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SJC

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Everything posted by SJC

  1. Thank you for sharing... unfortunately, there is only one bereavement support group here in my area (the one that made me feel worse) and I'm not up to starting a new one but it is a possibility down the road. I was reading through the many awesome comments written here and somewhere I read "you have to learn to accept that loss is now part of your new reality". That affected me quite strongly because I just wasn't sure what to "do" with these feelings of horrific loss, esp since I've been feeling them for so long! I wondered if they were always going to be a part of my new reality and in all honesty, the answer is yes! That feeling of loss, not just of him, but of our traditions and friends, etc... will always be present. I think I had been secretly trying to escape those feelings instead of embracing them - loss is real so to embrace it actually makes me feel a bit more free to move forward because now that I know it will always be a part of me and my life, I have more incentive to figure out how to manage it instead of allowing it to overtake me.
  2. My husband Patrick, died 2 1/2 years ago at the age of 63. We were married for 40 years. I'm considered (so some tell me) to be a young widow since I was 60 when he died. I'm writing because I want to know if others are also feeling what I've been feeling lately and if it's part of the grieving process. I sure have experienced everything others have shared. Numbness the first year - just trying to survive since I had never been alone in my entire life. He and I did everything together. Never even stayed alone in my house for one night without him since we were married! Crying seems second nature to me now. The second year was difficult because I was exhausted from having to do everything myself and the reality started to settle in that this is my life and I will never see, talk to or hold or be held by him again. How could I go from being so happy to such despair. I know this is a part of life but my emotions are shouting , NO, this is not what I want right now! Now, I'm heading into the 3rd year and I've noticed these past few weeks, a whole other level of sadness that's different than before. Maybe its because its a new season - Spring -approaching. I do remember reading somewhere that the change in seasons can also trigger grief because it brings up specific memories during that particular season of things we used to do together. I was out walking my dog (got her the day of my husband's service...given to me by one his family members) and I was aware of families being out and cleaning up their yards together, and I just lost it. I feel like I don't have that sense of belonging like I did. Not only that, most of the people who were support people, have dwindled out of my life because they think I should be over it by now. Therefore, the sense of isolation can be very overwhelming. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you find support groups helpful? I went to one Hospice Support group meeting and came home feeling more depressed than when I went! I'd rather do things together.... and chat...walk...shop... eat.... laugh and cry together. I would so appreciate any insights if others had a harder time going into the 3rd years. He died, Feb. 16, 2017. thanks all, Love and Blessings... Sue
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