He manipulated me at the lowest point in my life at a time of great grief. He was the person closest to me and only he knew the pain I went through with my mum and how happy the baby made me. He also knew how happy him and his family made me yet he threatened to remove all that if I didn’t obey by his commands. He was and is selfish. Only now I see how he manipulated me to get what he wanted and get free. What’s worse is he made a commitment a promise a vow to stick by me and try for a family in a few years. But he left only four months after, didn’t even tell me how he was feeling or even attempt to try save the relationship only put himself and his needs first. He didn’t care then he doesn’t care now. If he cared he wouldn’t have manipulated me nor would he have given up so quickly and cut me off so abruptly. If he cared the sacrifice he made would have meant something to him now despite his loss of feelings. And I feel him going on a holiday with another girl the one week of the whole summer that baby was due was just cruelty and really makes a statement of how he feels and the type of person he is. I feel he used my weak points at a time of immense grief to get what he wanted and it makes me sick. I wasn’t thinking straight and was blindsided by a person I trusted and loved he abused that. It’s only now I see this. And I honestly don’t want to speak to him again. If he ever texts again I will not be replying. I don’t think I could ever speak to him never mind get back with him after all this

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I agree with what you have said and sometimes that feeling of missing him overshadows the way he treated me in the end. Its been 3 months now and I am still very hurt over it all. Is this normal? I dont plan on communicating with him anymore, I am trying to build my self worth back. I deserve better than a text here and there to feed someones ego and altruistic needs. Its all or nothing. I miss my mum so much as she would have helped me immensely through this. Maybe thats why its taking me so long to get over this. Yes we had great times and I was so close to his family, but he did leave me when I needed him most. I dont always get on with my dad and a half hour before he ended it I cried as I didnt want to go home to the way things were and told me how grateful i was to have him and his family. I told him everyday I seen him how much i missed my mum. And I was also devastated that particular weekend as my best friend had moved to a different country only 5 days beforehand. He ripped my whole support network from under me. one thing I have learned is that he puts himself first no matter what. I sacrificed my baby and potentially a future baby for him because he promised me a future together. He point blank coerced and threatened to leave me if I didnt terminate. Only 2 months after my mum died. Both mum and I were very spiritual and I firmly believed that baby was a gift from my mum as she knew how much I always wanted a baby and always feared I would never get pregnant. I wanted to midwifery in college but was so afraid i would never have my own that I chose nursing instead. Of course he knew this and I voiced my concerns about a surgical termination over medical but it didnt matter. I said it was my choice but he kept sating it was his baby too and what about what he wanted. At the clinic i cried and cried and begged him but he kept his head down. After the procedure i nearly had to go to hospital as i passed out and my blood pressure dropped very low. but i suppose he has all that forgotten now since he doesnt even acknowledge me. I had a feeling it was a girl and wanted to name her after my mum. What hurt me so much was the week the baby was due he went on a one week sun holiday with two girls and one male friend. he never mentioned these friends during the relationship which one would assume he would if he is that close to them to go on a sun holiday with them. this happened only 6 weeks post breakup. we never even went on a sun holiday together. This really hurt because 1) it showed me his ability to move on so quickly and completely brush everything we had built and everything we had under the carpet just like that, like it never mattered, thus demonstrating my worth to him and how much he cared and 2) i felt it a complete lack of respect to do that to me that one week after all i done for him, I found it highly disrespectful to our baby also. He knew how much I was hurting and I feel like he made a mockery of me the situation. He clearly didnt care for me or baby. When he told me about the holiday he said he knew it would hurt me but what could he do.. he wanted a holiday and this was the only week his friends could go and they wanted to go that week. again the common denominator of he wanted a holiday. yes i miss him and his family so much. his parents were so good to me but then again none of them have reached out to me either. Sometimes i feel like its my heart that misses him and lets me get carried away pining for but my head that reminds me of what he has done. He also left me only 7 months after my mum had passed and even said he can not offer me emotional support that i need to deal with that. I feel like i went through that big part of me life with him and shared that special time with him but again he has ruined it in a sense as he has left with a part of her. only the harshest of people could walk away and leave a girl on her own with no support after the highly traumatic experience i went through all in the space of 7 months. I really hope he realises one day the hurt and pain he left me in.

