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Johnny

Contributor
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About Johnny

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Husband
  • Date of Death
    11/30/2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Sumter, SC

Recent Profile Visitors

221 profile views
  1. Married Oct. 6th, 2018....bringing her home for the last time on Dec. 10th, 2018
  2. I only had two months with my dear wife Rene'e- You all are so very lucky. try to imagine, ….
  3. Today is the 8th of December- I remember the day I brought my wife home. Dec. 10th, I got a call from the funeral home saying I could go pick up her ashes. I had been awaiting the call, but it was my chance to bring my baby home. Nothing in this world has ever been harder than that day. I think about that day and all the days that have come since. I feel everyone here and sometimes I know that there just are no words..... Johnny
  4. We were married on Rene'e's father's Birthday Oct. 6th, we chose the date together, and I picked up her ashes from the funeral home on the anniversary day of her father's passing away Dec. 10th. So many difficult first anniversaries to get through. Thinking a lot about what I was going through only one year ago, hard to believe.
  5. Amberley- My wife was cremated and I had to make a space for her too. I think it is very important to have a space for the things which help to bring back memories of how happy she was when we were still together. The first thing we did after we married was buy some new furniture to redo the bedroom like she wanted. We picked up the nightstands at the furniture store and the large dresser drawer she wanted was to be delivered at a later date. So, she was temporarily living out cardboard boxes where she had her clothes stored. Every day she would tell me how much she wished they would go ahead and deliver the large dresser drawer so she could take her clothes she had stored in boxes and put them away in her new dresser drawer. Unfortunately, she passed away before her dresser drawer was delivered three weeks later. When the dresser drawer finally arrived, I was able to fulfill one small wish by taking her clothes out of the boxes and putting them away, neatly and folded, into her nice new dresser drawer. That dresser drawer is the space I made just for her things. I placed her ashes which were in the urn I picked out for her on top of her dresser along with a lot of pictures of us together and I touch her urn gently every day and tell her I love her. I needed a place where I could still talk to her. I needed to be still able to see her things each day so I could always remember how much we loved each other. All of her things are precious to me. Especially the things I know she loved.
  6. Yes Dee, it was a beautiful clear day here in Seattle. Saw the Christmas tree on top of the Space Needle. Looked at I and Rene'e pictures when I could on my phone while I was working on the Ship. Working helped my get through the day and I think she would have been proud that I was able to be productive, It is hard, like Kieron said, it feels like a chapter of my life has come full round, she is gone and I still remember the day. Almost like grieving over my wife's loss and grieving over the past year and how much it has changed without her by my side. I have had good thoughts today as well; remembering the good times long enough to smile. Thank you for the warm peaceful thoughts and reminding me of the love we shared, Johnny
  7. Thank you Gwenivere, KayC, Kieron, and Gin, I knew today was going to be tough, being the anniversary, but fortunately I had to work today so I felt that she would have been proud that I was able to be productive. I had to look at the pictures I had today many times just to remember that she loved me and I had her in my life. I want it to matter because it does. She loved me. I was loved by someone of their own free will. If she had it her way, she wanted to spend as much time by my side. We did everything together. All I wanted was to be with my wife every day. Funny, I did not get to see her two days before the wedding because she had her matron of honor and best friend in the world come into town and they both agreed to stay at her Mom's for the two days prior to the wedding. She called me one the phone the first night she was away at her Mom's and told me that she didn't think she was going to make it, I laughed and I said we would only be away from each other for two nights and then we would be married forever. She just said "I don't care, I miss you now". She was like that. 😊 I have to tell you that reading Amberley's and So Very Sad's recent losses yesterday I was thrown head long into remembering the pain of loss I felt in the first few months. It was all I could do to remember to take care of myself, sleep, eat, and try to pretend to function during those early days. Their were a lot of things I used to love to do and felt I had a purpose. I had a future imagined, and in the future I imagined, I knew there would be tough times, but we would face the tough times together, and as long as we had each other, everything would be alright. I was so lucky, and then she was gone. I was totally lost. Just to deal with the pain took all my strength and I had to force myself to do the things I knew I needed to. I still have a long way to go, but then, I saw no way I was going to be ok. All I could see was a life of work, only to come home alone, for the rest of my life. No one wants a life like that, but what I realize now is that I really do not know how the rest of my life will be. I have to try, that is what she wanted, because she loved me. ♥️
  8. Hello Amberley, I also lost the love of my life in the month of Nov. 30th 2018. We married on Oct. 6th 2018 and she was gone less than two months later, right before the Christmas holiday. I tried to reach out to the family I had around me at first as often I could because I was in such unbearable pain from her sudden unexpected passing away. In fact, I believe I was just going through the motions, doing what I could to keep everything going. After a little more time, at just about after three months, I would sometimes feel as if the walls were closing in on me and I just had to pick up the phone just to hear another human voice. I just could not imagine coming home anymore without her there waiting for me. Try as I might, I could not imagine a future life for myself, all I could do was try to make it through another day. It was difficult to concentrate as my thoughts kept going back to that terrible day I lost her, I knew I had to do something, something to reach out to try to understand this unimaginable feeling of loss and hopelessness. I came here because I did not know what else to do. Here, everyone understands. Almost each day I would write about my wife, something that I remembered. It really helped to be able to talk about her. Remember the happy times and know what she would want for you now. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my wife Rene'e passing away. I made it through all the other difficult first anniversaries that a widowed husband has to go through. Those days are very tough but I try to do something in my wife's honor, like going to church on her birthday, taking the dogs for a day at the park, or just find a way to get outside and have some sunshine on my face. And when it hurts, I let it hurt because that is how much I loved her and still love her. It helps for me to tell others here, who have experienced such a loss, how truly wonderful she was.
  9. OMG, you mean the outside part was open before without the glass! Unbelievable, I would have never thought it.
  10. This will be a Thanksgiving dinner I will always remember. Imagine eight men in a hotel kitchen all at once trying to put together a turkey dinner with all the trimmings at the last minute. Fortunately, everything worked out nicely and we all had our picture taken together with all the food spread out in front of us. At times it seemed a little touch and go without a women there to set us straight, but, in the end we pulled it off. Some hotel guests passerby's even wished our little unlikely group a happy Thanksgiving. As I was carrying what was left of the smoked turkey in a great big foil pan out of my suite, a women passed me by at my door and when she happened to notice what I was carrying, I just couldn't resist saying "It's tough cooking such a big turkey in a little tiny microwave", leaving her with a puzzled look on her face to go figure. 😁
  11. Now that would be something to see. Maybe one day if I am lucky. Heights and me are like "Donkey Kong", I just can't seem to make it past the third level. Thank you Karen - 😊
  12. Anytime! Children were crawling all around me, some of them even lying down on it face first, and here I am a grown man and I was scared to step out on to it. Hilarious 😂
  13. Thank you Dee- Starring down at my feet through the glass floor!
  14. Only two days remain until the first anniversary of my wife Rene'e passing away on Nov. 30th 2018. I realize now that even after all this time, I am still in disbelief and incomprehension. Losing the one who made life worth everything is like being stuck in an altered state where there is just no escape. One thought that is a comfort to me is realizing that if she had a choice she would be here with me still. Her loss was a tragic accident and all who knew her miss her dearly. I am so glad to have had her in my life even if only for a little while. God's Peace
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