I lost my step dad on April 6th, 2018. This Saturday will mark 1 year since he's passed. He didn't pass from a terminal illness, we didn't have time to prepare. He was here one day and gone the next. He passed from a heart attack. He was more than just a step dad to me. He was the only dad I've ever really known. He raised myself and my 3 siblings as if we were his own for the past 22 years. He played doctor when were sick, our chef when we were hungry, our cheerleader at every sporting event all through high school; he put all of us through college and loved us unconditionally. He was my secret keeper from Mom, my Yoda when I needed advice on life, He was my hero. I've always been more of a daddy's girl than a momma's girl. I miss him so much I feel like I cant breathe sometimes. The pain of losing him hasn't lessen in the year that's its been. I still cry everyday. I don't know how to live in a world where my dad doesn't exist anymore. How do you survive when the worst thing has happened? I feel like I'm angry all the time. I'm angry at everything, at God, even a little at him. I just don't understand, why him? I still needed my dad. I will never have him walk me down the aisle or dance with him to a father/daughter dance at my wedding someday. He won't be there when I have children someday. There are so many milestones I wont get to have with my dad. I feel robbed. I feel like I'm losing faith. Its not that I don't believe in God because I do, but I don't understand why he took him, or why he would let this happen. As you can tell I'm angry and I'm not sure when this stage of grief will end for me.
