annisha68

Hey there. An update. Another failed relationship due to the death of a parent. Lsst night i finally did what you have all been telling me to do. I told her we cant talk anymore. She didnt put up a fight or try to change my mind this time. I did this because being friends with her and the breadcrumbs were both slowly destroying me. I collapsed at home by myself after telling her through fb messenger. The pain of making that final break was too much. I was crying so much that i fell to the ground. The pain was unbearable. But i just couldnt do it anymore. The pain of her and also watching my Fathers mind slowly drift away from me is all too much to take. Its morning now and for the first time in 6 years there is no good morning from her. Omg it hurts so badly. Im not sure how im going to do this without caving in. Im missing her so much and i feel like i have lost so much. I teally hope this pain doesnt last too long.

Hey there. I just came in to give you an update of my situation and also to say thank you for your honest replies. They were very hard to hear at the time but i do appreciate the honesty.😀 Anyway here we go. My ex and i are still friends. I know, i know. Im silly. The last few weeks have been like an emotional rollercoaster. I am experiencing anticipatory grief in relation to my Father. I am currently looking for nursing homes for him and its been emotionally draining. I havent family to help me so its been a very isolating experience. Over the time i have had many mini breakdowns and i am sure there are more to come. However i keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time. Onto my ex. Well currently neither of us are looking for anyone new. We are staying open to each other and see what happens. We are also cuddle buddies and hold hands occassionally. She does still need alone time to experience her own grief and to stand on her own 2 feet. In the meantime i am starting to go out and try to meet new people. Off to see a few bands tonight and then tomorrow night may be going to a party on a boat. Slowly but surely i feel like there is some detachment going on within me towards her though. I think its my heart probably protecting itself. She has asked me over to her place a few times and i have said no. When she first broke it off with me and would ask me over i would scurry over to hers like an eager beaver. Im not so much like that now.

I wish i could say yes. My partnet and i had been together 6 years. Her mom died last May. We grew closer together because she depended on my emotional and practical support. However in October my Dad became very sick and i started to heap all my anxiety onto her about him. She ended it with me Dec 12th because she couldnt handle all my grief on top of her own. We have stayed friends and she has told me she is keeping her heart open to me and only me but she needs to put herself first. Currently i am now looking for nursing homes for my Father and she came to a couple with me last week. However i am finding it very difficult to be just friends and can feel myself slowly detaching. She always asks me to stay at her place and initially i would. However it was like mental torture having to sleep in spare bedroom. She asked me to stay tonight but i said no. Anywag i do hope to have a success story for you all but in my heart of hearts i dont there will be one. The fact that i cant handle being just friends with her whilst she figures herself out is too hard. I would love to hear if therr are any success stories too!!

I really relate to you right now. Im still feeling a deep pain from the loss of my partner. I was with my partner for 6 years and her mom died 7 months ago. She ended it with me bc she cant handle a relationship right now. She wants to find herself and cant deal with a relationship or the emotional commitment. She is struggling with her grief and she said it is getting worse. Just like you i ask the same thing? I wonder why should i be punished because her Mother died. I feel really angry sometimes and think how unfair it is. We have stayed friends because she told me that she will keep her heart open to us and wont be with anyone else. However today i feel myself slowly detaching from her for my own protection. Who knows how long im going to have to wait? It is so tough. It really is. Especially when the relationship has been in a good place and then out of the blue they cant do it anymore. She ended it with me Dec 12th and we have been seeing each other alot since then and talk everyday. Im stupid and ridiculous. I have been putting myself through emotional torment for something that may never be again. I cant hate her or dislike her because she is grieving. However im grieving too. Im losing my Dad through all this too. She ended it with me because my Dads illness is triggering for her and the grief she is experiencing. None of its fair. I hear you and i know how hard it is. The pain is so raw and deep. Its not us, its them but it still bloody hurts. All we can do is slowly let them go and try to detach ourselves. If we dont then life will be messy for a long time.

Hey there. Im in the same situation. My partner of 6 years Mother died in May of last year and we bonded closer as she relied on me for emotional and practical support. Sadly 3 months later my Dad got very ill and looks like he wont be coming home this time. I made the mistake of relying too heavily on my partner when she was raw with grief still. Dec 12th she ended it with me saying she had nothing to give me in a relationship because all she had room for is her grief. It hurt like hell and still does. Im mourning my Dad and her and i sometimes want to just die. Give your guy some space and maybe he will come back. If you push and persist he will never come back and there will only be bitter feelings bw you both.

