Bailey’s Mom

Hi BiscuitsDad, i don’t know if you ever still come by here but tonight I thought of you when I came to make a post about my Bailey. So, if you see this I hope you are doing well or pretty well as we reach the two month sad anniversary of losing our little best friends. I thought I was beginning to do better, but tonight has been almost as bad as just after losing her. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that another mourner thought of you and I do hope you’re feeling more brightness in your life. If you see this, go look at my “discussion” and pictures of Bailey if you’re interested. I’m partial but think she was pretty cute. For certain she was sweet and silly. Im wishing you the best under the circumstances. Bailey’s Mom

I’ve not been here for a good while because I read other stories and get so torn apart by them that I feel desperately overwhelmed with grief. My Bailey will have been gone two months on the 25th, and my heart is still completely broken. Tonight I’ve been crying and crying. Tomorrow morning my daughter is coming by to drop off her dog for me to keep through Monday and he and Bailey were buddies for the last eight years. Her dog hasn’t been here since 2 days before I lost Bailey and I can’t imagine having him around without her and it’s killing me! I agreed to help her (my daughter) so she could go out of town, but I just burst into tears when I think of watching him run around and chase balls and play without Bailey. He liked to snuggle by her, too, and I’m so dreading thisweekend. I love her little dog but everything I did with him, I did with the two of them together. The pain tonight is almost more than I can bear and I know that every single minute through Monday is going to be reminding me of how much I miss my Bailey girl. I feel like a whiner but this has been by FAR the worst grief of my life and I wonder if my heart will ever heal. I’m scared that it won’t. Bailey was just SO sweet and even though we were both pain patients for many years she loved chasing balls and having fun. I’ve read others describe their pets as their best friends and even soul mates and I understand and feel both of those were true of Bailey and me. I just want to see her again so terribly! My Bailey was so brave those last weeks. But I’m not brave at all. I’m just missing my sweet Bailey more than my words can express.

BiscuitsDad, You’re an inspiration to me! When I first came to this forum the very first post I read was your first post in this discussion. It broke my heart as almost everything you expressed could have been written by me. My pain, loneliness and feelings of being lost were just like you described. To be honest, I was concerned about you and if you were going to be okay. Now I understand that my concern was likely about ME and if I wold ever be okay. I know that if you allow yourself to think about Biscuit, and how can we not think about our friends that we lost, it will still bring a sharp pain and sometimes a tear. At least that is still often my experience. But you’ve inspired me so much by already taking steps forward in caring for the newest little kittens that you’ve taken in to your home and heart. What a tremendous effect you’ll have in their lives! What a difference I’m sure they will have and are having in your life, too! Every day now I think about adopting a puppy possibly with special needs! I need to proceed a bit carefully because I’ve got health challenges that would make it unfair for me to get another large dog or super strong dog. But, I’m encouraged and motivated and after I get cataract surgery and a few other medical issues taken care of, I want very much to make a difference in a dog’s life. And I don’t know that I would be open to this if I hadn’t seen you take steps forward like you’ve done. So, thanks for being an inspiration to me to not just isolate and sink into a deeper depression but to take those hard steps forward. One day maybe I’ll be able to post a picture of my new family member. I had thought that I just wouldn’t be up to it, but I can get up to it, I think. I’m so glad that by your example you helped me believe that I could. I don’t know if our tears will stop ever. Right now I don’t want them to because that would mean (to me) that I was feeling even that much further away from Bailey. And I don’t want more distance from her. It hurts so much to contemplate distance like that! But I wanted to say thanks to you and I hope you can make many new sweet memories as you care for Ellis and Kiki.

Thanks kayc and MartyT, i really appreciated your kind words. I thought I posted a reply earlier today but I guess I did something wrong so it didn’t post. I’d been reading other people’s posts but I couldn’t share too much about my grief over losing my Bailey. So, I never started a new discussion about her, I think because it made it too real. Even now I couldn’t bear to share what happened the day I had to let her go but I just HAD to tell anyone who would listen about my girl and just how great she was. Your kind words were healing to me and I’m really grateful that you took the time to share with me. Your messages were the hugs I desperately needed. Thanks for the time you devote to care for all here who are walking through the dark and blinding pain of grief. Your compassion is a healing balm for many, I’m sure, as it is for me.

