Quixx

It’s just frustrating to me that so many people said I was a gift to him when his father died because I’d be able to help him through his grief blah blah blah and for a while I believed that God took his dad because he knew he would be in a good place to handle it. But now that feeling is gone. I just don’t understand why God would take someone from us when those around aren’t able to handle it. I’m not angry about the breakup anymore, but I am angry at the loss of a great man. I guess now i’m grieving over the actual deaths i’ve had to endure the past year.

Why did someone have to die for this to happen? I’m religious. I believe that God has a plan. But why did his father have to die for us to come to this point?

I feel embarrassed. I’m embarrassed of my failed relationship that didn’t end because of me. It’s embarrassing to face my friends and know that they see me hurting and going through this. It’s embarrassing to explain to people that me and him aren’t together anymore. A large part of me wants to delete social media and transfer schools. This is just embarrassing to put so much time and effort into something that ended so abruptly. I just hate it.

Today is what would’ve been our 1 year and something months anniversary. It sucks. It feels like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do and have no control over. His mom reached out and told me she’s thinking of me. Which honestly hurt and frustrated me even more. I just wish I knew what the end was going to be. I’m okay with any ending I’m just ready for it to be here. This is like a filler episode before a season finale. How do I speed up time and my healing?

He reached out. I don’t even know how to explain how it went. He facetimed. We talked for over an hour about nothing in particular. It was weird. And I don’t feel bad but I don’t feel good either. I’m not sure how to explain it.

Hi. So we ended up having a conversation two days ago. The initial part of the conversation was just something we needed to tell each other, not regarding anything involving a relationship so I won’t talk about that part. What he said at the end of our conversation has been bothering me though. He said “I need time to think and get myself together.” About what? You made up your mind and broke up with me. What more do you need to say on Friday and what do you need a couple days to think about? Honestly this is emotional torment. I’m to the the point where I don’t want him to reach out because our last conversation was good and I feel like him trying to be fake nice and do the whole “hopefully we can be friends” “this hurts me too” and whatnot would just make me hate him. I’m frustrated that this was his decision and while he did cry and people are saying he’s heartbroken over hurting me, that feels unfair. It wasn’t my decision and it almost feels like he’s mocking my hurt by him being upset as well. You chose this, you shouldn’t get to hurt over hurting me. I’m not sure how to cope with these feelings. I have a therapy appointment on friday. I’m just ready for the situation to be over. For whatever happens to happen. Time feels like my worst enemy right now.

It makes me feel better to know that none of my circumstances are uncommon. I really am taking all of your advice to heart. I’m leaving today to go back to college, and starting tomorrow i’m working 8-4 everyday so I’m excited to be busy and not have time to think about anything. Right now, I am reminding myself to have no expectations of anything. But to focus on myself and not stopping my life. I am planning on going to the therapist on campus and to do yoga/fitness classes and work as much as possible and try my hardest in all of my classes (15 credit hours woo!) Whatever he decides to do is on him and I shouldn’t worry myself with his decisions. If he wants to come back into my life I will evaluate it then and not let him back in immediately. While I still love and respect him, this feels like a betrayal of my trust, and if he wants to come back he’ll have to earn that trust. If he doesn’t want to come back, then I have to be okay with that. As painful as these past few days have been, finding this page has definitely been a comfort. Thank you guys!

A small, confused update. In any of your situations, did the other SO continue to keep up with your social media? I find it weird that since he needs space, he would allow himself to still see my posts on my accounts. I’m not taking it as a sign or using it to drive a hope, I just think it’s strange and was curious if anyone else had experienced a similar action

I decided today not to unfollow any of his accounts but to “mute” them so I won’t see any of his posts or stories. It seems less permanent but still a way to distance myself and let me let go. His mother reached out to me and told me he is hurting a lot but that if I ever need anything she loves me and would love to talk to me in the future. One of his friends also reached out to offer tips as she has gone through a break up recently as well. Considering it’s only been one full day, my emotions are a roller coaster but my family is being so supportive and trying to distract me. My mom even offered to move back to college with me for a week (i’m going back to college a week early to work so none of my friends will be there yet). While I’m realizing I do need to let go of any expectations, I also keep reminding myself to be open-minded to whatever happens. This is going to be a process and I’m so grateful I found this page of people who do truly get what I’m going through.

Thank you so much for your response. I’m not sure why but reading the stories of strangers has been a bigger comfort to me than anything. I definitely don’t plan on putting my life on hold. Thankfully we go to different colleges, so focusing on myself and my own friends will be a little easier. This is a sucky experience, but it will give both of us time to grow. As for a timeline, I feel like I won’t be able to determine one until I see if 1) He reaches out at all and 2) How he talks to me. But I’m not really gonna hold out hope past 6 months or so, which would be the timeline of this upcoming semester. One thing I’ve learned from all of these stories is to give them space. And I am going to do that. As painful as it is, I’m learning that through this I need to let him make the shots of how he chooses to proceed and not pressure him. I plan on continuing to pray for him. We’ll see how the grief changes him, who knows, he may even turn into a person I don’t want to date anymore. Again, thank you for your response!!!

I met my boyfriend in June of 2017, and we began dating in Sept. of the same year. Our relationship was predominantly long distance as we go to separate colleges, but we’ve always made it work and have been happy, supportive, and communicative with each other. His father, who he was extremely close to & who was also our youth pastor, had a lifelong terminal heart condition. Sadly, in November of 2018, the father succumbed to the condition and passed away. I was immediately there for my boyfriend, as I knew he was going to need support as he had been there for me when I lost both of my maternal grandparents in 2018 as well. Things had become tense since his father passed. His patience for questions that required more than a yes or no and his tolerance for anything deeper than superficial topics has shortened immensely, and I assumed this was due to grief and I tried to give him as much space as I knew how without neglecting my needs as a girlfriend (which looking back on may have been too pushy for what he could handle). Last night, he dropped a bomb on me that he felt I wasn’t the one and breaking up with me was the right thing. Today, we talked in person and he kept repeating that I wasn’t the right person for him and that we both needed space to grow, but that he was adamant he wanted to remain friends after having some time to grieve. He wants space for a week before he feels comfortable reaching out again and promised me he would. There are some strange parts to our breakup that I wanted to mention. He claims he’s felt this way since his father was hospitalized, yet for my Nov. bday he bought us concert tickets for a concert in June. He only asked for one specific hoodie back and gave me a pair of gaming headphones that I wouldn’t be able to use without access to his gaming equipment. He also doesn’t plan to unfollow me on any social media’s and hopes I won’t either. He claims this is the end of our romantic relationship permantly but I’m getting mixed signals. I respect that he needs to grieve and needs space and I’m willing to give him all that he needs. But should I hold onto any hope we may rekindle a relationship after his grieving process is over? And that maybe he’s confused on what he’s feeling right now? What should I expect in terms of communication in the next couple of months? * I am his first girlfriend and this is his first major loss.