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SonofASA

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About SonofASA

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Mother
  • Date of Death
    4-3-19
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Concordville, Pennsylvania

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  1. Reading your post was so uncannily like my experience. My Mother was suffering from COPD and developed pneumonia. Unlike a half dozen times since her diagnosis in 2010, she lost this battle just as I was returning to the hospital with a night bag to stay with her overnight. She left us on 4-3-19 and my reasons for being back home are different but the intent to care for my parents is the same. My Father isn't after Mom's money but he's showing signs of dementia and is quite forgetful. I have a Sister and Brother who help keep an eye out for him and he knows enough that we truly love him and will do everything in our power to help him. If there's anything that has helped me in this process, it's the saying that goes: You never get over the loss of a loved one. You just get used to it." Regards.
  2. Thank you kayc for your wishes, and my apologies for taking this long to respond. I, too, extend my condolences to you. As I read that you find it hard to believe that he's been gone for 4-1/2 years, I have a bevy of emotions and feelings that seem almost misplaced. Sometimes I'll cry as I would expect a Son to cry after his Mother has passed, then go three or four days in a sort of bubble where intellectually I know she's gone but then find myself also feeling a sense of disbelief. It's like I feel as if I should be sadder somehow or not entitled to be serene and accepting. Almost like what survivors guilt sounds like. I'm not scared or lost, just a bit perplexed about what I'm going through. At least I've had plenty of support in my family (I'm unmarried and childless) and I've been open about my feelings and unashamed of crying. As you may know, handling the unfinished business of a parent makes for a busy time and while my siblings are doing a lot of the work, I still find myself a little bewildered by what this is all about. I personally never cared for the notion of inheriting anything and often told my parents that I'll make it on my own steam. This is quite an intricate process getting everything switched over to Father so that he can finish Mom's task of what to do with the estate. I'm fortunate to have a Brother that I can trust with my life and who has an amazing aptitude for the process as well as an inextinguishable drive to see things through to their completion. Our Sister is just as driven toward turning Mom and Dad's house around in areas of modernizing, repair and general sprucing up. Me, I fill in the gaps and try to keep everyone humored despite my grief at the loss of the best person I'll ever know.
  3. Over the years I've come to know the meaning of the phrase "You don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore" on an intellectual level. Then there were the moments when I didn't have enough money to pay the bills or lost a pet, or even tried to relate to someone else who lost a loved one. But when my Mother passed away on 4/3/2019, what began in me was a profound understanding of that phrase. I just finished crying for the umpteenth time despite all the support and encouragement I've received from relatives and friends. I felt that I had said all I needed to say to Mother and I long ago made peace with her, but I really, really, really want to put my arms around her one more time to tell her that I love her. My siblings and I are going through her extensive records to make sure the estate is handed over completely to Father so that he can finish the process of making the living will finalized. We don't need or want the money. The point is to keep it out of probate. The thing with Father is he never involved himself with the financials and has no idea of what is going on until we explain it to him. That's a long way of saying that the last 11 days have been emotionally taxing because we all enjoyed and loved one another. Mom built and guided a solid family that will stick together, but for me the sentimentality is most difficult to handle. Mother and I were very much alike in that regard and almost every item that she wrote on or trinket she kept reminds me of the times and places we've been through which evokes feelings of happiness and longing followed by profound sorrow for not having her here. She never wanted us to be sad, but it is very difficult not to be so at this point. But I endeavor to mourn her and expect sadness much less often that I do now just over a week after her passing. Love your loved ones folks. If you haven't already, videotape them talking or having fun, you'll be glad you did. I have a few hours of her and wish I had much, much more, but I will treasure what little I have. I love you Mother. You represent all the good in me and I endeavor to live life as you did. There aren't words adequate enough to describe how good you were to me and I can say that I am the most fortunate person in the world to be your son.
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