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Peggy Sue

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    Charleston, SC

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  1. Hi Mandy. My mother died in 1997 at the age of 57. I was 42 at the time (she was very young when she had me). We were extremely close. It took me 3 years (yes 3 YEARS) to begin to function at anything close to the level I was functioning at before she died. So 4 weeks is, in my mind, much less than the blink of an eye. Especially with so little warning. That was the case when my mother died - she went in to have heart surgery for a heart problem that she had been born with - and died less than 48 hours after she went into the operating room. Now I am dealing with the death of my sister, age 62, from brain cancer, on 6/29. With Ginger, I had a little more time to prepare & I think that helps some but I also know that grief is a long-term process. I still cry pretty much every night (on top of losing Ginger I lost a precious dog about 3 months later - Peggy Sue, yes, I am using her name - on 9/25/19). My mother (and my sister) were my heroes. They were my soul. So please be gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve. Trying to rush grief along is not a good thing because a) it doesn't work and b) it adds the burden of "what's wrong with me, why am I still grieving" to an already agonizing process. It's just hard. I'm so sorry.
  2. What a beautiful baby girl!! Thank you for sharing Juno with us. Please know that you did the right thing for your sweet puppy. Juno would have been in pain & scared after the surgery. A month was not worth it. I had to let my sweet Peggy Sue go. She had a tumor/abscess in her abdomen and was in atrial fibrillation. I wanted so much for her to be with me longer but I couldn't let her suffer. Peggy Sue died on 9/25, not long before you lost your Juno. My heart has been so empty since then. I have other dogs so my situation is not quite the same as yours. You'll know when it's time to bring a new dog into your home to love. My heart goes out to you. Juno had a wonderful life with you, one filled with love & kindness.
  3. I think it is hard enough to lose someone we love without having the added burden of thinking there's some way that we should grieve "better" or "faster". You take all the time that you need, Norma. You can keep the diapers & the wipes. I cannot imagine the agony that you are going through. I am so sorry that you were not able to have the life that you dreamed of with your two babies. Life is not fair, it is hard & you are dealing with one of the hardest things of all.
  4. Oh Simon, I am so so so sorry. The lose your two darlings so close together if heartbreaking. My sister (who passed away in June) dealt with a similar situation in 1995. Her sweet Golden Retriever Princess had died in September from cancer. Princess was 13. She had another Golden name Daisy who was only 9. She thought she would have Daisy for at least a few more years. But in January Daisy went into renal failure.& ultimately passed away I know how incredibly sad Ginger was. Please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.
  5. I hope Chip can come home soon. Please don't think that you're pathetic. We open our hearts to our animal companions & they open theirs to us. Please be gentle with yourself.
  6. Hi Simon - so sorry to read about Chip. I hope things get better. We lost 2 dogs in one summer (2009) - Riffraff was 12, she had either canine Ehrlichiosis (sp?) or multiple myeloma. Later that summer our darling Veil, also age 12, died of lung cancer. It was horrible. Thinking of you & your baby.
  7. Dee, thank you for your kind response. I am so sorry you lost your husband.but glad that you have your sweet Maddie.
  8. Yes, I used my baby's name as my name for this board. I posted about my sister's death before Peggy Sue died on 9/25 (my sister died on 6/29). It has been a bad year. Wednesday will be 5 weeks since Peggy Sue left. She was a beacon of grace and love in my life. After my sister died she was my source of comfort and strength. I never had to worry if I was burdening her in some way with my tears. My sister, my only sibling, died of brain cancer. She was 62 years old. Peggy Sue was 10 when she passed. Her end was sudden, like a freight train, I did not see it coming. I had rescued Peggy Sue in November 2017, brought her home from a show kennel in Atlanta where she was a puppy producer. Would have gotten her spayed once she was stable on the thyroid hormone she had been off of for at least a year but she went into congestive heart failure in February 2018. She had dilated cardiomyopathy (DCM) so spaying was no longer an option. For a year and half we counted out her twice a day pills - pimobendan, spironolactone, furosemide, lisinopril, Thyrotab, Ursodiol (for her sludgy gall bladder - once a day), taurine supplement, and Apoquel for her skin (also once a day). Treated her chronic right ear infection. She was worth all the effort & more - she blossomed, gained weight (62 pounds to 75 pounds - she was a big girl, tall and long). She went to work with me. I noticed several days before she died that she looked like she was peeing on herself but it turned out she was bleeding vaginally. I took her to the emergency vet that morning - she still looked OK. But she had a mass behind her uterus (abscess? tumor?) & she was in atrial fibrillation. And she was in pain. SurgerySo I had to let her go. I felt her last heartbeats. I kissed her. I cried & I wailed. And now I am so wailed. And now I am so so so empty. I have 3 other dogs & feel guilty that I haven't let them fill the void that Peggy Sue left. I guess they will in time. My sweet Peggy Sue. I will love you forever.