Bailey was the best gift I’ve ever been given and I have no words to describe how much I loved her. She LOVED her tennis balls and I spent countless hours pitching them to her because of the joy it brought her which in turn made me happy. Living in Texas we didn’t see much snow, but she loved it! The first time she saw snow, it had snowed about 6” while she was asleep and I opened the back door for her to go out but she stopped and refused when she saw this wall of white that was taller than she was. I ended up putting on my coat and boots, and carried her out to the middle of our back yard where I gently put her down in it. She wasn’t sure at all what to do, so I stood by her, encouraging her, and in about a minute she was running through the snow and sliding head first, having the time of her life! She loved jumping to catch snowflakes in her mouth over and over again! After playing she loved to snuggle. And I miss this so much! Sometimes Bailey would smash her entire 60 lb.+ body as hard as she could against my legs, when I was laying in bed watching TV, or she would put her feet or head up on me. And Bailey loved seeing animals on TV, especially dogs. Her favorite show was America’s Funniest Home Videos. She knew to watch when she heard the song at the opening and as soon as clips came on with dogs in them her tail would wag like crazy and she’d start barking. She liked seeing cats and some other animals, but mostly dogs. Bailey really was my best friend. We both suffered from pain, which was especially bad the last 2-3 years. I could tell if she was having a bad day and I’d bring her “dinner” to her on a tray. We both had to take several pain medications, but Bailey kept me going as she still loved going out front to see the “kitty cat” who lived next door who is a very sweet cat. Olivia, our cat friend, would come up to Bailey, face to face and then run off, knowing that Bailey couldn’t catch her. Bailey had tons of toys that we kept in a large basket and she loved pulling the basket over and pulling each one out, biting on most of them to make the squeakers squeak. She loved fun but was never destructive and never caused any problems. I never even heard her growl. Everyone loved her. I was so blessed to get to be her mom. I can’t believe that she’s gone. My heart is still so sad and it was a month on the 25th since I lost her. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to have another dog, but I know that I’ll never have another Bailey. She was truly my best friend.

BiscuitsDad, It’s really wonderful that you’ve taken these steps of helping kittens that need special loving care! Many people just will not accept an animal with medical issues or that are imperfect in any way. I’m sure those sweet kittens are very grateful that you’re willing to care for them! I hope very much that you’ll experience an amount of healing in your heart of the grief that’s been unbearable. I know that there’s no replacement at all of your sweet boy, your Biscuit. I can hear your pain which is still very much a part of you. You loved him much thus your grief is deep. But your love can now also be shared and do so much good with your volunteer work! I just had to let you know how wonderful I think it is that you’re helping other kittens now! It would be easy to isolate and stay in your pain. But, you’ve chosen to do so much better! Not everyone would be able to do what you’ve done, and that’s okay, but I know these cute kitty’s are deeply grateful for your loving care and I so hope you’ll find elements of joy as you touch their soft fur and look into those beautiful big eyes. It’s just really great! My Bailey was born with severe hip dysphasia and at age four months when I learned of it the vet told me that her issues were so bad that she was not a candidate for hip replacement surgery. He told me that it might be best for me to put her down. I was head over heals in love with my “baby” and sat in my car with her just weeping. Bailey was a huge surprise two months before that as a Christmas gift from my young adult children. I took Bailey out to a country vet for another opinion and he told me that Bailey wouldn’t be able to run as fast as other dogs or jump as high, but he thought she could be a wonderful companion! He said that she might not live as long as other Springer Spaniels, maybe 7-8 years, but she could have a great life. And she lived about 11 1/2 years and did have a mostly good life! i was diagnosed with a neurological pain disorder (RSD) a year before Bailey came to me, so I was also limited physically, but it was as if Bailey and I were made for each other. She and I were together 24/7, which we both loved! Just as your Biscuit was your best friend, my Bailey was my very best friend and I know what you mean about having trouble with the reality that he is gone. I will turn sometimes to tell Bailey something like “it’s raining!” but she’s not there and it still really hurts! I just can’t believe she’s really gone and miss her terribly. i would guess that you’re like me in having a million things that remind you of Biscuit. I’ve got a few pictures of Bailey that I’ve just now been able to look at and hold onto and not break down. I’m sure it would help me to get out more and volunteer at a shelter, but right now my own health just won’t allow me to drive or do anything like that. I’m holding on to hope that I’ll be able to do that in the future. When I read your first post about Biscuit, your grief was so very raw, as was mine, that I broke down weeping for you, understanding too well the pain I was reading about. Now I’m glad for both of us that our love for our best friends is just as deep yet the pain somehow isn’t quite as bad. I don’t think any of us could survive it otherwise. I’m still so terribly sad and miss my Bailey so much as I know you feel about Biscuit. I hope we both, and we all find the next right steps forward. I don’t actually WANT to go forward, I want to go backward, but just don’t have that option. For all here who hurt I wish for you peace and the comfort of God’s love. Bailey’s Mom

