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KylaB

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About KylaB

  • Rank
    New Visitor

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    friend
  • Date of Death
    April 2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Washington, DC

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  1. I just thought I’d update/seek some more advice. It’s been about 3 months since my ex left me, and since then things were tension filled between us, although we severed all ties of direct communication during the breakup. Yesterday I got the text I’ve been long anticipating... but by this time around Im just not sure if I feel completely the same. For months he left me in the blind and acted cold towards me, and I was left to just wonder why the hell he was acting this way to me. So now he’s back... saying he loves me, wishes we could start over, using what happened to our friend as the reason why he did what he did to me... etc. People are telling me don’t be so quick to let him back in and I agree... but part of me does wish things could be the same but I just have a feeling they won’t be. And i’m not sure I trust him anymore enough to give him my heart... I don’t know what to do.
  2. Thanks everyone for your responses and for being honest with me. I do agree that I need to work on my anger. I felt horribly afterwards that I acted in that way because I had never done that to him before. I definitely shouldn’t have done that. He told me that if the shoe was on the other foot, a man hitting a woman, it would have went very differently and that I would have left him. Quite frankly, he told no lies. These days are so long and draining. For majority of the day he’s all I can think about and it hurts that I can’t even pick up the phone to call him like I normally would. I think about all the ways I went about this situation wrong and even things I’ve done in this relationship that were wrong... and although you all say it’s nothing I could have done to fix this... I can’t help but disagree. But it is hard to hear your partner needs space after 2 years of being in such a deeply connected relationship. And it’s funny how things come full circle... because a few months ago I asked him for a break to try to “find myself” but he pleaded with me and I felt horribly so I decided to stay with him. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself but I don’t think it’s possible right now. He was a huge part of my life for a long time, and very much my first real relationship. Thanks again... I’ll return for an update if anything does in fact change. For now, I’ll be trying to maintain and stay out of his way.
  3. Hi everyone, I’m a new user. For the past week or more I’ve been looking at everyone’s stories and I am finally deciding to share mine. In September of 2017 I started dating who I thought was the love of my life. Everything was great for us in the beginning. We did have our fair share of issues but got through them together. We were best friends and lovers. It was like a fairytale honestly. We were both deeply in love and he told me how much he loved and cherished me everyday. But, in April 2019 our friend committed suicide. This friend was his bestfriend, however. During the early stages after our friend’s suicide I noticed things that I thought were normal, such as my boyfriend sleeping for majority of the day and not showing a lot of enthusiasm as normal. But, I didn’t seem to notice the distance growing in our relationship until about a month or so later. I felt like he didn’t feel the same about me and I voiced this to him several times. He told me that that wasn’t the case and that he was spending much more time with his friends lately because of our friends’ death. I tried to be understanding but now as I reflect I think I may have been too hard on him. I was used to being with him everyday and spending time that once that stopped happening like I wanted, I became selfish. I can admit that we were very attached and I was not used to him spending a lot of time with his friends. There were many occasions where he did things that made me feel left out. For instance, we would make plans but his friends would call and then we’d have to alter our plans or he’d leave me hanging. Each time something like this happened, I got upset and told him how I felt. Towards the end (of our relationship) he started dismissing my feelings and telling me that he’s adjusting to this new way of life (although sometimes he’d do it in such a nonchalant way, almost like “Look, this is how things are so just get used to it”.) Fast forward to this month, June. I could feel the connection weakening: we were arguing most days. We got into a heated argument a couple days before I left for vacation and things turned physical on my part. We talked about it the next day face to face and I promised to never let my emotions get the best of me now matter how he acted, and we ended on a good note. Then, I left on vacay and we got into a small “argument” (wasn’t even as much as an argument) and he said we needed space. It crushed me. I reacted really badly, crying hysterically and begging him not to do this. He acted nonchalantly again. He said this is the best for us right now, that it wouldn’t be fair to me to keep going through this same cycle of him promising me that things would get better but him making the same mistakes. But that he also said he couldn’t put a time stamp on this “break”. I texted/called him for about 2-3 days after this simply begging/crying/getting angry at this decision. I felt that we should have mutually agreed on this and that I should have been given more details on how things would be during this break. Our conversations after this weren’t so good and he acted very cold to me like I’d done something. I tried calling him about 4 days ago only to find out he blocked me. Also, his friends and i were in a group chat and one of his friends removed me from the chat. He also told me he deleted my accounts from his phone. So, I stooped to the lowest level and messaged him on social media. The message reads: “i’m not sure why u blocked me, i’m sorry if i did anything to hurt u. i want to be here for u and am trying to respect ur wishes. but u don’t have to erase me out of ur life, i just want to know ur okay. days without talking isn’t like us... just please let me know everything is ok.” He responded “I’m not i’m just getting myself together”. I said “okay. i am here for u. do whatever u need to do for urself. i love u.” he responded “i love u too”. That has been our last communication. As I look back on our conversations after reading this forum, i realize that i may have pushed him beyond his emotional limits. for a time he put up with this “nagging” that i did, but then it seemed he grew tired. I really hope this is not the end but I am preparing myself for the fact that it may be. I’m confused because it started as “space” but then he blocks me from calling/texting. He said he’d check in on me but now thats impossible unless he plans on doing that through social media which I doubt (plus it’s been 4 days). I will see him in 2 days at our deceased friend’s son’s first birthday party. i am unsure of what to say (if anything at all) when i see him. if him or his friends try to act like i’m invisible it may cause me to emotionally relapse, and i don’t want to do that because i’ve been making slight progress. for this past week and some change I’ve been slowly picking myself back up, figuring out how my life was before he was in it. he is still the first thing on my mind when i wake up and go to sleep. this is all so hard, especially now knowing that he may never come back. I’ve been trying NC for 8 days (although i did break it that one time). I’ve heard nothing from him although he posts. I don’t want to hold on to hope because it’s dangerous, but I cant help it. it’s hard to believe that he can just throw our entire relationship away so easily. Please, if anyone can offer advice if they have been through anything similar please do. Thanks
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