Cowgirl19

Thanks, everyone

Thanks, all. I guess what's really bothering me in all this is that I did SO much for her kids during the whole divorce and custody battle (which is still unfolding). I'm talking picking them up from school multiple times a week, ferrying them around, helping them with homework, even staying overnight at least once a week when she had to work late. I was happy to do these things at the time, and I still don't regret it, her kids are great, but it feels like whiplash to go from her calling me the sister she never had to being straight-up ghosted. I usually don't feel anger when grieving, but I have to admit I'm angry about this -- it feels like she took advantage of my availability, including my emotional availability, when she needed a friend, but when I was going through a tough time (and still am) and needed her to be my friend back, she wasn't there at ALL. Maybe it was because she's overwhelmed, fair enough, but I honestly feel kind of used. I know with time this will pass, and that holding onto resentment isn't healthy, but yeah, the more I think about the situation the angrier I am. It would be one thing if she told me honestly how she was feeling, that she needed some time and space for herself. But she didn't. She just cut me out completely. I wonder how she explained it to her kids.

Hi to anyone out there: As I wrote on another part of these forums, I recently had to say goodbye to my dog and my parents' dog (the dog I was raised with). It's been a very sad and stressful period, and I'm lucky to have had kind people rallying around me. One of my friends, however, has apparently just up and ghosted me. If you're not familiar with the term, "ghosting" is when someone just cuts you out of their life -- no warning, no explanation, no closure. She didn't give me a reason and she won't return my calls or texts -- I can tell she's been reading my texts but no response. She wasn't my closest friend so we don't really have mutual friends I could ask to intercede or dig up an explanation of some sort. I'm not saying this is in any way comparable to having a friend actually die, but it's still an abrupt loss of a social relationship, and all the more puzzling because as far as I know, my friend is physically okay. I know she's going through a tough divorce and custody battle, so maybe she's retreating from everyone, not just me, but it's unlike her and I can't help wondering if it's because my own grief became too much for her. Which itself is strange because while everybody has their own limits on how much emotions they can absorb from others, this woman wasn't my closest friend, so she wasn't one of the key people (in my eyes) helping me through this time. But at the end of the day, I'm sad, I'm hurt, and I'm confused. Has anyone else been ghosted by a friend, particularly during a stressful period? How did you handle it?

Thank you both Slowly but surely it is getting a little easier every day.

My condolences on the loss of your husband. I'm still toying with the shrine idea myself... maybe in a week, or two, or three... right now I find myself talking to my dog when I get home from work, not sure if that's normal? I'm just so used to having her pitter-pattering around, and the apartment is so empty without her even though of course she couldn't talk back!

Thank you all so much Right now, it just hurts too much to mention their names or look at their photos. But I hope and pray that in time it will be possible. Right now it is just a physical ache, sometimes sharp, sometimes dull, but always there.

Thanks for your kind response. Anticipatory grief is indeed really, really hard, and I'm sorry you're going through it right now. But I am sure you are doing a wonderful job of making your dog's last days filled with love and comfort Right now, I am thinking of having some pictures of my dogs printed and framed, so that they can "greet" me when I come home. Yes, the apartment feels so, so empty, it's horrid. Right now I am living overseas due to work and my husband is back in the US, which makes it even harder. He's been wonderfully supportive but there's only so much you can do over the phone, you know? And what makes it hard too is that my dog here was a rescue, I was planning to bring her back to the US, and now that's not possible. She was younger than my parents' dog and I thought we had years and years left. I know with rescues things can unfold on a different timeframe than the one you originally wanted, because they have already usually gone through so much by the time they come to us. And while I think it was still the right decision to put her to sleep, to prevent any more suffering, it's just a whole bundle of sadness wrapped up in itself. I'm grateful to have known both dogs but this is so, so hard, it hurts with a fierceness I couldn't have imagined before.

Hi: Over the past two weeks, both my dog and my parents' dog (the dog I grew up with) had to be put to sleep. In both cases, it was the humane thing to do, to prevent any more suffering, but I never expected both of them to go at the same time and it is so, so hard. I don't think I've cried this hard in ages, and my apartment just feels empty -- I feel empty, for that matter. I saw a piece of my dog's kibble on the floor this morning, for example, and just lost it. I can't stop crying, my sleep is rubbish, and I've really been struggling at work: I work in a hospital and I feel like I'm so consumed by my own grief that I haven't been there for my patients and their families in the way that I should be as a medical professional. (I haven't broken down at work or anything, I'm still holding strong, but it's really hard most days.) I know, with time and tears, that this will pass, that grief is normal and healthy. But it feels like a living, slow-moving nightmare. And because this is my first experience with pet euthanasia, I have no idea how long the grieving process "usually" takes (I realize we all move at our own speeds). If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and for any advice you might have.