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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

lostinavoid

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Significant Other
  • Date of Death
    3.3.2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    GCUH

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Surfers Paradise

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  1. david, im sorry if you see this that way, in no way am i trying to be disrespectful, or trying to chance anyones mind to think like mine, merely was giving the theoretical chances, as noone knows. with all due respect, i dont want to be pushy, as everything i said there, is my dream, and it works, but it may not work for anyone else on this planet. was a thinking exercise more then anything, and the minds powerful. If there was absolutely no chance of anything, we would have 1 belief. world wide. that there is indeed nothing. personally, i would be inspired to hear other peoples visions or all our fears, this does not mean i will read this as i must change, as no one will make anyone change, as i said im sorry if i came across this way, as i did not mean to disrespect. if given the chance to feel that, i will do it, and some people will be able to do this, depending on which side of the grief round table you sit. some people may not want to accept anything, as their grief lands on a different spectrum, and all answers are correct some are neutral, and will try absolutely anything to get any feeling back, even after prolonged periods of time i shall not assume anybody needs this information, as nobody knows what chair there sitting at, and musical chairs is about to start. but hey, why do we bother to do anything in life? usually its because we believe in ourselves to strive and succeed. i see millions of answers to every question, because there is a million different responses as we are indeed unique. once again i am sorry, i dont believe i crossed any lines here, i believe i gave suggestions that could be, or couldn't be, directing this at both ends of a spectrum, if you would rather grieve with the assumptions that are essentially mind made, you do that, if you want to believe thats the end, you do that to. the end is your creation not mine, and we have all have the chance to make it as wacky, fun, angry or downright funny as we like, or as i said, believe in dark void of continual torment. we also have the option to not listen to anything anyone has ever said, and write our own history, outcomes or possible terrible despair. the only thing we all have in common, is our day will come. and its up to you what you choose, we lost our imagination at around 15, some never truly lose it. we condition ourselves to what our eyes see, ears hear, touches and senses make up our immediate surroundings. we are trained to think and act the way we do threw social values and beliefs, its no wonder we lost our imagination, because reality is just that. i dont ask anything of you, but the question here is, do you ask anything of yourself? or do you believe the beliefs conditions by our reality, funnel fed down our throats from the first magazine we ever read. i dont want to know your outcome, beliefs on this because they may or may not conflict with my own. and hey if your on that last chair, been threw the lot and tried it all, you still get the liberty to choose to believe. or choose not too.
  2. i appreciate your honesty. and your right to have the opinion to what you believe and do not believe in, nor will i try to persuade you. from the response, i see true love, as the rest of us do. true love is a rarity to find, extremely rare if partaken by both party's. i see a long battle in my future, which requires me to remember about this situation ALOT. if i do not believe i will see her again, i have no use to strive, work or ...really anything as, it wouldn't make any difference in the history of time, when our demise comes, i have no world class talents, i am not a pop star for saving millions of people from diseases. i would like to add, i am not religious, i do not attend any church's, i barely do anything lets be honest but go to work put a fake face on just to take my mind away. If i did not believe this, because lets face it, noone here can answer those questions, and honestly, i think the end is darkness. i think theres nothing, as i guess most non religious do. But, why must we be followers of a certain outcome, when everything ever written is from people who have not experienced what they are writing about. picturing the places we will meet again, how, if at all possible, can we converse? can we feel our touch again?, lets face it, probly not. your religion is installed usually under the age of 8, by this stage, a child has been to enough events to be aware, and remember, and learn depending on the level of exposure they have been subjected to. But i figure, that makes me happy, i feel warm and fuzzy at the sheer chance, that this is possible. and i believe i am wrong, who knows we may morph into out original 10000 year old forms and uncover that this life, we done well. i know you cannot envision such a thing, but for one second, just try to imagine you to together , having a beautiful time, feel that hug, like really believe, because you know what, we both of theory's based on a myth, both have an even chance of being true. But i would rather think, you know what, i will see you, nothing will stop me, i feel the hugs, a warm fuzzy feeling, a rest comes over my body, not everyone may experience things this way, and thats fine, i do not wish to alter your vision, but theres a high Chance that every explanation is right. i dont gamble, i dont play the poker machines as iv seen the destruction they can cause, but this is one thing i will gamble on, because the more i think that slight chance is the one, the more i can feel her hugs. We will only find out when were there, so untill then, any warm fuzzy calming feeling, im going to take, as there is not any to mention in this reality currently. i sure hope im not staring into a vast black darkness, being aware of this but unable to do anything, but thats my luck anyway. how amazing is the other option compared? while we are still here, why not embrace that fact, which eliminates the anxiety of possible not seeing them again, in theory, when we go, we go. which instills that belief, that this is not the end. id rather think i am, then convince my self that i am not. once again i appreciate your opnion and views, and would never be disrespectful to change your approach to anything, but it still remains, everything is possible.
