shellbell22
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I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and warmth You are right about the outside being in her.. however I’ve had her inside for 8 years.. yes she always liked going outside..we gave her the patio but she eventually found her way off that to her detriment. I don’t blame myself for her getting out I am angriest at myself because I feel if I had spoken louder and called her name the coyote would have left knowing a human was near. I knew something was amiss from the other 2 outside cats and I assumed a coyote had gotten in but my thinking was he had already taken her..fact was she was still here and heard my meat cry for her...I am very hard on myself for sure but I feel I could have saved her had I been more aggressive and as a mom I failed. I have had to put a lot af my babies down but I knew all of them had no choice. I didn’t get to hug her or say goodbye and I’ve never had a loss so gruesome
your stories are wonderful you should be a writer..you have a lot of good memories to share and you tell each one as a saga I want to keep reading.
I have a lot of triggers too as she was my best friend and at my side most of the time. I can’t look at my hill without balling and I know time will take care of this but I feel as though I am extra short tempered and definitely not the happy go lucky person when I had her. I feel less tolerant.
I just wanted to thank you for all your help through this.
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shellbell22 joined the community
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I don't know how to edit my post but it has been a month and a half and I am deep crying every day. I feel so guilty. I didn't cause her to leave the patio but I didn't notice her gone before we left for dinner-I didn't cause her not to come in but it was late and I should have stayed home after dinner and called for her before all the other animals showed off and scared her from entering her own home. I did check on her at 2"30 in the morning but I went out the wrong door and called for her down the hill when she was in the back of the house on a hill--if I had gone out with a flash light and called for her and left the door open and waited she may have come in. When I opened the door at 6:58 the stupid door alarm which lets us know if someone is entering our home went off and instead of going out the back of the house I should have gone out the door that lead to the hill, If I had done that and called her name I might have scared the coyote enough that she may have come down the hill to me. What I had thought was that the coyote had chased her but now I realize at 7:00 he was spooked into our yard by a neighbor walking his dog and I had opened the door at 6"58--If I had just gone out the right door I might have been able to call for her but I didn't--the only way I suspected anything was because the other two cats were running---being too careful for my neighbors I didn't want to wake I never yelled for her. I just gently spoke her name where I thought she might be. I now realize she probably heard me but was afraid to speak as she probably was being hovered over by that coyote.--she was killed in her own back yard and I did nothing..... I didnt see her, I didn't hear her but I knew something was amiss and I blame myself for not yelling for her or going out the right door or looking for her the night before --could have been prevented.... I feel she wanted me to come save her as I had always done with the cat inside but she didn't cry---nothing that I heard and then I went in the house leaving the door open so she could come in if she wanted--she didn't have the chance as my neighbor saw the coyote with her in its mouth at 7:29--which means she suffered 25 min-----I am sick about it and although I couldn't control her behavior nor the coyotes nor the other outside cats I could have done more.... I cry for missing her and I cry for all the guilt I carry.. I am miserable....