On November 8th we made the hardest decision of our life, we euthanized our dog of 19 years, our baby Chocolate. We had held on for sometime as he was diagnosed with hip dysplasia two years ago and with cancer in the Spring of 2019. Since his inoperable cancer was diagnosed he lost so much weight from being an almost 70lb German Shepherd mix to ~40 lbs when we put him down. We had reached the point of the maximum pain meds per day and they honestly weren’t doing much to keep him comfortable in the last weeks prior to his death. We made an euthanasia appointment in September and backed down from proceeding, he had a good week and I think deep down we were hoping for a miracle. But, probably after two weeks from the cancellation of that appointment he took a significant turn for the worst, the mobility was almost none, he lost all control of his bowels and he would sleep minimal as his pain kept him up most nights. We made the the decision to have the vet come to our home for euthanasia as he cried anytime we tried to get him in the car or attempted to move him. Chocolate was the sweetest, smartest, obedient and so loving; he was a big dog and prior to his illness his size and bark were so intimidating but, he was just a giant teddy bear! Our guilt and questioning if we should have held on longer has been agonizing since we put him down. Our vet said it was an act of love but, it literally feels like we murdered him. Does it ever get any easier ? Should we have waited longer for our baby to depart naturally? Although part of me feels our baby was hanging on for us despite his discomfort . Can anyone help with any advice to deal with the guilt?
