I just lost my dog and it really hurts,
My long-time loyal pal and cuddle-buddy.
Nobody gets how painful it is,
No support from friends and family
Everyone’s thinking “It’s just a dog… why make such a fuss?”
They don’t get me!
A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning and discovered a humongous golf-ball-sized lump on my dog - Kingpin.
Of course, I ran to receive care from google and everything I found online was promising and reassuring.
I went to the vet in the morning, they aspirated the lump, and then I waited.
It would be fine, I figured. It always is. Besides, Google said so and we all know everything on the Internet is true. LOL!
Then the vet called and all of a sudden my calm shattered . . . cancer!
Long-short, the lump was removed and I got a voicemail from the vet - it was a hemangiopericytoma
Well, that was more like good-bad news. You know, the best-case-cancer-scenario.
The whole tumor was removed with clean margins and this type of cancer has a low rate of recurrence (as i was told)
No need for puppy chemo or radiation or tough treatment decisions.
What a sigh of relief….
Then the worst happened - some days later Kingpin died in his sleep.
I have no clue how or why that happened
I wish i could do an autopsy or something
Honestly, that has been the most shocking, unexpected and painful thing that has ever happened to me
I can’t concentrate at work and it is harder because my boss wouldn’t get why losing my dog is such a big deal - he isn’t such a pet lover after all.
A huge part of me feel really guilty - like there is something more I should have done
This time, Google doesn’t seem to have the help I need - at all!
Blog posts and articles here and there, giving me tips and hacks to process my grief that don’t seem to work at all.
In fact, it is so painful that I can't even follow the so-called steps to help me cope with my grief.
I wanted help - real help.