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Buster's Mom

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About Buster's Mom

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Cat Mom
  • Date of Death
    03/15/2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Dr. Susan Chew

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakland, CA

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  1. @kayc thank you for sharing that, I"m so sorry you had to go through that with King George. I know vets and doctors are just people, and they are fallible just like the rest of us, but it's difficult to go through nevertheless. I wish we could spare our pets all pain or suffering.
  2. Thanks to you both. April, I'm so sorry to hear about Quazar. I loved my black lab growing up, and Quazar sounds like just the sweetest pup ever. His passing also seems so sudden, that's so difficult to bear. I really feel with you about your new puppy, but it truly seems like you did the right thing in adopting her and have such a beautiful way of talking about it. It was so truly comforting to read that you are going through something that is so similar. I think we both will be grieving and learning to care and love a new little personality all the while. It is really hard, but even just writing it out helps a little. I do think that having Zuzu is helping just, as you said KayC, in having a "family" to love when I get home from work. It's great to see her growing more comfortable every day. But, no there is no replacement for Buster. His personality was so unique, he changed from a feral cat to a lap cat over his lifetime, and he was my constant companion from the time I got up to the time I went to sleep. He just was my heart and soul. And it is soon, only a few months, after losing him. Honestly a new kitty in my home has heightened my sense of loss a little, but it has also helped to care for a cat who now no longer has to live in a shelter. Thank you both for responding. I think it's hard and it is just going to be day to day.
  3. Oh, this is so difficult, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just reaching out to say that this is not your fault. I think when we lose someone precious to us it's easy to get caught up in trying to rewrite and blame ourselves. The truth is you aren't to blame, like KayC said, we don't have superpowers (although I wish we did). Try to remember the good life you gave your baby, the happiest of lives. I felt guilty after not discovering my cat's cancer soon enough and recall feeling "suffocated in my own body" as well, it's so hard. I can't say that the grief I have has gone away, but some things that soothe it are giving myself some time to sit and remember my cat, tell him that I miss and love him, look at pictures of him. I usually light a candle when I do this, and allow myself to just cry, yell into a pillow, whatever I feel. I write about things in a journal, I talk to nonjudgemental friends, I write things here where people understand these feelings. I am so sorry that you are going through this, you're obviously a loving person who loved your dog so, so much. Just know that other people are feeling with you and you are not alone.
  4. My beloved Buster, who lived with me across multiple states and eras of my life, died 2 months ago this week. He had cancer, it was sudden, it was awful. I miss him every day and I'm still grieving over his loss. About two weeks ago I went to the shelter and ended up coming home with another cat. Zuzu is a sweet, timid but sassy 2 year old tortie and I already care for her as she is starting to open up to us as she settles in to her new home. When I went to the shelter I didn't feel "ready" to adopt another pet, but as I told my partner I figured I'd be grieving the loss of Buster for a long time to come. Getting another pet was not a replacement, but I wanted to help another animal in need and I honestly did not physically feel like I could leave the shelter without her. Still, it's been tricky. As lovely as it is to have Zuzu and to get to know her, well, it has sort of exacerbated the grief I feel over Buster. My heart still wants my sweet best friend back. There will never be another cat like him, he truly was my "heart cat." At the same time I have affection for this new sweet cat, I have guilt that I know is not "logical" over getting another cat "so soon" after B's passing. And as much as I know in my head I did not get her to "replace" Buster, as there is no replacement in my heart for him, there are times that I wish she would do things that Buster did, like purr me to sleep while sitting on my chest. That also makes me feel guilty that I think that, because it's not her fault she isn't my Buster cat and I know logically that we will develop our own unique kitty-person relationship. We already are. To make matters more difficult, she has a deep cough that is very likely just an upper respiratory infection she caught at the shelter and is under treatment for it, but it reminds me of Buster's cough right before we found out he had cancer. I'm deeply worried about her health, and just hearing the cough is triggering and takes me right back to those awful days. I know I'm being intense about it and spending way too much time on PetMD worrying she has some kind of awful disease and worried that we'll have to go through this again, so soon. I don't know if my heart could take it. It's likely just a cold, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure if anyone has adopted a new pet after losing their dear pet, or has ever felt like this before. It feels complicated and illogical, but there you have it. Any advice or just knowing someone out there understands might help. Thank you for reading.
  5. Reading your story gave me flashbacks to my own. My cat had lung cancer and passed away a few months back. I had been taking him to the vets regularly for hyperthyroid and had told the vets about his coughing and vomiting and they thought it was hairball related. I had to bring him to the ER one night and they told me the news and I was flattened and devastated. He was with me for a few more weeks. I am so sorry you had to go through this, it's truly one of the hardest things. As a caretaker for our pets we want to do what's best for them, and faced with news like this it is just so hard. Sending you love and light, hoping that the sweet memories of your Fancy will bring you some solace.
