songbird24

Hi Searra, I am also very sorry for your loss and can relate to how you may be feeling. It is so incredibly painful and though with time life gets a little easier, I still miss my baby brother every day. I lost my brother to suicide in December 2017 and he was intermittently staying with me and my husband in the months prior to his suicide. We struggled for months to get him help for an undiagnosed mental health issue related to threats of suicide. I am haunted by this struggle. He would come to visit us for a few hours at a time, eat and sleep a little, but refuse to stay with us and eventually leave to sleep in our city parks or his van, basically homeless. I was only aware there was a serious problem 3 months prior to his suicide and our family was scrambling to make sense of it all and try to help him. We even had an interventionist help perform an intervention, multiple hospitalizations including a 5150, drove 6 hours up north twice to try and find him due to calls with threats of suicide. I still feel guilty that I didn't do enough, especially when he came to my home and told me some of the dark details of his mental illness. I started journaling immediately after his death as one method of coping, but this is the first time I have shared my loss on a forum. I don't have a lot of advice on how to move forward, but reading your story has helped. I have found comfort in a more spiritual relationship with my brother through nature. I also went back to school to get my Masters in Psychology to help build my confidence again. I am open to any suggestions too. Thanks for sharing💛