Anne7676

I just wanted to check in and say that things did get easier. But the first three weeks were some of the hardest of my life! The anxiety was the worst. i think it was from having her in my daily routines 24/7, and then she was absent, I was lost with nothing to hang on to. I could not understand her absence. But am making peace with it now, 6 weeks later. I am historically alone a lot (when not at work) and that was always fine - until I didn't have my dog. Now I am really understanding why I need to establish some sort of a community, a social life. The thing I needed the most during the first three weeks, and still now, is people around me and with me. It was so awful at first being really alone with a very limited social support system! Thanks for the space I was given here, wishing all so much peace.

Oh, Harry's Daddy, much comfort and love and peace to you as you start through this! Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone, it does help some. You are not alone, either. ~Anne

Days 12 & 13: Wow - thought things were getting better, and then I fell back into tears yesterday, and found myself looking for her everywhere and not seeing her. I suppose this is also normal, but it is very painful. And makes working at my job difficult. I think part of what is going on is that I am merging the grief with an overall sense of loneliness. I get that I need to fix my life, but this is really really hard. ~Anne

Thank you so much, I always feel a bit better when I have information! I guess when I was thinking this morning that I had this grief thing pretty much handled, the Universe stepped in to give me a reality check, lol. What a roller coaster.

Today is Day 5. I just went through sort of a "panic" over did I do everything I could for Izzy on her last day? Intellectually, I know I did everything I could, every single day, I cared for her for 15 months after she first got sick, I did absolutely everything that the doctor told me to and I told her I loved her constantly for 15 months, and we woke up each morning and were vocally grateful to have another day. I do not understand why I am panicking over this right now. It's temporary, I know, and I am breathing a little better now, but I am reliving that last day and really don't need to. I would like to know that this panicky thing is normal or perhaps understand why I did it (hopefully it won't happen again!) I knew Friday morning that she was having trouble breathing, and I even asked her if that was the day for her to go. We went to work, and her breathing worsened a bit, and we had already called in the morning and set a vet appointment at 3:30. I left work at noon, for the sole purpose of spending time with her in case it really was the end. At about 2pm she got a bit worse, then worse yet in the doctor's office. So things really did go relatively easy, her doctor was there for her, I was there for her, many of the vet techs that she knows well were there for her. Why the panic today that I didn't do enough? This is so uncomfortable! But temporary.

Thank you so much, I am looking for ways to get through this, knowing it will get easier, and your kind and understanding words are so helpful. Today is Monday, and will be my first time through the workday routines without her. She went to work with me every day. So today will be hard, Tuesday will be easier. Amazing what a force she was in my life, how big a part she played. It is hard to understand how she could be just gone. This has been a profound experience, losing her to death.

Hello. My name is Anne and I lost my baby girl Izzy yesterday. I am usually a fairly practical person in life, and can accept things, and I know my feelings will get more comfortable with time, but this first day is so difficult for met, the first day going through all of the moments of routine that are no longer the same. Everything about her passing was as easy as it possibly could be, I think, under the circumstances,I had been caring for her declining kidneys for 15 months, all of her days were good until yesterday which was tough for her, and she took the guesswork out of knowing "when", it was clear that yesterday was the day she needed to go, so there was one kinda bad day is all. I love her so so much. I think the hard part is that I lived alone with Izzy for 12 years and have been unsuccessful socially since moving to CA 20 years ago. There is a lot I can tell you about what a wonderful perfect little dog she was, and how lucky I was to have her in my life for 12 years, and for getting 15 months after begging for just one more month after her health crisis a year ago February. But the issue I bring here, not knowing what this post will be like, but wanting to try getting some support somewhere, is that I am alone in my house, and my only friend just left to go camping yesterday, and some casual friends have been helpful in texts and emails, but I am very frightened of my emotions right now and being physically alone is not helping, am trusting that this day will be the worst and hoping someone can confirm my thinking that tomorrow will be easier - ?