  6. I'm so sorry to hear about your Baxter. I understand that feeling. I had my Buster for 16 years. He's been gone two months and there is not a day that goes by without missing him. I agree with having a ritual and a place where you can keep your memories of him. I do understand the feeling of it being too much to have pictures everywhere. I have kept mine in one place for just that reason. I try to set aside a little time every day to sit and think about him and how much I love him. I am sending you lots of love and strength. It's hard to lose a companion that you love so much.
  7. Oh, I love both of them, they look so sweet! I'm so happy you are doing such wonderful, life-saving work. I hope it helps you feel at peace. On Saturday, my partner and I adopted a sweet tortishell kitty that had been overlooked at the shelter. We are still letting her tell us her name, and she is very shy but sweet. She was passed over because she likes to give love bites and is a little overstimulated when she's pet, but she is a sweet girl. I have to say that I cried on the way home from the shelter thinking about Buster. I was not clearly "ready" to adopt another cat, but it's been lovely to have her at home and to start to slowly, patiently get to know her. At some point I realized that my heart was not going to just mend, and that whether or not I adopted a cat that I would be mourning Buster for a long time. There is simply no replacement for him. I don't feel guilt, perse, but it is emotional and I'm crying more frequently each day, and thinking all the time about Buster. Particularly because he had a similar, overstimulated personality when he was young and we had to learn to communicate with one another. But it is healing too, knowing that little girl to be named soon doesn't have to stay in the shelter any more and to watch her grow more confident each day. Anyways, what you are doing is wonderful, and I think it's good to know that this is a process, and lots of people go through it. Thanks for listening, and I can't wait to see pictures of those sweet cats as they heal and grow ever happier.
  8. KayC, Thank you so much for sharing that, I so appreciate your openness and willingness to share. I think it is important to remember that there are good days and hard days. I don't call them "bad" days so much, because they are hard but they are necessary, it's necessary to feel what we feel in order to cope with it. It can be so hard though. Biscuit's dad, one thing that's helped a little is making a bit of a ritual around Buster's urn. I put it next to a picture of him with a candle. Sometimes I light the candle and just lay my hands on the urn and give myself permission to feel whatever I am feeling. I've found that by making time to do this, it releases a bit of the grief and allows me some time to honor my own feelings and accept little by little the change that has happened. I don't do it every day. I still miss him everyday though. I've also signed up to volunteer for a local cat rescue and am working towards being ready to adopt another cat, when the time is right. No cat can replace my Buster, he was truly my "heart" cat, but I think it would do my heart good to help another animal live a decent life outside of a cage. We'll see, not quite ready yet. Sending you all lots of support and I hope you have a day where you get some time to be kind to yourselves.
  9. I'm glad you're doing ok. It's natural to have setbacks, but it seems like we're both moving through it all. I'm also ok, just miss my fluff alot. We received his ashes and paw print and lock of fur from our hospice vet, and that was very emotional. It is both very real and very unreal, still. Sending you positive thoughts and comfort.
  10. Hi there, I just lost my very loved kitty of 16 years a month ago, and wanted to respond to say that what you are going through is so very tough. I'm so sorry you have to experience this. It sounds like your connection is just a close, normal connection with a companion who gives you lots of support and unconditional love and has been with you through some really tough times! I can really relate to that. It's normal to be connected like that to our pets. My cat, Buster, also had cancer. We found out when he had a really scary episode where he couldn't breathe. We took him to the ER doctor, they ran tests and kept him on oxygen overnight and found out he had cancer. He recovered enough to come home and lived for about another month. We consulted with a hospice vet who visited the house and helped us to look at his quality of life and his breathing/pain. I think it would have been even harder without her help. It was so, so hard as it was. Everything you mention I relate to...the light switch of feeling grateful to have extra time at first, then depressed at the inevitable future, anxious because every moment felt like it could be his last, and guilty every time I had to go to work, leave the house, etc. I don't know what to say except what you are saying really rings true for my experience as well. I was so attached to my "baby cat" and it was so heart-wrenching both having to worry about him suffering and also having to eventually make the decision to ease his suffering and let him go. I wonder if you are able to work with a hospice vet in your area? I can't tell you how much my hospice vet helped me. She helped me to assess my kitty's health, level of pain, gave us pain meds, and finally helped me to know when he was starting to truly suffer to avoid another recurrence of that traumatic night where he couldn't breathe. As sad as it was, his passing was really peaceful too, and we were able to keep him home. No more endless visits to the vet that he hated. Like I said, it's hard where you are at right now, and it's hard where you are going I won't lie, but try to find some support where you are, and come back here when you need to talk, or just let it out. It helps. Sending you light and hopefully some comfort, knowing someone hears you and has gone through something similar, though never the same.
