SaraW946

Thanks. I do have another dog, whom I got three years ago because my original dog was already getting old, and I knew that I would go crazy if he died and I had no dog. I think I have wronged the second dog. Although I take care of him, I feel like I don’t even know him because I was so focused on the other one. And yes, I understand what you mean by soulmate of a dog. He was that.

Thank you very much for your replies, they really make me feel a little better. One of the problems I am having right now is with some well-meaning friends, who don't get what it means to live with a dog, then lose him, and they try to console me by strongly suggesting I never, ever again get close to an animal. They just don't get it. I have had some issues in my life, and when I got this dog, my life entered a period of normalcy which has lasted until now, for over 10 years. He marked the beginning of that era, and now he is gone, so I sort of see myself as I was back then, only I have grown since then. The feeling is very strange. It's like a chapter in my life has closed, and I need to change radically, moving on to the next one. At this point, I am on meds to help me cope, and I am wearing black clothes. I come from a culture where we used to do it for close relatives, and even that custom is less in use nowadays. Yet, I feel, I must wear mourning for longer than I did for my parents. I don't know what to think. I guess I am totally incoherent.

Two days ago, my beloved Aussie of 11 years died at age 13+. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I feel terrible, and the irrational guilt is even greater. There was nothing I could have done, and I offered him every chance to treatment I could. He was suffering, so I consented to euthanasia. What is killing me inside is the knowledge I will never see him again because I cannot believe in anything or any afterlife. The pain of losing him was so unbearable that it physically hurt. Indeed, I have been crying for him more than I cried for any other person, including my parents and my best friend. He marked the beginning of a great change in my life, for the better but under a lot of stress, and now his death marks the end of an era and the beginning of another. The void he left in my heart is enormous, as matter of fact, part of me died with him. I don't know how to go on and have to learn again.