I found this forum from a google search, this is something I’ve never considered before the end of my most current relationship. This is all very fresh, we just broke up days ago and I just need somewhere to lay out my thoughts and if lucky, get some perspective
We weren’t together very long, just a few months but I’ve known him a long time and have been hopelessly in love with him. I’ve just been a total fool for him and in the beginning he was the same for me and we just had the best days together, some of the most happy days of my life. We were just so crazy about one another.
Then about 2 months into this new relationship he learns his dad is dying and a week or so later he passes. It was a lot at once and I was there for him every step. I took time off work to be with him. I offered to go out of state with him to deal with the burial, etc so he didn’t have to do it alone. He was very sweet and was a trooper and at times seemed very calm although down and sad. I think he was very good at hiding his grief.
I noticed that his communication became less, stopped planning things with me as much, was distant and I just got the general vibe that he was less interested. He’s always sweet and nice to me, though and tries to joke and be his silly self, but I know there is a lot of effort being put in.
Finally we have the convo we’ve been putting off and he basically tells me that with the passing of his dad he is in pieces, and he doesn’t feel right being committed to me if he can’t be 100% himself and he is just not the person he was before. The death also put into perspective his station in life, made him realize the things he’s been putting off and how he hasn’t taken care of himself. I told him I wouldn’t mind being by his side while he worked on these things, but would respect if he needs time to do these things on his own without the pressure to be a good boyfriend on top of everything else. He didn’t give me a solid answer really, I think he was trying to avoid hurting my feelings and saying point blank the things that are hard to say and hear. But I understood and kinda helped connect the dots for him and we decided to end it. He says he doesn’t know how long it will take, and didn’t clearly say whether he intends to ever get back with me.
I’m devastated and trying to remain strong enough to push forward and give him the space he needs. It will be very hard, he wants to be friends with me which I love the idea of bc I’d rather be friends than nothing. I’m hoping that if I give him enough space and support and stick around he will come around and try to be in a relationship with me again. But I’m just afraid that maybe that’s not the case bc I am not interested in a friendship I think that would be too painful for me. Maybe he never intends to be with me again. And I know that’s probably impossible for him to determine and would possibly be unwise to make such promises when his feelings are so obviously jumbled.
So now I’m here and I’m taking it day by day. Oh did I mention we WORK TOGETHER, on the same row in fact so that makes life a lot more difficult. So we take breaks together and I love being around him but it also breaks my heart that I can’t kiss him or be with him the way I want to be anymore. I’m pretty much destroyed over this and I needed to vent about it. Thank you if you read.