  11. Biscuit's dad - Just checking in, how are you holding up? Sending good thoughts your way.
  12. Bobo's Mom, I'm just so sorry to hear about your kitty and the difficult circumstances surrounding his passing. It's so hard under any circumstances to lose a loved pet, but this sounds really tough! I too have a lot of guilt surrounding whether I did everything I could for my cat, who died a few weeks ago. It's horrible, this feeling. But honestly you truly don't know whether Bobo would have gotten better after another night in the hospital or if it would have taken thousands more dollars and more time for him in the hospital. There is no way to know these things. It sounds like you did the best thing for him to avoid him suffering any more. My cat had hyperthyroid and diabetes. After being given insulin twice a day for a year, his blood sugar stablized, but he had to be given pills for his thyroid twice a day. He lived for almost 6 years with the thyroid condition before he got lung cancer at 16. He never had any hypoglycemic episodes, but they sound very scary, I'm so sorry you had to go through that! From what you've said, it sounds like you were incredibly kind, patient, and giving to Bobo. Not many people would even give their cat medicine regularly! I know some people surrender cats when the going gets rough, but it sounds like you gave him truly excellent love and care. It sounds like you went above and beyond, and I'm sure he recognized and knew that. Think about all the healthy time you gave him (three years!!!) because of the dedication you showed giving him his medication regularly. Three years is a good amount of time to live with diabetes for a cat, and it must be in part due to your diligence and love.
  13. Hi everyone! Maylissa and KayC, reading what you wrote was so helpful to me, thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I especially am trying to think of ways that I can incorporate my Buster into my everyday life. A good friend suggested that after we had to put my baby to sleep, that we get out of the house and do something in nature. We took a hike up a big hill that Sunday, me crying all the way. As hard as it was, there was some magic in it too. There is a little stone circle in this place at the top of the hill, and at the center I found a small pink glitter heart that looked like the heart on Buster's collar. There was a rainbow around the sun too. Yesterday evening I took the same hike, crying, but it helped me to feel closer to him. Maylissa, I'm also sorry to hear about your sadness around the separation of the kitties. I'm sending good thoughts that they adjust well and are loved deeply. It's so sad. Finally, Biscuit's Dad. You said Biscuit wouldn't win any beauty contests, but I beg to differ! I love love LOVE that picture of him with his sweet little pink tongue sticking out of his mouth. He was so very handsome and you can tell from the pictures just how much he loved you by how relaxed and comfortable he looks. It's truly a special thing to be chosen by an animal. It reflects that you have a giving and generous heart. Being just three weeks out of missing my baby, I feel deeply the ache in the heart that I'm sure is familiar to you. I'm sending all the love and support I can. Please feel free to continue sharing stories of Biscuit, pictures of his handsome face, and how you are feeling. We're here to listen.
  14. I am also so glad you came back and are getting at least a little comfort from knowing that others are going through this with you. It's hard to talk about with people who don't know what it's like. Biscuit (and Buster) were so much a part of our every day lives and gave us so much love and comfort. Some people might not really understand, so it's comforting to me to know through coming here that there are some people who do understand what we are going through. The "new normal" IS really hard to adjust to, and you are very brave every day to actually allow yourself to feel this loss. It's okay to grieve, I think our culture likes to sweep things under the carpet too quickly. I went to a pet loss support group soon after Buster died and it was likewise really helpful in getting some understanding and comfort face to face. It helped me to really understand that I was not alone. I'm not sure where you live but here is a good listing of nationwide resources and state-by-state listings of local pet loss support groups. https://redrover.org/resource/pet-loss-resources/ If you want to share pictures and stories about Biscuit here, please do! I'll include a picture of Buster and say that he was a feral fellow that found me in Baltimore and was a hard guy at first because he bit and scratched, but over the 16 years I had him he truly became a lap cat and a sweet boy. He would sleep on me and purr every night and every morning. I would stick my chin out and he would rub his cheeks on my chin and face as a greeting. He was the best lil guy and my best friend for 16 years! Please feel free to share pictures and stories about Biscuit if you feel like it would help you, we're here to listen!
  15. I'm so so sorry that you lost your sweet Biscuit kitty. It is such pain to lose a best friend, I just lost my Buster cat (who was a ginger like Biscuit). It's been two weeks and it is still a deep pain in my heart. I think I hear him in the other room and I get excited but then remember. It's really so difficult, sleeping is hard. You're not alone in this feeling. I had to put my baby to sleep, and still feel guilt around the decision. He had a terminal illness and would not recover without massive surgery and chemo and painful invasive intervention. Even then, my doctor said he would likely not live another year at the very most if in the unlikely event he even survived the first surgery. We found out after bringing him to the emergency ER after he couldn't breathe at home. Watching him have difficulty breathing was so, so awful. He had to stay in the ER overnight, and the pain was so real thinking of him there, so I know at least a little bit how that feels. Remember though that it is very likely Biscuit did not give you any warning that he was as sick as he was. Cats are experts at hiding their symptoms. I too am having flash backs to the night at the ER and when the doctor came to put him to sleep. It's awful. One thing that helped me is printing out some pictures of him and framing them. I have a little ritual where I light a candle and look at all the pictures of him happy and healthy. So much of Buster's life was happy and healthy, as Biscuit's was too. I hope that soon those memories will slowly replace the traumatic ones. Please be gentle with yourself and try to comfort yourself knowing that you loved your cat so much, he was so lucky in life to have you. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. I can tell that Biscuit was an extremely lucky cat to have you in his life.
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