My mom was killed in a car accident on August 12, 2003. She was 54. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I live in Wisconsin. She lived in Montana. The stress of the accident suddenly put my pregnancy at great risk, so they decided to induce me immediately on August 13. After a very stressful and difficult 21 hours, my son was born. My mom missed the birth of my son because she fell asleep at the wheel of her car and drove off the road into a fence at 75 mph. I missed my mom's funeral b/c I was in the hospital having a baby. Who misses their own mother's funeral? Every day I look at my precious baby and wonder why. My mom was so excited about her first grandbaby. Now she'll never know the joy of seeing him smile or of hearing him giggle. I can't think of a time when I needed my mom more. I honestly just don't know how to get through this. Guilt is my overriding emotion: I feel complete devastation at her death and complete euphoria at the birth of my son. How can a person bear the absolute extremes of human emotion at the same time? How can I reconcile my joy with my sorrow?
