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nikkibevins

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About nikkibevins

  • Rank
    New Visitor

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Daughter
  • Date of Death
    09/17/2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Tug valley arh

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    eastern, ky

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  1. You all don't realize how much you are helping me. I can say what I need to and how I feel without being told I am ridiculous! In my family as I have said being so big I hate to say it but death is something I have become accustomed to! My cousin who was more of a brother passed away when my youngest daughter was just a few months old! All three of my grandparents have passed, I never had an issue with being able to go through the grieving process with them, with my dad....I just know that when I do get to it's going to be a complete mental breakdown! I just still cant get the visions and words out of my head...you have to be strong for your momma and take care of things, you'll have your time later! I believe so strongly that another person should never burden someone with words that can destroy your mentality. But it happens!
  2. Kieron, Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I can sum up your questions very quickly! Who has tried to make things easier for me, NO ONE! I not only take care of my mom and try to keep her in a good place emotionally, but I also have my husband and 3 kids, one of which is handicapped and it is everything I can do to handle all of this and working! I have no been able to take a vacation because I have used all of my vacation time as well as sick time taking care of my mom in her moments when she would call me in sheer panic and I would have to leave or call in to take care of her. As big as my family is....NO ONE has ever asked me if I am alright, how am I handling things, or if I needed to talk. Everything is about her! I understand that they had been together since she was 16, and that it is her husband! It is like everyone has forgotten that I lost my daddy! The first man I ever loved unconditionally, who has stood by me in good and bad, and the man who wasn't afraid to tell me if I was screwing up. She had me come over to her house yesterday, which is my only day off with my kids, she needed to talk! It was all about the new guy and how she has deep feelings for him, and how he says he loves her. He wants to buy the kids Christmas gifts and come to Christmas dinner. I was very off put with this and told her that I would prefer if he came up after dinner, so that we as a family could spend time together and the kids could go through picture albums of my life which of course has all kinds of pictures of my daddy we do this every year! She got furious with me and told me I was being selfish and ungrateful ! It just seems like I can't get her to see through my eyes and how much I am hurting!~
  3. I am not even sure how to start...My dad left this world September 17, 2018 3 days before my birthday. He battled cancer for 7 years and was a trooper, never complained even when he was at his most sick moments. My mom had a lot of help taking care of him. My aunt's and uncles helped with him, even one of my uncles moved into their house so that my mom would be able to continue working. I visited often and called every single day to talk to my dad and mom just making sure that things were okay and if they needed anything I would make sure that it was provided. When my dad passed, my mom had a complete mental break down. The day he passed he had just gotten out of the hospital around noon that day. I called on my lunch break and they were getting him settled in. I told mom that I felt like I needed to leave work and come and see dad and she said that he was tired and hungry so to just come up after work. I got the phone call less then an hour later that my dad was in respiratory distress and that they were waiting on an ambulance. I left work and made it to the hospital only to have mom meet me at the door screaming he would be okay she breathed for him. Now I work with Cancer patients a neighboring hospital so I knew that he was gone. I had her sit with me in the chapel and tried to calm her down. Finally being able to get a moment to myself I went out to the parking lot and had a break down crying knowing that it was not going to turn out the way she thought. My aunt came outside and told me that I needed to quit crying and go back inside with my mom. I did that very thing. Twenty minutes later his cancer doctor came in and gave us the news that he was gone. My mom went into shock. I had to go in by myself and watch them take care of his body. I stood there as they cleaned and removed all the tubes and wires. My uncle took my mom home, meanwhile I had to drive home and sit my 3 kids down and tell them what had happened. My family is huge....mom has 15 brothers and sisters, so we all meet at moms house, they brought food and we just tried to make sure that mom was okay. The next morning my mom, aunt, my cousin and myself went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Mom was okay until it was time to actually pick things out. She ran out the door with everyone following behind her. She told me I would have to do it. So there I was picking out my dad's coffin, flowers and everything necessary for the funeral. I got her home and tried to just talk with her and let her know I was there for her. I had to go back to the funeral home that evening to take his clothes, and the obituary that I had to write out by myself. I was beyond stressed and just wanting a moment to scream and grieve, again that wasn't possible because I got a call that mom was curled up in a ball in the bathroom and wanted no one but me. So I rushed at the funeral home and back to her house. For a year I have took care of every need for my mom. I have spent nights at her house, when she just couldn't sleep and needed me there, I would go in the middle of the night. My aunt finally moved in with her to help take care of her. I myself have not yet come to the moment that you get when you cry and really good cry and realize that he is gone and not coming back. I haven't went to the graveyard since we buried him, I just can't do it yet. She was going all the time, sitting and talking to him. Never missing more then 2 days without being up there. Her sisters and brothers as well as myself have tried to make things as easy as possible for her. With that being said here is the part that has now pushed me over the edge. As i mentioned before I work with cancer patients. It just so happens that one of them lived up the road from my mom and dad. When my dad went into respiratory distress in was in a recliner. My dad was 6'5 and even with his cancer weighed 245 lbs. My mom was unable to get him out of the recliner. She went into the road and stopped vehicles for help. This guy came in and got my dad out of the recliner and into the floor. About 2 months ago he came to me at work and said look I noticed that your mom has been working a lot and doesn't seem happy, I am wondering if you are okay with me stopping in to just talk to her. I thought you know she has been telling me she needs someone to talk to that isn't myself or her sisters so why not. Then a week ago she calls to tell me that they are going to the movies. Still I believe this will be good for her! My youngest daughter does competition cheer, my mom has never been to any of my kids sporting events. NEVER!!! My dad even at his sickest times made sure he attended, even if it was just for a few minutes. She informs me the day before her comp that she will be there as will her friend. Okay no big deal, cool your going to get to see your granddaughter do what she loves. So we get to the meet and there they are, waiting for us! I introduce the kids to him and my husband as well as he had never meet him either. We all go and sit down, him and mom beside me. Now we call each other everyday and we talk about everything, with us it is no holding anything back. So she has been telling me that they are nothing but friends she doesn't want anything besides that. So as we are sitting there, I look over and not only are they holding hands but they are kissing and rubbing all over each other. I was completely taking by surprise and so were my kids. I could not believe that this was happening in front of my eyes. I didn't say anything to her mainly because I know me and it would have been a spectacle. Mom and I have a rule, I call every morning on my way into work she is on a break at her job at this time. We talk about how the morning has been so far and to be careful on our way home from work. When I get home at 6 in the evening before I even walk into see my kids and husband, I call her and make sure she is alright if she needs anything! For the past 3 days, in the morning she is on the phone with him and in the evening he is at her house and she will call back when he leaves. I haven't gotten a call back yet! We had had a discussion not even a month ago about how she was mad that dad had left her, and that she was sorry for making me deal with everything. I told her then that it had really upset me, but the part that was killing me was that I felt like I hadn't grieved for dad yet! She said she didn't realize that and she was sorry and would try to help me cope with it all! Seriously, I feel like she was lying to my face! I don't know how I really feel, all I know is, I feel like hey do whatever you like, but don't kiss and love on each other the first time my kids are seeing you with someone besides their Grandfather! I am at a loss
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