Thank you. I feel guilty In that ,while my mom died ,my daughter and husband survived. It’s the fear that engulfs me. Every time he gets an issue or a cold. The leukemia and transplant process was arduous and every day in two hospitals they gave us bad news. It wasn’t until the third hospital that we found hope. We literally were living in hospitals and away from home for just shy of a year. We are blessed. But we are thethered to monthly lab tests. Instead of enjoying life I live in terror of a repeat. You add this to my daughters ongoing medical traumas and her daily medical conversations about how she feels like she is loosing her battle and I’m raw. The never ending battle with accessing medical help being on state insurance for her is draining.
We are drowning financially and I’m responsible for my daughter and her son I often feel too tired to get out of bed but I do I grieve the life we had A happy daughter....she’s often angry and in pain Her son is suffering and I can’t fix anything
My husband should not be working so hard after a transplant
I shoukd be kind amd loving Instead I’m sad or angry and feel unable to cope with conversations Especially about medical issues
So this is another kind of ongoing grief and a new one to me anxiety! In my mid sixties how long can I keep up I know this isn’t a day at a time It’s gotten so sad I cry and cry
I don’t want to die I don’t want any of my family to be ill I’m just terrified and traumatized
