Hi everyone, thank you to anyone offering advice on this. My father (69), passed away 6 months back due to a heart attack, it was so sudden as he was in a very good health but the work stress got to him. The suddenness of it made my mom go into a state of shock and that’s when I (28f) realised that I’d have to be the strong one. I became my mom’s strength, she would cry for hours infront of me but I never let her see me cry. I knew it would be her breaking point. I closed myself from all the emotions and I stopped myself from dealing with grief. I behaved with everyone how I behaved before dad passed and everyone was shocked yet happy seeing me so positive about life in general. But the truth is that I suppressed everything I felt. I was closest to my dad, and he always said that I was his bestest friend. I can’t put in words what my dad meant to me. Even after 6 months I am not able to think about my dad without feeling an excruciating pain in my chest. My whole body hurts just thinking he left me. I have for 6 months every day distracted myself with work or friends or something whenever his thought came. Every now and then it pops in my mind and I get so scared of feeling the emotions. I am running away from all of this but I am scared it’ll catch up someday. I am scared what it would do to me. I feel I am going to go back to depression. I miss him so much, I don’t know what to do about it. I talk to my husband about it and he makes me understand that slowly I’ll have to move on as there’s nothing I can do about it. Even though I know he is right but my brain still is not letting me. Losing him is probably the worst thing I could go through and I have been strong but I totally broken mentally. I have no motivation to work yet I work even though I don’t want. I have no motivation to get out of bed, I just want to stay alone all the time. I feel like running away from all the people and be alone for sometime. I don’t know what to do. Please if anybody has advice I’d be really thankful. I feel I am abnormal to be going through like this.
