From the moment we saw her I knew you she was special. She was the little runt who had to be bottle fed and it seemed as if all odds were against you. I knew she was the one for me. I will never forget the first night I brought her home and she was in bed with me shaking and I promised her I would give her the best life imaginable. I made sure to know every health concern of a English Bulldog and vowed to do everything in my power to shield her from any illness or discomfort. When we had her spayed, the vet said "In my 30 years of practice, I never saw a female dog with such under-developed ovaries." I knew she was truly special. She went everywhere with me... work, to family and friends.. if she couldn't go, I would't go.When she started limping, we thought she was having bouts of arthritis. You were 10 ... how could I have known her poor little front leg would have bone cancer. All of the professionals said we had to immediately take her little leg. They said that we would get a year (at best). I did not believe them as I would be sure that she would beat the odds.I did not know what else to do. My heart broke the moment Daddy and I saw you. We made that promise to encourage you, help you and love you even more than we already had... if that is even possible. After those 10 years... When they told us you were born with one kidney... I knew you what it took to beat the odds. We went to 3 different oncologists until I felt we would have the perfect fit for you. We gave you every treatment possible. I knew you were slowing down. I felt blessed that I could carry more, kiss you every time you were in my arms.I cannot believe that your lungs failed you. I was told that was a possibility but I said no ... not my Lulu. When Daddy called me to tell me you were turning blue and needed oxygen I fell to my knees. I tried to make it home to you. I made it on a flight... but I was too late. I cannot begin to tell you how a part of me has died. Words cannot describe the pain I am feeling. I am truly devastated you are no longer with me. I am so sorry I went out of town. I should have been there for those last two days and for that I do not know if I can ever forgive myself. I was in denial that the end was approaching. I could not wrap my heard around the fact that I may never see you again. You were my everything... my soulmate... my confident.I lived for caring for you. I just want to be with you. To hold you again, to feed you again, to carry you again. You were with me for almost 11 years of every waking moment of my life. People thought I was crazy bringing you everywhere, they truly did not grasp the depths of our connection. How do I live without you? Our house is no longer a home without you. Will it ever get any easier? I always told you that you were my gift from God and that was an understatement. What in my life did I do to deserve the unbelievable love you gave me. I gave you my heart...my whole heart and now I feel an indescribable emptiness without you.I just want to sing You're My Best Friend by Queen to you one more time as ..."Ooh, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me It's you you're all I see Ooh, you make me live now honey Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had I've been with you such a long time You're my sunshine and I want you to know That my feelings are true I really love you Oh, you're my best friend"
I do not see peace in my foreseeable future. I am in so much pain without you. My soulmate is gone and I cannot believe it. Daddy thinks I need to go to a support group. I don't know what to do. I am lost and in a fog. I feel like I failed you. I do know this ... I will love you for the rest of my life.
How do I move on?