Well i spent nye at hers. We both cried alot but i do truly realise its over now. Its a bitter pill to swallow. I realise i cant stay her friend now. It just hurts us both too much. We realised this last night. Im still at her place today. She was crying over her Mother and it was sad that i couldnt hold her but its not my place to do it anymore. I have to start holding myself now. I think we will both have to go NC. Its going to be so damm hard. In a couple of weeks time we will have to meet up bc we hot tix ages ago to see Florence and the Machine. That will be tough. Florences latest album came out around the same time her Mom died. Many of the songs will trigger many feelings for her and myself. It will take us both back to that time

I know that you are all right in what you say. I did depend on her too much. Thats why i said to her the other day that its not your responsibilty to help out with my Dad anymore. She is an oncology nurse so she has this innate need to take care of others first before herself. Thats why i think she is finally saying she needs to look after herself first. I cant blame her really. When her Mom died she had to take care of all the families needs ie her sister with the breast cancer. Not long after her mother died she had to go back to work and watch grieving families and console a woman who lost her Mother. She is also the kind of person that does go inwards when she is experiencing emotional pain. Its understandable she is finally doing that. Yesterday she took the day off work and laid in bed all day. The night before she had been vomiting and nearly passed out. Her emotional pain always presents itself physically. The pain has to come out somehow, right? She is the one that doesnt want NC. She wants me in her life because we mean so much to each other. I have a strange feeling that she is slowly shutting down though. She did send a very sad song to me yesterday grr. It was about exes becoming strangers to each other. Im still very conflicted. I very much want to be there for her but im weakening inside. Im sick of crying all the time and im sick of having hope. My gut tells me she aint ever coming back to us. Nye tomorrow and still not sure what i will do. Jan 4th coming up soon and that would have been our 6 year anniversary

Oh gosh i want to ask her right now if she is missing me like im missing her. I know i cant but i wish i knew if she did. Its driving me insane not knowing. Cries. I know she is having a bad day so i cant do that to her right now.

I have read all the posts in this sub forum and i have noticed that most peoples SO's cut them out of their lives completely which would be so hard to deal with. I am lucky/unlucky that she wants me in her life still. Not only were we partners but we were best friends. We shared our lives together and that is why its so hard to let go and move forward. Especially since she has now said she is keeping herself open to a relationship with me in the future. However i know that you are right. I should go NC to preserve the good feelings for her and to help myself heal. I cant help feeling that partly its my fault too. I laid so much emotion on her when Dad was starting to become ill. It was too much for her in her time of grieving. Not only had her mom died but she was also supporting her sister with breast cancer and looking after her Dad since the Mother died. Then my Dad gets ill and i start to demanding more of her time and emotional/practical support. She has always been a huge support to everyone she knows. She is that kind of person. She still wants to support me through this trying time with my Dad. I actually said to her yesterday that she doesnt have to support me now with my Dad. That its not her responsibily anymore and that she needs to start focusing on herself for once. She didnt reply to that which was unusual. I have been also been listening to cues after what she said to me the other day. I was having another mini breakdown and throwing lots of emotion at her about the end of the rship. She said all this pressure isnt a good thing for us and im not allowing her to grieve. She said its been all about me and my pain and when is she aloud to feel her pain and when is she aloud to start grieving. So now i am doing my best to not do relationship talk and not ask her how she is feeling about us. Its so damm hard though. She said that if i want to show her that i have changed then i need to back off abit. I have hope that eventually she will come back once she has got through the worse part of her grieving and as long as i back off with the intense emotion. I am meant to be going to hers nye and spending a couple of days with her. I know it will be really hard for me not to cry but i have to try my best. I have to show her i can be strong for her. I know im probably crazy but i want to support her through this tough time. For once in my life i have to make it about her and not me. Being able to post here is so important. If i didnt have this i would go insane. Please keep replying because none of my friends get it. Thank you for listening.

I am not very good at self caring. I just feel my whole world is collapsing. I have to visit my Dad today and seeing him the way he is hurts so much. The one person who was able to support me isnt there anymore the way she used to be. What a time to end it!! I havent stopped crying since dec 24th. Well i have had breaks obviously but it feels like i have been crying continuously. I just feel so weak emotionally and physically. I just feel like ending myself but i cant because i have to be there for my Dad. Wtf does it mean that i have to find myself?? She has to find herself since her Mom died?? Its so confysing. We got closer when her mom died and now she doesbt wabt a rship anymore. Just wants to be single. She said she is keeping herself open to us which is a positive. But still how long does this go on for?

