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themermaidgoddess

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    20
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About themermaidgoddess

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Almost like a second Dad
  • Date of Death
    9/20/19
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Cleveland, Ohio

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  1. Thank you so much both of you! I've mostly gotten over him for good. There all small moments where I miss him but they fade quickly. I think it's best for me not to wait. Because the only thing that does is hurts me in the process. I don't learn that way. I've gone from "I'd do anything to get him back why me?!" to "This is over, I have to accept it and move on.". I mostly think this had to happen cause I really had to find myself. I've learned to forgive myself and love myself. Cause, you guys are right. One apology is enough. Forgiving myself is just as important as him forgiving me. Instead of depending on THEM for things. I think the most reliable person is myself right now that's who I'm depending on right now (and my family). If he were to come back there would be a lot of talking before hand. And I don't think it will happen because he never liked to sit down and talk so honestly, I"m over it. Instead of begging for him back because he may have made me happy once upon a time. I need to make myself happy now. I'm not changing for him anymore, it's all for me and the people around me.
  2. More like I want to change in a positive way and show him that I deserve a new chance as the new me. I'm not going to say "it's what your Dad would want" "you owe me it", not that kind of thing. But the no-contect approach gives time to notice the good things, figure out what we both did wrong and grieve his Dad. I feel like in that way I should get respect because I'm letting him be. I know it's bad to say that I want to get back with him as soon as the no-contact period is over. But that's how I feel. But you're right I do have to respect him.
  3. I just thinking that maybe he wouldn't have probably wanted me there...
  4. I've read many many many articles on how to get someone you love back and a lot of them say to do the "no-contact" approach for a month (maybe even longer), but I know I have to give him time to grieve as well. It's sucks though because I get a lot of dirty looks wherever I go at school now. I've made his family so upset, I just don't know what I did so wrong. I think they'll forgive me someday hopefully.
  5. It's sucks though, I keep seeing him in my dreams and I saw a photo from a mutual friend and he looked happy. I still keep getting that sixth sense feeling and I don't know if I should trust my intuition or not. Still haven't went to his Dad's grave cause I feel like I"m going to see someone there and it's going to start something and I really really don't want that to happen.
  6. Most of the feelings have died down. My emotions say that it's over but something in my gut is telling me it's not. Right now I'm focusing on me. What I need to do to make myself better. So if he comes around (or maybe somebody else will who knows?) I am a better version of who I was. I just feel like he's the one that got away. But life isn't like romance movies where you get closure all of the time. And that's ok. I just gotta keep going. Because there is a me without him.
  7. It's not fair he treated you like that, I say you let him understand that he put you through that pain. Cause things can't go back to the start. No matter how hard you wish they could. Trust your gut. Grief sucks but that does not mean that you should hurt the person you love. Maybe you guys could talk it out in a counseling session?
  8. She's something else. I told her I didn't really want her to ask for his forgiveness but she insisted. It really opened up my emotional wound and didn't help that his family was grieving the loss of somebody important. I still keep getting the sixth sense feeling that he will come back, I don't know if it's intuition. Did you get that with your ex? I see him in my dreams and its not helping very much. It doesn't hurt more or less just makes me want him more. I think him breaking up with me had to happen for a reason, I've made friends, I've found myself and I'm learning things everyday, life really isn't fair but you have to keep going because laying down and not getting back up does nothing for me or the people around me. But I want him back. Maybe he needs to see how good he had it with me. I'm not sure. But my counselor (not our school one) says that I shouldn't wait, move on as if he's not coming back. She said "It's better to be pleasantly surprised than negatively surprised.". I have to understand that sometimes we don't get closure and I should treat it as such. Even if he does come back. I just need to let him and his family heal. I hear "time heals all wounds" and I hope it's true.
