Julieg

I try to not worry too much about it. I have researched on more counselors who are more familiar and learned in grief and I think I possibly have found one. I realize that with no support from my family of origin from basically day one it has been even that much harder for me, personally speaking; especially, my Mother. I'm hoping that this counselor can help me work through my anger and sadness and teach me to understand it too so that I can actually feel like I'm in the land of the living again. That being said there will always be a hole in my heart where my Dad was taken away.

MartyT, I did attempt counseling, briefly. I felt the person wasn't a right fit for me and well...I haven't returned since last Summer. I believe you are right though. I haven't had time to take complete care or attention to my grief. Any moments where I am alone or not distracted, thoughts of my Dad return to me. How do I get this across to my immediate family members? I want to say something but maybe they will believe that I should be feeling better? I have read that after a period of time people move on with their own daily lives and forget about those who are still grieving.

Hi Everyone, It has been nearly a year since I've been here. I have been busy with work, my daughter getting married, my oldest son moving back near us and my youngest getting through his 1st year of college. This past September marked a year that my Dad was gone. I have had an extremely difficult past 2 months or so. At first the lure of the holidays sort of distracted me, then as I got closer to them the sadness and depressive feelings just consumed me and anger too;the kind of anger that life is unfair. I see others with their Dad's and their Mom's. I have neither in my life. Some days I am glad I'm not where I was over a year ago and some days I feel that life sucks, really sucks and that it seems it will never not suck, again. I fight with the feelings of maybe I'm not appreciating enough, I don't know. Learning to "fully" live with the sadness is so, so very hard.

I can definitively agree with you about this taking a long time. Every day I wonder how do I go about my regular life and cope with my Dad not in it? Every Friday we spoke on the phone. I find that I'm sort of existing in a limbo of the present and, the day I found out. I'm having difficulty of disposing of our Christmas tree this year. I think I'm afraid to admit that we have moved into a new year because that means time has moved on but I'm still back in September. I will definitely take your advice on the counseling; thank you.

Thank you MartyT and Kayc.. I have had so many conflicting emotions about how to carry on and even attempt to integrate this into my life. I do feel that he was the last connection to my family of origin.I didn't have as much history with my Father. I have little to hold onto, with the exception of our talks we shared over these past few years and some memories of Summer visits growing up. I feel angry because he was ripped from my life. i had no time to say goodbye, nothing. I have just begun to realize that he is not coming back, ever. I don't know if I was in denial and didn't realize it or, simply just distracted. I have decided to meet with a counselor so I can talk and adapt some coping skills. I don't want to continually go forward and remember my Dad with so much pain but, right now that's all I have been feeling.

Hi I'm new here. I recently lost my Father at the end of this past September. It was very sudden. He lives out of state and would call me every week. I knew that one fateful day that something bad happened when I didn't get the call. I frantically contacted my family after attempting to reach him. They discovered my Dad laying passed on the floor after having authorities break down the door to his home. I have been a huge mess of emotions since then. I have already endured having to break the relationship with my Mother because she wasn't treating me very nicely, my brother had just cut off a relationship with me and won't tell me why, 2 of my Uncle's passed right before my Dad so I have already been going through a huge emotional upheaval. My life has changed so much since Dad has passed. I miss him so terribly our talks greatly. We recently got closer over the past 5 to 6 years as I have gotten older (late 40s) and I felt good about this because when I was younger we didn't talk as much. So short history;I have been married for 27 years with 3 grown kids. Lately my husband seems to be getting frustrated with me because he wants to know when things will be "normal" again, as if he wants some final answer now! I have tried to explain to him many times about what I'm going through in explicit detail.I'm trying my best to be proactive and I feel so much pressure. Sometimes I think I want to leave him so I can catch a break! I don't know how else to tell him....I want to run away! I just want to be able to have some peace!!! Thank you for taking the time to read this.