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Border Collie Lover

Contributor
  • Content Count

    10
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About Border Collie Lover

  • Rank
    Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Owner
  • Date of Death
    Sept. 2019
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    HAMILTON SQ
  1. Peggy Sue: My heartfelt condolences on your losses. I know exactly what you mean about the insensitive comments, I get them all the time. The one that bothers me the most is when people ask me "Are you going to get another dog right away?" Don't they realize that my beloved little girl just passed and I need time to properly mourn our special relationship.? Grief does not have an ON and OFF switch. My dog was my BFF, confidante, exercise partner, my mood stabilizer and so much more. I need to embrace that without yielding to any expiration date or societal pressure. I know people are - in most cases - just trying to be helpful, but grief is so complex and taxing that I have to retreat from their presence. I know grief makes people uncomfortable. We as a society don't handle it well at all. Maybe, one day that will change. Jim
  2. kayc: Thank You so much. You are a special person. I'll be wearing this pendant around my neck from now on. Shelby was my Soul-Mate Jim
  3. I wanted something as a lasting tribute to my beloved Border Collie Shelby. The pendant pictured below was given to me years ago by one of her pet-sitters (Barbara). I actually didn't think too much about it and had it packed away. After Shelby passed I remembered I had it and pulled it out. I needed a chain for it so I could hang it around my neck. Got the chain the other day. It was very emotional. It's now hanging around my neck and will be forever.
  4. As I navigate through the healing journey after losing my beloved dog (3) weeks ago, I have been reading so many different posts from people that are trying to come to terms with insensitive, uncaring individuals in their lives (whether they are family, friends, co-workers or casual acquaintances) who tell them that "you need to move on" and "get a grip - you've grieved enough." I've come to the conclusion that these people are not uncaring or insensitive at all. That's our interpretation - especially if our emotions are still very raw. I think that these people just have a very low threshold for handling and expressing emotional pain. It makes them uncomfortable. They may have grown up in a family where it was considered a "weakness" - especially for men - to openly grieve. That's sad because, as we all know, if you don't deal openly with your grief it's only going to come out in some other way - whether it be: anger, depression, seeking relief with alcohol or drugs, withdrawal and isolation from others, etc.) These insensitive individuals are probably hurting from a past experience or unresolved conflict that was never properly addressed and just buried within their subconcious - only to resurface at a later date with a vengeance. Their insensitivity towards the grieving is just a gut reminder that emotional pain is very taxing. It hurts - and it hurts bad. They have a hard time dealing with their own pain - how can we expect them to deal with ours? . .Having said all that, do I have a secure grip on my own emotions? No, I don't. I still have crying spells that are seemingly triggered by someone sending me a sympathy card or seeing a picture of my beloved dog. The memories well up in my mind and I just lose it. I have learned that you have to deal with these emotions or they will manifest themselves in lots of negative ways. I don't want that. I'm just trying to do the best that I can - one day at a time. Jim
  5. kayc: Thanks so much for your kind words. You are a special person. I will post some of my journal on this site soon. I wrote a ;little this morning but nothing this afternoon. There is no set format with this. I do only what I feel like doing at that particular time. I did manage to get some work done around the house this afternoon. I work at home so I can pretty dictate what my day will be like. I also took a few more drops of Passionflower tonight to help promote sleep (something that I am severely lacking in). I'm doing a lot research on Passionflower and the general consensus is that it's safe for mostly everyone. I don't take any chances. I'm taking about 1/2 of what the experts recommend and build up from there until I see how it affects me. I don't like prescription or over the counter sleep aids. Tried them before and didn't like the next day grogginess. I'll stick to the natural methods instead. Kayc: I wanted to ask you. How are you sleeping now? I know Arlie's passing is still weighing heavily on your mind. Are you getting the proper rest? You seem to have a lot of energy. How are you doing it? Jim
  6. The pain of losing my beloved Border Collie a few weeks ago is still intense. Almost unbearable at times. I am eating (probably my attempt at self-medicating with food). My sleep cycle is certainly disturbed. I sleep for a few hours and then wake up and can't fall back asleep. I am trying some natural sleep aids (l-theanine and Passionflower) with limited success. I work at home so the pain of not having my dog here with me during the day is horrible. I know I have to help myself. I'm writing a journal about my dog's amazing life. This is helping a little. I'm also reaching out to friends, family and other pet-loving people. This has been comforting. I allow myself to purge my emotions (crying, yelling, screaming, etc.) freely. I realize all too well that bottling up grief can be unhealthy. I'm letting it all out. My energy level is severely depleted. I know I have to get back to exercising and connecting with other people socially but I just don't feel like it now. No desire to go out socially. I am functioning (working, eating, personal self-care, etc.) but the world seems like such an ugly place right now without my Border Collie. Shelby was much, much more than my dog. She was my confidante, my walking buddy, my (4) legged anti-depressant, my tower of strength and so much more. I never used to feel depressed when she was with me. Slept well. Loved hanging out with her. Now that has changed. The range of emotions that I'm experiencing right now is overwhelming. I'm just trying to deal with the grief one day at a time. Jim
  7. kayc: Wow,you and Arlie had an extra special relationship. It's not hard to see that when I read your posts. You were so caring and meticulous in his care. I know that you would've sacrificed everything to make sure he was secure. He was so fortunate to have had someone like you as his owner. Jim
  8. kayc: I just read your blog about the day you picked up your beloved Arlie at the Animal Shelter. What a wonderful moment. I am so happy that the other interested party decided not to adopt him. You and Arlie were meant for one another. It was a marriage consummated in Heaven. Thanks for sharing. I will be reading more of your blogs. Very moving. Jim
  9. kayc: Thank You for your kind words and support. My heart goes out to you about the loss of your beloved dog in August. I hear you loud and clear about the empty house syndrome. I'm experiencing that right now. The pain is sometimes unbearable. I have found some peace by keeping a journal. When I'm up to it, I will be posting some of my writing in this Forum. I've al;so found that reaching out to friends and pet-loving people has been helpful, as well. Most of the people have been nothing of wonderful. In addition, I have been posting in various pet forums. For now, I'm just taking it one day at time. I've been down this road before and I know it can be a bumpy ride. Take care and God Bless. Jim
  10. Hello all: I just lost my beloved Border Collie recently. She had just turned (18).. I had Shelby since she was (8) months old. We were meant for each other. I am trying to work through the grief but its hard. Shelby had incredibly good health her entire life. - until near the end. That dog was my rock. My world. I miss her dearly. I'just joined this Forum today. My energy level is bottoming out rapidly. Normally, I have lots of energy but now I only feel like doing the most basic things. I like to watch baseball & football on TV bit even that seems meaningless now. I am eating. My sleep pattern has been disturbed. Sleeping like (3) or (4) hrs,. if lucky, at night. I am reaching out to people to talk. Most have been very supportive. I'm even keeping a journal about my dog (sharing all the good memories). Some days I write a ;lot; other times just a little or nothing at all. This has been extremely hard. I've been down this road before and went through the healing process. What is so hard is that Shelby and I were together for a lot of wonderful years. I miss her dearly. Jim
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