  9. After my mother died in 1997 at the age of 57 after unsuccessful heart surgery, a colleague said “Well, at least she didn’t get Alzheimer’s”. This woman was a psychologist. I still shake my head about her comment. Our culture does handle grief very poorly. Sympathy cards are full of advice on grieving “May you find comfort in the memories...” No, memories are not comforting at all, not for a long long time. But I realize now that many people think they are being helpful. Their attempts are clumsy & pathetic. I want everyone to know about my mother & now my sister (she died on 6/29/19 from brain cancer). And my sweet amazing Peggy Sue (rescue Irish Setter) 9/25/19. I don’t let these comments keep me from talking any more.
  10. My heart goes out to you. We have had to make that decision so many times through the years. It is so difficult. But what a gift it is as well, to be able to love our companions enough to do what is necessary to end their suffering. In 1995 I had to make the decision for my amazing Irish Setter Gabriel. He was 13 1/2, could no longer walk well, got stuck in corners, was obviously in pain. Then my beloved Boots in 2011; he had developed cognitive impairment. Most recently my adoring, loving, gentle Peggy Sue (rescue Irish Setter). 9/25/19. We have had about 20 dogs & only two died without being euthanized. It is always an agonizing, sad, difficult decision. Bless you for loving your baby enough to do the most loving thing.
  11. Hello. I ran over my dog with my car in 2012. I was devastated for about 6 months after he died. And then slowly I began to forgive myself. Accidents truly do happen. I did not wake up that day with a plan to hit & kill him. You didn’t intentionally hurt your baby. My heart hurts for you because I know what I went through when Two Cents died. I look every day at the spot in the yard where he died & I think of him. Please be gentle with yourself. You loved your baby. I can’t with any honestly say that you will see him again at the Rainbow Bridge because I don’t think I believe in a God any more. My sister died of brain cancer on 6/29/19 less than 4 months after she was diagnosed. She was the kindest, most gentle person I have every known. Then my sweet, amazing, beautiful dog died on 9/25/19. I don’t think I will see them again. But I do believe in the power of love and I know that they loved me & I loved them. I believe you will find a way to focus more on the love you had & will always have for your baby.
  12. Hi Jackie. I'm so sorry for your pain. We all say things (& do things too) that less than our best selves. But we also say & do things that are noble & worthy. That you are asking for forgiveness shows that you are a good person, a worthy person. I remember that a year after my father died in 1988, I was impatient with my mother and said something that was mean about how she & I were on vacation & I just wanted to enjoy the trip. I understood so little about grief then. 9 years later when my mother died I knew what she was talking about. Now I am dealing with the death of my only sibling, my sweet sister, from brain cancer. It still feels very strange writing that (she died on the 29th of June). Grief takes time. I hope you get your sign, Jackie. I know other people who have gotten signs of various sorts. I have not. But I go to my parents grave in NJ & I sing to my mother & father (& now my sister). I honestly don't know if I'll see them again but I know I would like to. Please find a way to love yourself as God loves you.
  13. On 6/29/19, my beautiful sister died after a 4-month battle with glioblastoma (brain cancer). She was my hero, my best friend, my only sibling. She was kind, smart, non-judgmental, simply amazing. I could talk to her about anything and she listened with pure love. We lived 750 miles apart and yet it felt as though she was just around the corner. I visited as often as I could, usually 2-4 times a year, usually for at least a week. When we were together, we did all kinds of things - musicals in New York City, restaurants, walking, shopping, sitting & watching TV, visiting relatives, talking, supporting each other. My sister had a difficult life. She deserved so much better than what happened. I know that life is unfair, that sometimes the good die young. That has certainly been true in my life - my mother died at the age of 57 (sudden, after heart surgery), earlier my father died at the age of 56 (more prolonged, severe diabetes), My core family is gone now. I know that things like these happen and sometimes they happen to people that are a lot younger. I know that grief takes time. It’s been 71 days since she died. I grieved my mother very hard - she was only 15 years older than me - she was also my best friend until she died - but then I became closer to my sister. I tried to be with her as much as I could before she died. I was there after her surgery, I was there when she started her chemotherapy, I was there during her radiation, I was there when her blood counts dropped and I was there when she died. I felt her last 3 heartbeats. Then she was gone. My hero, my love. I will miss you forever. The world is so dark without you. My heart hurts. For anyone who is reading this, thank ou for listening.
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