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Tracy crank

Contributor
  • Content Count

    11
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Tracy crank

  • Rank
    Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Ca
  • Date of Death
    22 1 2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Doncaster england

Recent Profile Visitors

53 profile views
  1. I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my baby at five and a half years old, he was everything to me and I can’t bear this pain, I’m just trying to get by from day to day and I know how much you’re hurting, I know that you feel that you are alone but you’re not, if you feel that You can’t talk to anyone close please try to get comfort from this wonderful group, it is helping me so much and I know that when the hurt gets too much I can come here and get advice from people who care and understand our pain, please don’t be alone, God bless you and your baby
  2. Dear MikeP, I understand your pain, grief and guilt, my baby was five and a half years old, he still is my life and I am struggling every day, he was epileptic and went four or five days and then he had three fits, this was a pattern and went on for three and a half years, he started fitting when he was two. On January the 23rd he had twelve fits in a few hours, it was heartbreaking, he was on such a lot of medication, even his emergency meds didn’t work, I knew it was time to let him go but I can’t stop blaming myself, did I give up on him, did I let him down, did I betray him when he needed me most, the pain is overwhelming, I try to remember the good times but all I feel is crushing guilt, I dreamed he came back to me and he was healed and well again, I really believe that he was sending me a message, I’m okay mum,I’m well again, I trawled the internet looking for peace and hope and now I truly believe that we will be together again in the afterlife,don’t get me wrong, it still hurts and I still break down but I’m hanging on to the certainty that I’ll be with him again and we will never be parted,we’ll be together for eternity, please believe that you are not alone in your pain,and you will be together again someday, God bless you.
  3. Thank you so much for your insight and understanding, I really thought no one could understand the guilt and devastation that I feel, I am so happy to think that someone believes that we will someday be reunited with our babies, I am lifted because I am not alone, I thank you for this, I am so grateful for your inspiration and care, thank you so much.
  4. Thank you so much KD, you have made me feel so comforted, I’ve been in torment, Icant stop blaming myself, I would have given everything I have just to kiss his sweet naughty face and tell him how much I love him and I am haunted by the fear that I may never see my baby again, I hope that I will see him again when I finally pass and cling to the hope that we will be together for eternity, I don’t want to go to heaven if he’s not there and in a strange way I’m not frightened of death anymore, he taught me how to love and I miss him so much.
  5. Thank you so much for your support and understanding, I just can’t stop thinking about him and that maybe I should have tried more medication, his seizures just got worse,he used to come round quickly but this time was different, he was so confused and bumping into everything and just kept falling and going into another seizure, I just couldn’t keep dosing him up with more and more, he was on three different meds twice a day and even his emergency meds didn’t stop the fits but I cannot shake the feeling that I let him down when he needed me most, he was my life and taught me how to love unconditionally, I miss him so much.
  6. I had to have my best friend put to sleep on the 23rd of January, he was only five years old,he was epileptic and had seizures every seven days or so even though he was on strong medication, on that night he had twelve or more fits with only minutes in between, I just wanted him to stop hurting, even so I feel that I betrayed him when he needed me most, that I wasn’t there for him and I let him down, I read that pets can live a long life with epilepsy so maybe I could have done more for my baby, I go over and over that night in my head, I miss him so and I can’t stop crying and torturing myself, I just keep seeing his beautiful brown trusting eyes, I just want to be with him and I am frightened that I will never see his sweet face again and that he is alone and frightened and doesn’t understand, I just want to end my life, I can’t live with the thought that I let him down,I cling to the thought that we’ll be together one day , there is nothing left for me anymore, I can’t live with this grief and guilt please help me.
  7. Thank you so much kayC, I just wish I could have gone with my baby, I’m terrified that he won’t be waiting for me when I pass, I take comfort in the stories of people who have been visited by their own babies.
  8. I’m truly sorry you lost your little girl, don’t feel bad about your girlfriend, I’ve lost my sweetheart, a little dog who means the world to me, I understand how you feel and I’ll tell you right now, my baby means just as much as my husband and my family and not just because im hurting,it’s because it’s the truth.
  9. Thankyou so much, now I know someone cares and understands this devastation and hurt, I’m so thankful someone is there.
  10. Sorry, I meant 22 of January, bad day today.
  11. I lost my sweet dog Dave he was only five and he was my best friend and I miss him so much, he was diagnosed with epilepsy at twe years old and he was only five, he had fits every four days despite medication and on the 22 of February he had twelve in about two hours, he came round but for only seconds, he was bumping into everything and was very confused, I knew then that he couldn’t take anymore and we had to euthanise him but I can’t stand the guilt, I feel that I let him down and betrayed him, he was my baby, I wanted to die with him. Please help me
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