ArM48

I know this is a random loss topic but I cannot cope with all that I have lost lately due to human deaths, pet deaths, and a break up. The icing on the cake was getting an eviction notice last night which stated that we needed to leave our home in 10 days. My grandfather bought this home 50 years ago. When he passed away he didn't put the house in the will and my mom had to fight her brother's for it. They placed a new mortgage on the house and yadda yadda yadda, it was foreclosed on. I've lived here since I was a baby. Through everything else I've gone through lately, this home was all that I had left. It was my safe haven. The only place I found comfort in. I cannot even begin to explain my devastation and what this has done to me. I can't breathe. I can't eat. I can't think. I feel so alone and so lost. Is there anyone else who has gone through this who is able to tell me their own experience and sadness?

@kayc, Thank you for always being the one to reply to my posts! I know how much you have been through yourself over these years. I wish your loving husband was still here with you and I am so sorry you have had to go on without him in this world of heartless jerks. I just feel so badly for what my ex is going through because he lived alone with his dad and now he has to find somewhere else to live and plan his funeral and etc. etc. He is very young to have to be dealing with this (he is going on 24 and I am going on 29.) I have been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but it is overcome with 95% anger and hurt and I just can't control my rage towards him. What hurts even more is that he is the last person that I would ever think would treat me or anyone this way. He chased after me for years and was never with anyone else or was even talking to anyone else while I dated these trash guys because he had always held out hope that maybe I would one day come around. The worst mistake I ever made was giving him a chance. I don't know who he is anymore. He isnt even a shell of who he once was. He is a completely different person. I honestly just think he has found comfort in another woman because for months I have been nothing to him but his annoying ex who does nothing but bother him all day and add stress to his life. He won't even open his eyes and realize that I am the "annoying ex" because I am PREGNANT with HIS child. I am beyond disgusted by him and at this point I don't expect a reply from him ever again. He told me over and over he couldn't live a life without knowing his child and that he would probably take his life over it but the fact that he can ghost me for days on end shows how he really feels. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually blocked my number. Like how do you reply to everyone else sending their condolences and trying to talk to you during this time but flat out blatantly ignore the woman carrying your baby? I have my mom with me and she has been there for me through all of this and doing whatever she can but she does not know I am pregnant. I am always home and she is at work for the large portion of the day/night and all I do is lay around in sweatpants and baggy tshirts with a fleece blanket so it's not something she has noticed nor am I ready to tell her. Ugh I am rambling SO much, I am so sorry. I've just had no one to talk to about any of this. At this point I will be seeking child support. I messaged him that a couple hours ago with no reply and I know I won't get one.

I found this site back in December when I lost my beloved soulmate pet, Greenbean. Since his death my life had crumbled before my eyes. The county condemned my home that my family has owned for 70 years because of flooding issues that were brought on entirely by the county. I have 3 weeks to move out. I lost a friend of mine. I could no longer function and I left my job of 9 years and I withdrew from my classes at UMUC. To make matters worse, I have been keeping a secret from really everyone in my life except for my ex. In August I found out I was pregnant. He and I had broken up but when I told him he wanted to work on things with us. Not long after the his father began aggressively abusing alcohol. He had prior health issues but did not have much of a past with alcohol, let alone any issue with it. His health very quickly plummeted and soon my ex was in and out of the hospital constantly, watching over his father. But the moment he would be released, he would go home and drink an entire handle of rum and somehow in less than 4 months, his body gave up on him completely and he passed away last Sunday. My ex did absolutely everything he could to save his father and his last days with him were brutal and tragic. Since then, my ex has completely cut me off. He will not respond to any of my messages and I am sitting here completely in the dark over what to do about this baby that is growing bigger every single day. I understand how traumatic his father's death has been, and it's only been a little over a week, but the last time he actually did reply to me was to say, "I can't possibly give you any answers right now about anything between us in the future and you can't expect me to" after I had frantically asked him about us and the baby. I know he needs his space but I am carrying his child and he knows everything else that has happened with me and he knows that I am completely alone in this. He is just blatantly ignoring me and I cannot understand how someone who was always as loyal and as kind as him, could leave me in the dark like this and completely abandon me. Every single moment of the day I am hysterical, distraught, overcome with anger, sadness, horror, ridiculous thoughts of him being with someone else, total agony. I do not know what to do and I cannot help myself to not message him because I am so terrified right now and I am so hurt over what he has done to me on top of everything else I was already enduring. My question is whether or not I'm overreacting. Am I expecting too much out of him right now? Do I have the right to be hurt and angry over not hearing from him at all? If I wasn't pregnant I would never expect him to be there for me in any capacity right now, but I am carrying his child and I am just in total disbelief. Should I give him time and space? As an insider, I am more hurt than I ever have been in my life, but I really want to know how it looks to an outsider. Thank you in advance.

@kris4956 The fact that you, as the tough cookie in the family, is having such a breakdown over her loss just proves the love that you had for her and that is so special. She undoubtedly knows how much you cared for her and I know that you gave her the best home she ever could have asked for.. While I am no one to send out any advice at the moment, I do realize that the coping and functioning of daily life as people who lost our beloved best friends completely out of the blue, is much more traumatic than losing a pet at old age or a prolonged illness. As well as you, I have said goodbye to family members, friends, and many pets in my 30 years of life, and never in my life have I felt this type of loss, guilt, sadness, pain, emptiness, and longing. I am glad that you and your wife loved Sadie so much and that you both are able to cry together and support each other through this. That is so important. I have seen many stories over the last week where people in marriages and relationships feel hurt and ashamed and alone because their partners (and even family) do not have the same compassion that we do and do not understand why this loss is such a profound one. They tell them to get over it or get a new pet or say that it was just an animal. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be to have to hide your feelings of anguish. I hope you both are able to heal together. It is what brought the three of you together in the first place. And if this is any consolation.. I am still on a leave of absence from work because of how traumatized and devastated I am, so I promise that you two are not alone.

@MartyT Thank you for sharing those two links. I've learned in the last couple of days from strangers on forums that I am suffering from acute trauma and PTSD.. which I never knew even existed after a pet's death. I have laid in the same spot for the last week.. I have been able to occupy my time with YouTube for now, but the very moment I put my phone down, I realize my loss and I realize that life will never again be the same without him. I don't know how to go about seeking help when I know that nothing I do will bring him back.....

@kris4956, I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my best friend, Greenbean, on Sunday in a tragic sudden accident that fully could have been prevented and I absolutely cannot live with myself. He was there one minute, I turned my back, and the next his innocent, beautiful, precious life was taken from him.. all because of my stupid oversight and negligence. He was so young. I truly cannot live with myself and I don't even know how to be on this earth when he's not here. He is all I want and I can't have him. He died a horrific and brutal death all alone.. terrified and scared.. crying out for me.. me.. his protector.. the only one he trusted and loved and I couldn't save him. We spent every second of the day together and I can't grapple with him not being beside me. I know there are no words to make anything better but reading other stories has made me not feel so alone. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent her death and you did not miss anything and you did absolutely everything in your power to help her. You took her to the vet as soon as time allowed and there is nothing more you could have done to save her. She not only died in your wife's arms, she died surrounded by love of the two people who gave her the most special life she ever could have had. She knows you loved her and did everything you could for her. One of my dear friends told me last night that his cousin is in really bad shape with congestive heart failure and there is nothing they can do for him. This same friend also very suddenly lost a very close friend to congestive heart failure last month. These two people are humans who have the ability to say what is wrong and who can do everything in their power to stay alive and even they couldn't be saved. I promise you that you did everything you could and Sadie knows that and she loves you.