Barlic

Thanks. Yes, an answer definitely. I don’t see, from her perspective why she would not just be pleasant, it baffles me

Yes you’re right! She’s given me nothing... yes I will thank god, away from her close to friends and family.. yesterday I went to the local gym, when I was coming outside her car was there and backing out. She couldn’t have missed me, surely, but I pretended to not see her. I wanted her to be friendly and say hello, she did not. Later I messaged her telling her I saw her, she gave me not much at all, pretty cold really. Disappointing

Oh that is horrible and ruthless, not the behaviour of a considerate compassionate individual. It stings that there is no recognition from her, no acknowledgement of what has occurred, I know she desires to move forward swiftly, and in doing so was bothered by the fact I needed a phone call. No acknowledgement of her inadequacy in text messaging to break It off. Yes true about the expectations on friends, I doubt that this would be someone easy to be friends with. I have under 2 weeks left to go in this place, an endeavour I undertook to enjoy her company. As it grows nearer I hold onto the pain like a souvenir, not just yet ready to move past it. My heart screams out to make contact with her but for what purpose, she has not reached out to me...she seems to be doing ok with her life. But I know that just as I leave it will be closing the chapter on this forever, and my heart is telling me to fight for it though my head warns of the dangers

Yeah you’re right.. the mutual support wasn’t there..when it wasn’t convenient for her I felt like she very quickly saw me as a burden and didn’t treat me well. This was heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking was the text message to call it off, no call or meeting. Simply discarded aside as if I didn’t matter anymore. Perhaps this had elements of a toxic relationship, it drew me in, sucked me in and then didn’t offer as much as I was putting in. I decided then to put more in..a vicious circle. Each day gets slightly easier, but we live close, I saw her car at the market recently, and I looked away, not ready to deal with a meeting again. i would eventually like to be friends, when I’m completely over the sorrow, but there are elements of her that treated me poorly and used me. She said that she “would be happy to have coffee as friends if I’m around”. I’m only here for another 2 weeks, and would like to establish that friendship but am not sure if I can emotionally just yet. My heart yearns to see her but my head says that may cause more pain.

Gosh, that’s so beautiful...hearing that you had that, is amazing. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship. Something I can truly aspire to finding. I really hope u do find this again. I have certainly worked hard to find the right relationship..but it has not come my way as yet. It is preposterous in my mind to think I could feel this sort of chemistry again, that butterfly like feeling as she walks into the room, her effect on me was incredible. I could have loved her, and in some ways I was already falling in love with her. That sort of feeling made everything that was dark bright, it made me feel a happy giddiness for every minute of the day. I doubt that can happen again, but I will persist. However, it wasn’t the perfect relationship either, she was unreliable at times, didn’t compromise much, spoke a lot about herself, occasionally treated me poorly and was a poor communicator- a vital part of what caused this I believe- every time we spoke about this issue I felt more confused, she could have reassured me with “I’m not sure how it’s gonna go, but we like each other, we’ll work it out”. Instead she answered “this is a lot of pressure, this feels like an ultimatum, I don’t have any answers for you, I don’t wanna talk about this again”

Yeah you're right kayc, and im sorry about your loss. It is tough and perhaps we are conditioned to believe that love is all that matters in life.. I'm sorry that you have given up, maybe it will strike u even still, when u least expect it to. I admire your outlook and your wisdom. I indeed have kept busy like you suggested, i even accepted when i was unexpectedly asked out. There was nothing there, but the company distracted me a little while longer. I want love like this again, but i doubt it could exist: i recall her coming home from work, covered in dirt and sweat, her hair messy, face wrinkled..i never have seen anything that beautiful in my life, and i doubt i ever will..i think that is love. I recall her cooking for me, wearing a t shirt and tracksuit pants, doing a stupid dance, her hair messy, and i thought she was so beautiful. She was attractive, but not a supermodel..but in my eyes she was. The feeling around her made life worth living

Fantastic advice. I learnt some sad news today, she is on a dating app. I have been hurt by this a bit. I don't understand how people can just shake off the feelings and move on. She was indeed looking for something casual when she met me but this did develop a bit further, from my perspective and in her admission. The fact she's on a dating app so soon suggests maybe it meant nothing to her, and she was just looking for something casual/some fun, which she still is, prior to travelling. It makes me feel worthless and sad, to think just a week after she's out there again. I thought we shared something special

Thankyou so much for your assistance, very wise words indeed. I suppose you are right. Maybe it will maybe it won't. I am seconded with my job and am right up the road from her.. and i miss the physical connection. Each moment i yearn to reach out to her. But i know it won't help

Hello, I'd appreciate your words of help. I met a beautiful girl a short time ago now. We had an amazing romance.. but i sensed she was holding back. Eventually i learnt that she was recently out of a relationship of 4 years duration. She has broken the relationship up so she could move states. Anyways, we had an incredible chemistry and connection, i never thought it was possible to feel this way about someone. But then she revealed she was going travelling 8 months from now, for a long time, maybe 6 months, maybe 2 years. I held off discussing with her specifics, it was too early, but at around 3 months i brought it up. A lot of this because she started treating me poorly, ignoring me a little. She suggested that perhaps i could come with her but we'd see how it went, she was open to distance. Around a week later i noticed she was beginning to be more distant. She could tell that something was bothering me. And so we discussed again. I said that as id have to do exams and there was no guarantee of a job id need compromise from her (to wait for me, or do long distance if it didn't work).This time, she said she couldn't wait for me (6 months later until i could come over), she also said she couldn't do long distance. There was this horrible sadness that afternoon, but we said we needed to reflect on it. A month later she texted me, saying that she was not ready to be with anyone, needed to be alone, that it was very early to be having the chat and i was into it more than her. She admitted she was only looking for something casual initially but then it developed further. I'm beyond devastated because i was in love with her. I'm also having to live 300m away from her. What tortures me particularly is she said i brought it up too early. Maybe if i hadve waited she may have changed her mind. Moving with her would've been bad for my career admittedly and tough to be away from my family. What also hurts me, is she spoke a lot of our future together, she introduced me to friends, took me to functions, but then turned around and told me she was not ready to be in a relationship. It burns so much and id appreciate your support, Regards, James