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VelvetBlue

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  1. Thank you for the support and advice Rae and Kayc! It's only been around a month since this terrible thing has happened but I am doing quite well. I'm actually very proud of the strong person I am turning out to be. The way that I am able to deal with this situation is teaching me a lot about myself. This actually means that sometimes I feel even happier than I have ever felt before! I am enjoying spending time with my close ones and thinking positive thoughts. Although I do fall back into negativity, I am learning how to cope with such feelings so it is getting easier to stand back up every time and the pain is less severe each time. Unfortunately, I was a bit impulsive and reached out to him again to tell him that I did not abandon him and if he needs me, I will be there for him as a friend. I just couldn't bear to leave someone that I still care about during such hard times all because I'm not getting a romantic relationship. I guess this just comes from me being very cautious in who I keep around so I trust in my judgement and I don't want to be the person who has abandoned a good friend in difficult times. Knowing that I am still important to him, I know he would have hurt having me leave him even though he did push me away. I'm not sure if he has many people who are able to be there for him emotionally or understand him as well I do (I would like to think that I know him quite well) so I told him I would gladly be that person. Fortunately, he said that he appreciated it and now he knows who to contact if he needs help. I believe that he needed to hear such support which has bought me great relief. I have chosen to be there for him as a friend and he has allowed it but I won't allow myself to be taken for granted. Don't worry, I am moving on and I absolutely do not expect him to get back together with me! I have let go of majority of such feelings and even when they return, I am able to guard myself quite well. I never allow it to grow further than a small fantasy. We are both quite young so I know there is more out there in the world for me. Though I am putting myself in a position which makes me very vulnerable, I am able to see him only as a friend that needs help separate to the person I was dating. The worst thing that can happen in this situation I guess is that he isn't such a great person after all but then it will be another valuable lesson in which I can learn from to become stronger. Also it would just really be his loss. However, I think I am willing to take such a risk to help out someone who is struggling and be able to keep a good person as a very good friend at the end of this all.
  2. My boyfriend who just recently experienced a loss of a close one broke up with me over text. Our relationship was perfect for us and he told me that before the traumatic event he never considered breaking up with me. He just told me that he was unsure about everything in his life right now and it wasn't my fault at all. He said he didn't like how final breaking up sounded but he stuck with it. I still can't help but feel lost when I think about how detached he was and how final the decision seemed. He mentioned that I'm still beautiful, amazing and all that but he just can't treat me the same way anymore, it is unfair to me and that he wishes things could have ended differently. It really sounded like he had a rational mind though I would like to hope that his grief has made him react this way. I reached out to him after NC. I had wanted to tell him in person how I felt and apologise for making it even more difficult for him during his time of grief but I just ended up sending it through text. I told him that I forgave him, apologised for making it difficult, that I was doing okay, pointed out perhaps why he didn't want to keep our relationship, told him that I loved him not just being in a relationship and asked him to consider giving it another go. The reply was quick, he didn't even take time to consider even though I asked him to. (I understand it might have been too early but I wanted to move on.) He said that I was a good person and he was glad that I was doing better, he felt more at ease because he was guilty for hurting me but he doesn't think he's ready to try again or if he ever will be. He said life is complicated and his situation has changed and he doesn't see us together anymore and wants me to move on. I already expected such a reply but seeing it still hurt. Just realising that he is able to second guess everything in his life except our relationship hurt. Apparently for him I just wasn't good enough. I said I wished the best for him and all the happiness in the world and respected his decision. I did not beg or overreact. I told him that I can not be friends with him and am currently in NC. I never could outright tell him that he hurt me incredibly. He was essentially putting me through the loss of a loved one as well. However, I sacrificed my feelings so he could feel better in such hard times. Realising that he is taking my love for granted is helping me move on. Yet I can't help but wonder if he will regret because though I truly want him to be happy, I still want him to realise that he has let someone go that really would have never left him. I also feel incredibly bad as I feel like I'm abandoning him in these hard times but I've told him I will not contact him anymore and I plan to stick to that. I feel like I was too quick and selfish to ask him to give it another go. Perhaps he saw it as me being shallow but I needed closure and I wanted to relieve his guilt and pain even a little. I never told him how much I worried that he was hurting and how sorry I was for his situation because he wouldn't want me to worry as it would pressure him more and he doesn't like feeling weak. Also I just didn't want to bring up the loss of his close one. I thought it would be better to leave him completely but I wonder if it was the wrong choice. I maybe should have stayed for him and encouraged him during these hard times and not pushed him to consider trying again. I feel like I've ruined everything. Yet at the same time, I see that he is taking me for granted. I am constantly cycling through not wanting him back but also feeling as though he will come back. It hurts that I have to be the 'bigger person', and the uncertainty of whether what I did was right or if I was too selfish is eating away at me slowly. Sorry that the writing is not amazing. Thank you for reading, I would really appreciate any advice and support!
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