N&C

It sounds like Arlie is in the best possible hands! I hope the hemp oil helps him through this time! Thanks for your raw honesty Kayc! I can’t wait till I can write to you that I’m doing better! Baby steps xx

Thanks Kayc, your comments help me so much. You give me hope that one day I can find peace again! You have helped me so much and I will be eternally grateful. Your right, even a tiny bit better is better than nothing. I’m not as shocked and in utter despair anymore, I guess I’m just in a different hard stage. Hope you had a nice day with Arlie! Xx

Hi KayC, I wish I could say I’m doing better but I’m still struggling physically. I’m still loosing weight and my anxiety is through the roof but I’m not vomiting anymore. I’m sleeping better thanks to some sleeping pills from my doctor and have been diagnosed with depression. The stabbing feeling in my heart has gone but when I think about the fact I have lost him (my first thought when I wake) makes me feel sick and panicky. I know this is probably not a normal reaction for a break up but I can’t help it. I’m dissapointed in myself because I have 3 healthy children and that’s all I should care about. I don’t cry anymore, it just feels like I am crying on the inside but no tears come out. Sometimes I just feel numb. I’ve been searching online about this and some women have said they didn’t get over it for a year or two! That makes me feel a bit more calm as I’m maybe not the only one to feel this strong. I’m going back to work tomorrow which is a huge step and I’ve been to court twice and had mediation but the kids still are not allowed to see their dad. Maybe these issues are affecting me too! Usually before I go to bed is the time I feel not so overwhelmed which is nice but then it all starts again the next day. I wish I could say I’m a lot better but at the moment it’s only a tiny bit better.

Hi KayC, I think I’m doing a bit better from my first post. Still feeling the pain and sadness but trying to accept that even though I still love him, he has hurt me and he will not going to give me the closure I need. I’m still constantly thinking about it which is annoying and a bit scary but I’m kind of feeling like I don’t want to talk to him until I’m much stronger because I think he would hurt me again by just speaking blunt to me. When we were together he was always kind and loving but when he said he wanted space he was cold, rude and blunt so if we do talk I would assume the same treatment and I don’t want to go through that again. Xxx

I hope you get many more moths with him KayC xxxxx

What a beautiful dog! He is so lucky to have you spoiling him every moment! I’m sorry to hear he has cancer, I hope you get lots of precious time with him xx

Hi KayC! I treated myself to some chocolate today. I hope this counts haha! I hope you are treating yourself too xx

Thanks KayC, I’ve had a better day today. I’m so sorry that you lost your beautiful soulmate. He sounds like such an amazing man and someone you truely deserved. I’m glad you have so many positive memories left of him and know that you were truely loved. I feel like I am a bit stronger now and I have hope that with determination I can recover. I will make an effort to do nice things for me as your right, I am my best friend and I do deserve happiness. Thank you for these chats I think they are helping me heal and see clearly xx

Thanks Kayc, I really like that bit of advice that I need to bring my own closure. I don’t have much to work with other than he didn’t really love me, was possibly lying that he did. I feel confident that I loved him deeply and was always patient and kind to him without putting any pressure on him. I hope one day he looks back and thinks wow she was a really good to me. I will work on the positive affirmations. Thanks for reassuring me that we all have bad days and sometimes we don’t always feel strong. Yesterday was a really bad day. I wish I could be over it and stop thinking about him but I understand it’s a process. I’m gathering that healing comes with time and distance and for me it’s early days yet. I also suffer from anxiety so I understand those feelings you were talking about. The situation Jim is in now sounds very toxic and I’m glad that’s not you living there because you definitely deserve more. You give me hope that I can heal and move on so thank you for your words of wisdom xx

Thank you MartyT! I know I provided my absolute best in that relationship, space, freedom, love and support always so this is true, I’m not inferior. Thank you for the reminder while I was having a bad day xx

Thanks Kayc for sharing that. Reading it broke my heart for you. I can see the depths of emotions that relationship bought you! I guess it’s still early days for me yet. Although you never were able to trust this man again you did get to talk to him and he eventually told you he loved you! You worked on yourself in the meantime while grieving. You must be so very strong. I can only wish that I will ever receive that type of closure but I know he will never contact me again because he is so stubborn. This lack of closure is making it so worse for me. I’m not feeling very strong today, and I guess I’m feeling like a discarded bit of trash. I know there will be up and down days as I’ve seen you go through them when I read your thread. Thank you for talking to me, you are the only one who has reached out to me in this time of need and I appreciate it so much. I don’t know what else to say really as it’s a bad day. I just feel so worthless and this heartbreak is really affecting my health even though I’m doing all the things friends have suggested. I’m sorry, I don’t even know if I’m making sense right now. I read the articles that you sent and thank you, but I will have to revisit them when I am stronger I think. I can see you had many bad days and I admire your strength. I’m scared of pushing people away and them abandoning me because of this heartbreak so I hope me writing that I’ve had a bad day doesn’t push you away either. Sorry if I’m not making sense, I’m just a mess.

You are right Kayc, I just feel so broken, it’s good to hear that I can heal heal and move on, I just worry because I’m a sensitive soul and I’ve never loved someone so deeply. You have shared with me all that you have gone through and you sound like such an amazing and strong person. It’s just so painful, I can’t wait till the day that I don’t have any love feelings left for him. I’m scared about the amount of time that will take because Because I’m just such a loving and giving person and when I’m doing these things That is when I feel like I’m truely me. I’m blessed to have some girlfriends that have beautiful souls who know that I love them and they love me. But the love I felt with him is something different that friends just can’t give and one day I hope to find again. I just feel lost and broken as you said. How long did it take you to heal from the fiancé that sent you that fed ex break up letter to your work?

This one was actually created when my friend Wendy and I lost someone due to breakups, so don't feel out of place here. thanks for saying that Kayc because I was worried that I’d feel out of place due to me not understanding the full impact of grief of not loosing someone to death.

Thanks for reaching out Kayc, I feel so alone in this. I have some really nice girlfriends but don’t want to burden them too much. my kids are 8, 5 and 3. You must be such a strong woman to have gone through all of that. I pretty much feel scared of the world in that I don’t think any man would not hurt me. My partner was very loving and kind until he broke it off. He spoke to me so cold and with such disdain in his voice and it shook me to my core. I wished the relationship wasn’t perfect then I’d have lots of things to remind me that he was not great. But I only have the way he ended it and spoke to me to remind me that it was disrespectful. I can hold my head up high as I never disrespected him and was kind and nurturing towards him. He said I was the kindest person he has ever known. I can’t help but feel rejected. He also said I was the prettiest girl he has ever known so I don’t have low self esteem about how I look. I just feel like there was something inside of me that he rejected. Every break up I’ve had has not really affected me but this is a world of hurt that just seems so overwhelming and it’s affecting me mentally and physically. Thanks for talking to me, you don’t understand how much it means to me xx

Thanks Kayc, thank you for the comfort. I am seeing a doctor and a therapist. I am starting to realise that he is selfish. I am not contacting him and I can guarantee he will not contact me when he comes back. I do feel deceived that we often said if either one of us starts feeling different we would discuss it. I deserved a conversation in person and he was too weak to do it. I gave him nothing but love compassion and my heart. I know this is a website for people who have actually lost a loved one to death which I can only imagine would feel a million times worse so I want to say thank you for your support still through this. I hope I can get through the mental anguish and physical symptoms soon. It’s the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to love him anymore so I guess that’s a good place to start xx