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Everything posted by Kieron

  1. This is correct. Same with IRS, Social Security or legal matters. They *never* call you if it's legit, although your bank will call you if there's something funny going on. There's so much deception out there. I know someone who was scammed out of $6700 in fraudulent charges through a fake Amazon customer service number and she made some purchases at the direction of the fake representative, in order to get other charges refunded somehow, and got ripped off.
  2. Yeah, I heard it said that "You can't make new old friends." I have fewer and fewer of them, and this damned pandemic is reducing that number even further. And it's not like I can make friends easily to begin with!
  3. wow, I missed this thread of people's sudden losses. I am sorry to read about these, as well. ☹️
  4. You and Dee are both right, of course. It's the regrets talking, as we know. And as you say, Dee, with the country being in such upheaval, well, it could be worse for me.
  5. I'm kind of on the same wavelength. It's his 64th birthday today, and the angle of the light is just like it is on March 22 when he died, at the opposite end of the year. Only now, the temperatures are warmer and the color of the sky is hazier and the changing trees add a yellow/orange cast to the light coming through the leaves. I still don't know what I am going to do with this place or with myself, and I don't know why I feel like I "should" have it figured out. I was going through my journal a few days ago, and noticing how chaotic my life was then. I'm glad it's more settled bu
  6. It was one of those quotes that instantly felt "right" on a gut level and it was easily committed to memory.
  7. People do strange things in the throes of grief. I've seen it and lived it. I can certainly understand that you feel dumbfounded and hurt by his behavior, and I'm sorry to say there often is no explanation to be had. Probably better that you find out *now* what he's like during hard times, versus making a life with him and *then* finding out how undependable or erratic he can become.
  8. I don't recall who originally said this which I found on a Tumblr blog, but I saved it because I have done the Mixed-Message Tango a few times in my life. "If you can’t figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking." And the great thing about this quote is that it is not limited to love relationships.
  9. Hello, Marty will explain more soon, I'm sure, but hospice can be done at home! Like you, I didn't know that, and I wish I had known sooner. I thought hospice was a place a person goes to when they are dying. It can be at a hospital, yes, but mostly it is at home where the person is most comfortable, where family and friends can drop by. If nothing else, setting up hospice will take some of the burden off of you so you can spend more time sitting with your dad, enjoying one another's company.
  10. Sheesh, that's so typical. 🙄 Oblivious! The only thing he can think of is to try to hospitalize you or suggest a group therapy setting?
  11. I think anyone who shares our life with another person to the degree we have, you're going to step on toes, be short with one another, argue, bicker, snipe, and whine, and probably worse. We often set the petty, graceless sides of ourselves out on display around those who know us best, and it aint pretty. If we're lucky, they forgive. I, too, have those nagging regrets. I remember being annoyed or angry but cannot for the life of me remember what it was about. To paraphrase Dee, if I knew then what I know now... I wanted to add something: it's wise to be cautious of that word sh
  12. Kay, I think it's a measure of your resilience that you're here to tell the tale! Most people would have curled up into a ball and given up long since.
  13. There's even a term for it: helicopter parenting. I'm 47 and some of the client I see at work who are 21 - 30-ish are hopelessly inept at managing for themselves-- in almost any capacity. Sometimes I get assigned one and it's always the mom, sometimes the dad, but usually the mom, who arranges meetings, gives them a ride or runs messages when they don't answer their own phone. I try as hard as I can to avoid even interacting with the parent in this manner and force the young person to take their own calls, make their own appointments etc. In other words, holding THEM accountable.
  14. That's why I have the tagline I do (see below in smaller font, from the Lebanese-American writer and poet).
  15. Ana, you've vividly articulated something I never thought of. At first I thought you had made a 'typo" and intended to write another number, but then I saw what you meant. Another kind of age, another way of chronicling Time, not much different than adding up all the days that have piled up since that singular day which you call D day. I doubt I'll think of it the same way again, from here on out. Yes, we certainly do, and grieve them in our own quiet ways.
  16. True but at least it had AN ending. 😐 For us the film reel is still unwinding.
  17. yes, I've been noticing this since earlier this year. It's like Groundhog Day, the movie starring Bill Murray.
  18. I think we'd prefer radio chatter better than radio silence. 😊
  19. I've been wishing it away from here and where it is needed, but so far that's not working. 🤨 I've noticed a trend toward cooler and wetter summers, since I've been here so long.
  20. You're very welcome. It was a revelation for me. I ran across it in a book called "The Grace In Dying" by Kathleen Dowling Singh (1998). The preface is subtitled "How we are transformed spiritually as we die." The book covers a great deal of information, including transpersonal psychology. Not all of it is relevant to everyone, and it's not meant for people who are preparing for the death of a loved one. But it was eye-opening to read about what she calls the nearing-death experience. This is where the energy it takes to cross over is mentioned, in the section on "The signs and symptoms
  21. I was wondering about some of you out that direction. It's been very cold here, and wet. We don't need the moisture at all, and we are due for more scattered showers tomorrow. I could see my breath outside this morning. This is crazy!
  22. Speaking solely from my own experience... I learned--much too late--that the dying process takes a great deal of energy. Often, the person who is actively dying or has decided that they no longer wish to keep fighting to live, seems to withdraw, pull away, or seem depressed. This is what happened to my partner when he apparently made up his mind that he didn't want to keep on with treatment, or perhaps that he didn't want to be a burden, and/or face an even harder battle ahead. I assumed he was depressed and pulling away from me and being uncommunicative, which I felt keenly. You say you n
  23. I have no doubt of that. You're human and this is how humans react when they lose someone significant. All of us here "get it." We were once where you are now.
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