  9. She works at our school so she's not really a "counselor" What exactly do you mean by spiritual advisor? I'm pushing for my grandma to take me to a psychic fair to get answers from the higher above. I still have that gut feeling, is it just false hope? A lot of people tell me he might come around so hopefully he does... Every article I've seen is just "make them wait" kind of stuff.
  10. I just don't know what I did so bad that they ALL hate me you know? I just need an explanation more than anything. I keep seeing articles to let your ex wait, to see how good you are. I don't know if that would work. Maybe be less needy. I don't know. I need to focus on myself and making myself better. Maybe he'll remember the good times. I'm trying to turn to a greater power for answers and I'm not getting much.
  11. I'm absolutely destroyed again. She said that he and his step-mom said he's done. I feel like theres no hope now.
  12. She said it's a good idea but only if he wants to come. He's blocked me on everything so needless to say I can't do much. I've made my bed, so I kinda have to lay in it. Our guidance counselor is going to calling hours today and wants to tell him that I want to talk it out. So hopefully he at least wants to do that. I'm taking responsibility for my actions which is not what a lot kids my age can brag about. The pain isn't there anymore but I still miss him you know? Despite all of this I love him unconditionally snd want to work it out. I keep having this gut feeling it will I don't know. The other night I felt a soft presence on my shoulder while I was crying. I feel like its his Dad's way of telling me he forgives me. It felt so much like one of his Dad's hugs (oh how I miss them, I miss his Dad so much.) Our guidance counselor said that he said he didn't feel supported and I see it now. I just wish he had told me. I really want to fix this. But if not I know I'll be at peace someday.
  13. I want invite him to one of my counseling sessions but I don't know if that would help.
  14. Two people have died in the last year we've been together, he's lost three major people in the last couple years. His Grandpa and his Dad. I think he just thinks that so many people close to him get hurt. I think he wants me to push him away you know? I think he just needs to sort out things in counseling, and so do I. He's even told me this too. And I think me getting mad about him not calling me enough was just kind of a way in his mind to think that you know, "push her away, you there's your chance", I think maybe someday he'll miss me.
  15. It's so hard to love myself when I'm so angry at myself and all of the damage I've caused. I want so badly want to fix this and I can't. I can't picture myself with anybody else, but at the same time I'm sure he's picturing himself with somebody better. I can barely eat, when I sleep I dream about is the good times we could've had if I hadn't done this. And when I'm awake all I hear is the words his Dad told me over and over. I hear that time heals all wounds and I hope it's right. I'm so mentally jumbled. I keep studying for my permit test so I can get my license and this can work when he does come around. His Dad's cancer just was a bump in the road and he went off to college three hours away so it strained our really really strong relationship. His Mom also took his car for the semester. I don't know if anybody got this huge gut feeling when they went through this but I feel it in my gut that we will get back together. Like somebody is telling me that maybe he and his family will come around when they heal. His Dad loved me unconditionally and I think he would've forgave me eventually. It's like a sixth sense. Maybe it's his Dad telling me that he knows it's going to work out. Maybe it's god, maybe it's me and I'm going crazy. I need to let them heal, I know they just lost somebody incredibly close to them that was so so important. And when that happens you're angry at the world for no reason and sometimes you need an outlet for anger and I'm kinda perfect for that right now. Somewhere inside of me, I think his Dad knew that I'm suffering cause of this too. And I hope and I pray that he knows I feel bad that my anger got the best of me. I kick myself everyday. I really hope up in heaven his Dad is pain-free, giving god a hard time and knows that I didn't mean to put his family through this. I don't want attention, far from it. That's why I'm here and not on Facebook complaining about me ex's family. Because there is so much I could say about how they treated me. But I won't. We both did things wrong and I think he needs to get his head on straight with the grieving and realize that he did things wrong too. I learned so much, mostly about myself. How to be alone by myself and that you don't get closure sometimes. And that you have to forgive and forget no matter what somebody has done to you. This situation brought me closer to god too. And how you can't rely on somebody completely.
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