Sharon, I’m so sad to read of your loss of your sweet (and very handsome!) buddy. He’s very cute and I’m truly sorry that your heart has been broken in this way. What kind of dog was he? I sure understand wanting another day to stroke him, but I want SO much more than a day to snuggle up with my Bailey and love on her. Bailey passed away on March 25 and I can’t sleep, I cry ALL night and honestly feel that I won’t get over this. Your sweet friend really is a stunning dog and I’m sure people must have told you that many times! I love his “spot”! I’m praying to get through this, too. I’m glad you have much of what you need but it just doesn’t take away the pain. I hope you’ll come back and tell us more about your handsome guy! I’m SO sorry for your loss.

BiscuitsDad, I’m so glad to see you came back and know that others do get what you’re going through. I’ve had those same thoughts of wanting to give up on life, but my faith and adult daughter will keep me here. Do you have friends or family you could spend some time with? Or a local coffee shop that you might hang out at a bit, just to be with others some? I had a couple who came over for about an hour a few days after my Bailey passed away and it sure was nice to be with them. But that night the grief was a deeply painful and agonizing as all of the others. I haven’t seen anyone else. I can’t do those things. I’m disabled from a neurological pain disorder and it has limited my time that I’m able to stand, walk, or even sit with my legs down. Plus, right now driving isn’t possible even for short trips I use to make for groceries and things because I can’t see well enough due to cataracts and can’t have surgery on my eyes until my diabetes is under much better control. I was just thinking of what might bring you some comfort and for me that would be caring people, but we are all different. When Bailey hadn’t eaten in 2 weeks except for twice when it made her sick, I had to make the torturous decision to let her go. I know you’ve had excruciating pain and guilt, but so do I. A vet came to my home who was as sweet of a person as I’ve ever met and she sat with me and with Bailey for an hour, loving on Bailey and comforting her. But later that night I wept like never before in my life that has been full of loss for the past 25 years... and I cried out to Bailey and felt like I’d murdered my best friend! No situation of losing our truly best friend can be a good circumstance, can it. I wept as I read your first post because I had the exact same feelings. Bailey snuggled up against me at night and I LOVED it so much! I loved her so much. She was the best friend I’ve EVER had. So loyal and sweet and funny and very cute. My daughter wants me to get another dog, but it wouldn’t be Bailey. One thing I wanted to share with you was that the vet who came to my home was from Lap of Love, and they have a link to pet grief resources like phone counseling and groups for pet grief, as well as other possible helpful ways to cope with the loss of our fur babies that we love so very much. I thought you might go to Lap of Love’s website to click the links and see if anything might help you a little bit. I’m going to call tomorrow. I just have to. I’ve been up all night every night weeping and crying out to Bailey. It sounds like Biscuit was a wonderful friend and I know our pain will not be quick or easy for us to get through, but please just keep taking steps. I’ll check back here to see how you’re doing if you keep posting and I hope you will. It sure seems like there are very caring people here and I’m grateful for this site. There’s something of a balm that comes from others who care and understand.

Your story of losing your sweet Biscuit has me weeping. I lost my sweet girl Bailey on March 25, my English Springer Spaniel, and I’m so lonely and feel like my heart has been shredded. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. It sounds like Biscuit was truly your best friend and honest soul mate. Bailey sure was mine. I just couldn’t be more sorry and am extending my deepest sympathy. I wish you were my next door neighbor. I would have you over to bring pictures of Biscuit and tell me some stories about him. I know how desperate I feel to talk to someone about my girl. She had the prettiest big brown eyes. The love you have for Biscuit makes me know that you gave him a great life! He won a kitty lottery to have been loved (and maybe spoiled) so very much. My Bailey was with me 24/7 for the past 11+ years and I’m trying to be glad for how much we were together, but that is what makes now so painful. I hear the same in your story. We don’t know how we can go on without them. And, we don’t want to because the pain is so bad. But, we need to. I know you were a great and loving “dad” to Biscuit and he was sure lucky to have been yours. I’m really sorry for your huge loss.