I feel like if I back away now though that I could lose her for good. We have been together 6 years and I feel like I should hang in a little longer. She herself has said she still really loves me and wishes that she could fix this feeling because a part of her still wants to be together with me. However, she has also told me she doesn't expect me to wait because she does not know how long this grieving process may take her. I feel if I go away now that we would never have a chance again. Omg this is so confusing *cries*

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. The reason i stayed 2 nights at hers is bc i really dont have family to spend xmas eve or day with. It was either sit at home and be very depressed by myself or spend it with her and be sad and depressed. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I slept in the spare bedroom and it was absolute torture to see her bedroom from the one i was sleeping in. I just wanted to go in a hold her. I missed her terribly. We kind of held each other last night as we watched tv and i felt some peace inside but it was hard. I know she is feeling just as conflicted as i am. She loves me so much still and she wants "us" back but something keeps telling her no. That she needs to evolve as a person and something has changed inside her since her Mother died. Her love for me hasnt changed or been switched off. She just needs time to find herself and stand on her own two feet. She left earlier for work this morning and i got a msg from her saying i can stay another day and when she comes home we can have an outdoor bbq together. Its summer here in Australia. I wrote back that i better go home bc she probably needs a break from my sadness and crying. I know i should go NC but im so scared to because thats really saying goodbye to her and that hurts more then the break up. However i feel like i am dying inside when im with her. The things that she used to do when we were a couple have gone and that hurts. She said she still wants to do them but knows it will only put us back and that its wrong. I feek if i stay around as her friend that eventually all of that will come back. She wants me to go to her place for nye and spend a couple of days there. I probably will go but i guess im asking for more pain. I just cant believe her Mothers death has made her decide to end things. It kills me and i know its killing her. Im so much in pain and feel so broken right now.

I have been reading alot of the posts here and am so surprised this seems to be a common occurrence. My partner and i have been together for 6 years. There have been many ups and downs because she is in the closet. She comes from a tight orthodox greek family. Her being in the closet caused both of us emotional turmoil because she was still living at home. However after 3 years she moved out and we were able to be more free together. Anyway her Mom died in May unexpectedly this year. Her sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer (has been cured now). I was as supportive as i could be practically and emotionally. I went to the funeral even though i had to sit up the back. I wanted to still be there for her of course. The death of her Mother seemed to bring us closer. Fast forward to October of this year. My Dad suddenly went into a deep depression. He had to be admitted into a psych ward. He was starting to get better with proper meds. However he had a fall and broke his hip. Now he has delirium and his memory is getting worse and he may end up in a nursing home. I am broken hearted over this because all my life he has been my only solid foundation. When i met my girlfriend she was also the other constant in my life. Anyway my partner has tried to support me through all this even though she is still feeling the loss of her mother. I have been very emotional about the loss of the Dad i once knew. Over the past 6 weeks my partner has been saying to me she really loves me but is feeling very numb since her Mothers death and feels she cant be the kind of partner i need right now. She feels she can support me better as a friend. When she said this i felt the world had dropped out from undrrneath ne. I said there is no need to break up. I understand that she is grieving and i will be patient. However i could feel her slowly becoming more distant and i began to panic and put the pressure on. I felt like the only 2 solid people in my life were slowly slipping away from me. Dec 12th she finally ended it. She said she loves me and doesnt have the energy for a rship right now and that she wants to find herself. She has always been there for others and now she needs to love herself and be there for herself. She wants to be there for me as a friend and she wants to support me through this rough time with Dad. She told me that she knows by this decision she could lose me forever but she needs to do this for herself. Now that her mom has died she wants to learn to stand on her own two feet. She has told me not to wait for her because she doesnt know how long this will take. She goes back and forwards because she still has a deep love for me so it can be confusing at times. Its christmas day and i am alone at her house. She invited me to join her and her family but i felt uncomfortable. I spent all day with her yesterday but i couldnt stop crying because being at her place brouggt all the beautiful memories back that we shared together. I have never felt so lost and heartbroken as i have in the last couple of months. I cant imagine what she is feeling. Anyway i am not sure what to do. Stay her friend and try to be supportive of her at this time and hope eventually she will return as my partner or to go no contact so i can heal. I am so conflicted and hurting right now. I just cant believe my life and hers have been thrown upside down in the way it has 😣😣😣