Dear MikeP, I understand your pain, grief and guilt, my baby was five and a half years old, he still is my life and I am struggling every day, he was epileptic and went four or five days and then he had three fits, this was a pattern and went on for three and a half years, he started fitting when he was two. On January the 23rd he had twelve fits in a few hours, it was heartbreaking, he was on such a lot of medication, even his emergency meds didn’t work, I knew it was time to let him go but I can’t stop blaming myself, did I give up on him, did I let him down, did I betray him when he needed me most, the pain is overwhelming, I try to remember the good times but all I feel is crushing guilt, I dreamed he came back to me and he was healed and well again, I really believe that he was sending me a message, I’m okay mum,I’m well again, I trawled the internet looking for peace and hope and now I truly believe that we will be together again in the afterlife,don’t get me wrong, it still hurts and I still break down but I’m hanging on to the certainty that I’ll be with him again and we will never be parted,we’ll be together for eternity, please believe that you are not alone in your pain,and you will be together again someday, God bless you.