  3. Gwenivere, that's some serious insight to my own future. but you are still playing a vital role right now. you are staring in the roll of that aftermath, and you only have one person watching. the people that witness this on earth, are not of any importance in your roll. Regardless what anybody believes about the after life, spirits or what not. This is your challenge now, testing your wits, reactions and responses to gut wrenching situations. That one viewer you have watching, is your soulmate, fused only threw pure love. The afterlife is where finally our challenge will finish, with our beautiful spectator, applauding with tears in their eyes, at how resilient, strong, and damn beautiful we are, regardless of what color our hair may turn. that bond never breaks, its just extended, the bond will never even tear one inch, no matter how far we may stray, that line is tethered in each heart, and they beat together. The spectator , regardless of how we act, think, feel will be there, waiting to reunite, if it was fused by the purest of love. Now, it doesn't matter what happens in this limbo between, a little bit of time apart always makes for an unforgettable reunion. The challenge now is emotional, raw and as real as it comes, and it relates to your loves ones with you, as a chain reaction was started 10 years ago when treatment commenced. True test of inner power, intent and love. Both sides of the bond have scissors, and has the opportunity to go cold and cut the bond. But only you know when, why or how that could be. Be Strong, Be you, Be proud and Be aware, your the master and commander now, and the spectators love a good show, they love to see there bond striving, Them little wins, triumphs, and victory's puts a big smile on their face, and when your on a roll, you may even hear a chant coming from the other end, Go Baby Go!, but of course that chant could be what ever relates to you two. Take this how ever you need, or don't take it all, but my personal bond is only new, and god damn will i put on a a 6 star show for my spectator, they deserve nothing less, a blockbuster of epic proportions. we could be savages now, and it would be expected if we look at grief and history. no matter how brutal or shocking the rest of our performance turns out to be, true love shines in the end. Goodluck Gwenivere, there no guides, manuals or scripts for us to follow now. This story is our own and unique. Own it. We see blank pages, but a beautiful novel will soon become evident.
  4. Hi, my names Wade, im 29 and i have a 5 year old son. This year has shaken our world and changed the outcomes of our lives. In March, we lost our rock, our guide, the third piece of our family jigsaw puzzle. My partner of 10 years, my sons mother, passed away due to a sudden asthma attack at our family house. Unable to help, and having to watch it all take place is a realm i wish no one enters. Whats even worse, the paramedics came, before her fatal cardiac arrest, and mistreated my girl, because she was only 25 years old, fit and healthy in every other way, the paramedics assumed a panic attack and made her walk! to an elevator and down 6 stairs, even though she begged them not to move her, even though she told them 'i feel like i will die if you move me' clearly if you cannot breathe, your going to panic right? this i will never understand. The paramedics had all the information in front of them, they knew they were there for asthma, yet while inside they took no vital observations, did not monitor the heart, or even use a stethoscope. The assumption of a panic attack was made within the first minute of speaking with her, and that choice to move her without observations was fatal. I am currently going threw investigations with the QAS and Health Ombudsman , which will prolong my experience even further. I want to warn you all with loved ones with asthma. Asthmatics get good at living with their condition, so good they can hide and mask how bad they really are. My girl was an expert at this, and when the paramedics arrived she was able to converse in full sentences without a wheeze, this is 10 minutes before a cardiac arrest. First assessment no one would know she had asthma, even though she said she was worried about it and wanted it checked up, but they didn't want that, they wanted her to walk to the ambulance so they could get her to hospital in case it was to progress. Seems fair, but the moment she stood up, tears ran down her face and she knew it was not right, and begged for them to help her. Arrogant young paramedics kept telling her to calm down, your asthma is fine there no wheeze, your just having a panic attack. The way i see this, if she was 80 years old, and she said she feels like she will die, they would not have moved her and monitored until it was safe to proceed. The asthma was there, and always the concern, but had the paramedics spent a bit of time and done an examination, they wouldn't have moved her, and maybe avoiding the arrest. maybe she still would of had this arrest regardless, but we will never know. Once the body moves, it requires more oxygen to the heart, just as if we were exercising. Her airway was so blocked, but while in bed at home, she was able to manage as her heart was getting enough oxygen, just. but once she was made to move, the body required more oxygen to the heart, heart beats faster to account for the effort required to move. Once the heart reached a certain BPM, the airways where to blocked to allow the extra oxygen to the heart, causing it to stop. This in turn stopped the brain, at this time she was getting wheeled into the back of the ambulance on the stretcher she just walked to. CPR was commenced, she was brought back after 10 minutes of lifelessness. that arrest is what took her life, no blood or glucose to the brain causes damage, where ever there is damage it results in swelling on the body. When the brain swells, people can survive, but with permanent brain damage which would require 24 hour care. She did not pass away due to the asthma, her lungs made a full recovery in hospital, she passed away due to the swelling, which could of all been avoided, if proper duty of care was applied. Now, 4 months on, my son and i need each other more then anything in this world, we are glued together, hes back in school and i'm back at work to make ends meet. But i'm struggling with just continuing, how does one pick himself up, when i may never get closure, when someones else's split decisions decided my family's fate, then they dictate how the outcome will be, the little guy gets pushed to the side, and all of a sudden, its not even about the death, but about saving the top dogs positions. The world is greedy, but i have the rest of my life to fight this, i will not be pushed out of the courts due to financial woes, which is what it seems they are preying on. Bring it on!
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