Gingerlove

I know how you feel....... We probably say to ourselves, by the small actions of that day if we just didn't take them, our beloved pet would still be fine. Me too I questioned and my eyes said anger, ... But there was a tiny hope that things should turn out fine even if I go out being tired, even if you went along to the less known vet. We simply believed in our beloved pet's luck. How do something relatively beneficial to them turn out to be fatal? I know I could leave my cat home even if we guess from his meowing that he's bored. It was not food or new catnip toys he wanted. You knew if you left your dog home without any check-up you can still wait for another time to do it. The alternatives are so obvious now. They are Now. I'm sorry. I think it feels terrible especially when all the other times you have been thoughtful and careful. You're maybe thinking just this time... Please try relaxing exercises, remebering how much you love your beloved pet, how precious that is. Hang on. Another human being did something terrible to your beloved pet, however for long you have had beautiful and real loving relationship with this loving pet. Hang on to this, this love is true, that's why it hurts so the sudden loss. Your beloved dog knows your love, and has had a special and loving life. I tell myself that with my Ginger. I sometimes talk to him in my heart. ❤️

I'm so sorry. I know that feeling about my cat. It's tough not to get immobilized by that wishful thinking. I hope you can forgive your husband... Me too I asked myself why did I listen to him when I was tired and I could just listen to myself and not take my cat out...... You know that no cruel intention was there. None. Let's try to be gentle to ourselves. It's tough...like you say there isn't.a machine to take us back to revert that one small decision. The biggest evil is the vet (and the staff) not contacting us. However they, too, didn't do what they did out of evil intention, but out of ignorance, foolishness, nervousness, inexperience...

Exactly these feelings. Prayers sending your way. Breathe in, think of the love, out, of the doubts: "why didn't I keep you home that day?" I still ask that after almost a year. Slowly the intensity lessens as I truly see the difficulty of an exact reason. Take care caring Parker's Mom.

I know this feeling...it's probably us our own voice saying that... Me too I wish I could make that seemingly easy decision when I reacted to a proposition for taking my cat for a walk. I'm still sometimes thinking what if I went to look for him just more times. I couldn't. I was regaining my strength after goving birth. But I had others looking for him in the second month. We may not ever have answers... We can only remember how deeply we love our pets. The only reason why you're feeling this tormented. Sending compassionate thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear that you need to go through judgement from a friend in a time like you said, already difficult and fragile. May I send over a kind of cheer up... I know nothing fills that void in our heart... I found focusing on telling yourself how much you love this pet helps. Time and time again. Because you know how true it is. That should be all that matters. Please don't let your friend make you feel worse. I know so well that feeling too especially the early times when Ginger just ran off into the bushes... I felt like the least responsible pet parent. My friend who commented cared about Ginger but she does not have any pets as she says she doesn't have the patience to look after a pet... I hated myself for listening to someone else than myself and took Ginger for that walk... No matter how I learn about natural hunter inatincts of cats, every time I start to feel better and thinking perhaps he had a chance to listen to the birds, catch them, a chance in his loving cat life to be a free cat, after a while I hate myself again... My cat should still be here. A friend who comments a little more harshly at the fragile time is too much to listen to. Maybe try to invite yourself to listen to your voice. You spent loving time with a beloved pet and only you can know what to do. And if you're not sure, you're not sure. Let it be. I learnt that from seeing the counscellor.

We're so familiar with all the things you're feeling I believe... Hang on 💌 Breathe...focus on your feeling of love.

I read about your feelings, I don't know what to say except I too feel similar... I think many of us here recognize themselves in what you described... Please take care, bit by bit everyday. After almost a year and out of coincidence, my friend told me a 5 year old cat is about to be homeless as her owner is relocating abroad. I ended up taking Sasha home. She is very inactive...so different from my Ginger. Sasha has only lived in a small apartment and never saw outside. Maybe that makes me feel less terrible about sometimes taking my Ginger out in the park on a leash. Love is not rational. How did we think we could be stronger or faster than a feline running in the outdoors? I miss Ginger and it is beyond words. Slowly hoping that the pain is dissolving into love. Then I see it, love that was there every day busy or not, tired or not, every night when Ginger's cat instincts are healthy and would wake me up and I would go and chat with him. I never had a dull moment in any of those "chores".

And what is the most rational? Who would really know for absolute sure? You did not do wrong And most importantly you did not want anything else than care for your pet. You didn't harm your pet.

Really sorry for your loss. It is so clear that you care for your dear dog. Please remember to care for yourself. Nothing that we think now can make us go back and say "Don't go there"..... I've been trying for almost a year. I know how much you want to get to that point before we "lose control" over to others... The pain is that we could not have our say at the crucial moment. Remember we love our dear pet. We really do, and love sometimes don't make us make rational choice every time. Instead, we worry about our furry friends' dental health, we worry that they get frustrated or bored, that they have no way to use their joints...

Kayc thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with us, and so blessed they are your many loved pets for you remember them, and honor them by sharing with us even with their endings. If I live in an igloo and am a monk who never or is so little changed by my surrounding maybe my dear cat would have continued to live. But then maybe my dear cat would be bored... I wish all of us here animal lovers much peace and strength.

So true. Those feelings are so real and also can seem hopeless, frustrated... Sometimes escape looks easier... It is not. It probably will just come back and to live the blame and regret all over again.

Oh, so, this friend has been avoiding me now sort of...for several months. She listened at first and then just didn't want to hear about it anymore. Saying to me how wonderful I should feel being with my newborn. Only counscellors specialized in the animal-human relationship, told me how when someone says that it also can make me feel guilty as I lost my cat a little after I gave birth. I said: How do you know?? Yes exactly it makes me feel even more guilty. Today I start to see all the love I have for my cat. Behind the heavy guilt is a lot of love that I still want to keep giving to Ginger...

Thank you so much kayc, it really takes time and effort to make the emptiness feel less empty. There is a very "pure" quality of love and friendship between us humans and animals. K.D. Don't worry many of us are also being "ignored" as a result of having sad thoughts and still feeling fruatrated from losing our pet. I have a very close friend who had a cat, she too lost her cat early this year. But the difference with my cat is that she knew it was getting to that point two years ago. She had been prepared. Her cat lived to 10 years old. My cat was between 6 / 7. I know we cannot compare and grief is the same grief. But not being prepared makes my cat's passing feel unreal. It still does sometimes. For your pet's bowls and other belongings, may I suggest if some items cause you too much pain, give them away to another pet owner...... Just an idea. Some manage to keep them. Very brave. Really. Peace to everyone here who love our animals so purely.

Me too I feel like being pushed to "get over" what happened... While all my closed ones understand how important my Ginger is to me, I feel stuck in a the regret, and the guilt is still heavy - though not like the first months. I started to get creative, like Marty's article said. Don't know if this is a nice idea: I tried going to the zoo...observing the bigger cats...... I imagine some of the time when Ginger was lost in the small "forest" he was in, some days may have brought him something very new to wake up hearing insects, birds...instead of my calling him or the air conditionning or washing machine... I remind myself there was never an intention to cause him getting lost. I'm also trying to volunteer to wash and look after some cats in a rescue center. Not succeeded yet as I think too much and I recall my nice memories with Ginger. I think we have to keep the healing process going. Step by step. The worst would be to pressurize ourselves.