thank you all for your kind words of understanding. I am finding life so hard at the moment. My mums first anniversary is in 6 weeks and there are memories of her care from this time last year popping into my head all the time. I feel so alone as I have no one to confide these in or share them with, I would have done with my ex. Although, as a nurse I see people die in hospital every day one thing I am so proud of is we brought her home which was her wish. It is also very hard as my ex was my rock at this time he was so good at the time of the funeral and he and his family looked after me so well. this year I am alone. My ex and I met 6 weeks after the break up but didnt go that well. I started crying as I became so upset when he told me he was going on holidays with other girls the week the baby was due and the week we had planned to go away. Also I became emotional over the baby too and in the end he just left told me he didnt know if he wanted to be friends or not but he would text me late july to "catch up". He kept his word but didn't have a catch up. He just said how are you hope your well, I replied being polite and positive he responded I responded but he didnt continue. I haven't heard from him since. This hurt me again as he promised me we would catch up but that wasn't a catch up he clearly just messaged to keep his word and make himself feel better. lately I have been missing him so much. we should be planning on moving in together now instead he is moving in with one of his new friends to the place we said we would move to. He has hurt me so much there is no denying that. I appreciate his feelings changed but I feel so let down as it wasn't a normal relationship given we had been through so much in the previous few months and I feel like he should have spoke to me and given the relationship a chance instead of just pulling the plug and moving on so fast, within weeks. he has no idea the pain I am in or the pain he has left me in. He may reach out for my mums anniversary but i dont intend on replying anymore as I always seem to get hurt and he always feels like he done a good deed. Part of me does hope he comes back because we did have a good relationship when we were good, we spent a lot of time together had a lot of fun and we were best friends he always said that. I do believe he loved me throughout the relationship I am confident he did. Given all we had been through and the way he feels now, based on your life experience is there any possibility in the future he may come back?

My boyfriend of two years ended it three months ago as he said he didn’t feel the same anymore, something was missing and I got the I love you im just not in love with you. We had a great relationship before that. We were best friends and were very close. We spent a lot of time together went everywhere together talked numerous times a day. I was even very close to his family and stayed with them 3-5 nights a week. But he has left me in a world of pain. My mum died last September, I was very close to her. A month later I discovered I was pregnant (not planned). I was so happy it felt so right and I felt like it was a gift from my mum. But my bf didn’t want the baby as he felt we were not ready both emotionally financially etc. He coerced me into terminating. I told him I didn’t want to but he said I would become a single mother if I didn’t as he couldn’t be in a relationship with me if I pursued. At the time, I lived with my dad and didn’t get on very well with him. My bf and his family were my greatest support, I stayed at their house 4-5 nights per week and I felt part of their family I was that close to them. We made a deal and he promised me we would start a family in three years when we were more financially stable, that he would never leave me and would spend his life making it up to me. Four months later he walks away and says “he meant it at the time but his feelings changed”. I feel that is not good enough as I made a life changing decision based on those terms only. He said he would leave me if I didn’t have one but left me anyway. After the termination things were ok again. When we were good we were perfect we were so in sync with each other and so happy (genuinely). Yes we did have arguments, even more so towards the end, as my emotions were all over the place. We had a large argument in March where I became really upset as it was 6 months since my mum passed. I became so emotional I called him excessively when he was out with his friends and text him persistently accusing him of not caring as he didn’t answer when I rang. We were ok in the weeks after that argument. We went away, carried on as normal and even made summer plans and I started counselling. When we broke up (4 weeks after the argument) he said he didn’t feel the same since that argument and for the space of two weeks his feelings changed he something felt missing. Of course he didn’t want to try work on things so left. We went NC then spoke 4-6 weeks later. He told me he cares a lot for me and I mean a lot to him, he missed the things unique to us but “not enough” to try again. We had a catch up and he told me how busy he was. The final straw for me was when he told me he was going on holidays with his new work friends - two girls two boys, the week the baby was due (6 weeks post BU) which was also a week we had planned to go away. This really cut me up as I feel it was so insensitive to both me and the baby and it felt like he was throwing everything back in my face after all i done for him. We also had talked about moving in together this September and he has told me he is moving to the town we had planned to in September and moving in with one of his new work friends. Please don’t say forget and move on as I am trying so hard to but its not easy as I am dealing with other losses too and my mums anniversary is coming up soon also. I am spending more time with my family and friends when I can. I am at the stage where I am letting go, I have no desire to contact him and TBH don’t know if I even want to speak to him again as he has hurt me so much. I feel almost afraid to speak to him after all the hurt he has caused me. I miss my mum so much and I know she would not like him now if she was here. I have no one else to confide in hence why I am here. Am I right to not want to speak to him again? How would you feel if you were in my shoes? Am I right to be angry and hurt after the way he has treated me between leaving me post ab and then the holiday? Thanks in advance.